backyard crowing
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timide et sans un rendez-vous
you know, sometimes i think that nobody is like me, which makes me thrilled and sad at the same time. how many other college freshman have never been on a date or had a boyfriend? i feel like one in a million, which gives me immense joy and loneliness. even the shyest of people seem more outgoing than I am. maybe i need to get brave. it's really interesting how my parents see this timidity--fascinating, actually. my dad thinks it's just me, how i am, and the shyness can't be changed. he feels it shouldn't be changed, it's just my personality. my mom, on the other hand, believes that i should get out more and talk to people, be outgoing and opinionated, assertive and comfortable. her theory is "fake it til ya make it." that's all fine and good, but i'm rarely able to pull it off. what's wrong with me? "nothing," says my dad. "everything," says my mom. so, obviously you'd think i took more toward my dad's view of things. after all, no one wants to think something's wrong with them. but i can see both sides, clear as mud.
and the question remains the same: who am i?
i am a different human being every day of my life.
10:26 p.m. - 2004-09-15
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