backyard crowing
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death in the family
R's father died a few hours ago.
I miss him so much right now, because I know he's in pain.
I just want to hug and hold him. The distance isn't fair.
I think he probably owns the family house now.
God, I hope his dad didn't bequeath anything to me.
I wonder what R is doing right now, it's about 2am where he is.
I just hope he is comforted and supported. I just want to be there so badly.
It's not fair that we have to lose people.
I'm so confused. I wish I had someone to really talk to.
My therapist from years ago was right, I keep searching for connection. That hasn't changed a bit. It's so lonely out here. And now I know R must be feeling lonely. And I don't want him to. I just want to hold him.
I feel so empty and fake. I need a hug, too. I need to just talk to someone about who I really am.
12:06 am - Thursday, Dec. 06, 2018
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