backyard crowing
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first attempt at slam poetry
everyone has always told me i was shy. i have never heard anyone call me outgoing. never.
my mother hates that i'm shy, because she was shy, and seems to think that once she un-shyed herself she was somehow better. really she's just a bitch, but hey, bitches get their way.
my father sees my shyness as a positive character trait, something i cannot change, something i should not try to change. for me, he says it's just who i am. mom would say it's because he wants to have his say in everything. he's into the shy because it works for him.
my boyfriend likes that i'm shy because it's an ego boost for him. since i tell him lots and others little, he feels like he's in on something...what that something is, might be me at some point. eh. maybe. my shyness makes him feel special.
i have attempted to open up, crack my shell, and do all the growing up crap you're supposed to do to Be! Aggressive! Be! Aggressive! A-G-G-R-E-S-S-I-V-E!
but what matters is not if they think it's good that i'm shy or whether it's a character trait or a flaw--it's about how I feel about me. clearly everyone has their own opinion about the connotation of the word "shy." so who should i contact to find the truth in my situation?
i could look in a Bible or a Talmud or a Torah or blah blah blah, and they might all have their so-called "truths." but again, there are bushels of truths in the world, so who should we believe? belief is after all a choice. if one sort of God says you're condemned because of this-or-that "sin," then just go try a different one, one of those that overlooks whatever you've done. essentially, religion is picking what you believe and what you do not. screw the rest of the religions, yours is SOLID GOLD. your truth is the truth you invent or a truth that you have mooched off of your parents. you don't need to feel guilty if your religion says you're not doing anything wrong.
...which leads me to tell you that there is no truth, no absolute certainty in this world. the only thing you can count on is change and the throwing of blames on both guilties and innocents. this "truth" that we speak of is truly a myriad of opinions.
so if there is no truth, then how do we seek it?
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see, that is something i wish i could post on a public blog, or even on facebook, but i can't possibly. hardcore Christians would probably post all sorts of stuff and my boyfriend would break up with me.
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This on a site:
"It's not just beer helping ugly people have sex anymore. Without fail every time I have watched experienced salsa dancers I have been drawn to someone I would have never normally found attractive, because really, in the end, its kinda like watching someone advertise that they're amazing in bed."
Ha!
10:20 pm - Sunday, Nov. 05, 2006
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