backyard crowing



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dream and poetry

1/14/2005 12:23 AM
Listening to: Led Zeppelin II

Can you believe my mother has a copy of Pink Floyd�s The Dark Side of the Moon and she hasn�t listened to it? She hasn�t even unwrapped the thing and it�s been in this house for months! Crazy.

I�ve decided maybe I�m not as fat as I thought�

Mom and I watched Before Sunrise tonight. We saw Before Sunset a few days ago, too�Sunrise was the first movie, made about ten years ago, and Sunset is currently a new release. What else have I seen lately?

1. Napoleon Dynamite
2. Love Actually
3. Closer (with Amanda Jerry in the theatre)
4. yup, I think that�s it!

I have a haircut on Saturday. I�m going to request that Cindy cut my hair like Alison Lohman�s in White Oleander when she cuts it herself. The style is choppy, the hair is cut messily with a pocket knife in the film, and the hairs are at all different lengths. When I told mom I wanted my hair like hers, she groaned and laughed. I loved her reaction!

Mom made an interesting quiche dish today. It had a wheat top.

I can�t wait to go back to school. I don�t think I�ve ever felt that way before, but it�s time. Dad finds it surprising that I didn�t contact Krista and Lisa for this whole break. I don�t know, it just never happened. And now they, along with Leslie, Christy, and Erin are back at their respective schools. People:

Leslie-A and M
Krista and Lisa-A and M
Christy-Huntsville
Erin-I thought Huntsville, but now Amanda tells me she�s at a community college somewhere around here�I don�t know. I saw Erin working at Godiva while Christmas shopping and didn�t say �hi� because she was busy and I didn�t want to yell. I was planning to call her later so in case she saw me, she wouldn�t think I was being rude by not talking to her. I hate yelling in shops. Can�t you see me? �HEY, ERIN! I DIDN�T KNOW YOU WORKED HERE! COOL! BYE!�
Amanda-U of H

Now listening to: Five for Fighting
Today mom came home from work, and now I have a wireless card!

I�ve been thinking about careers lately�writing of some sort is becoming increasingly attractive to me, but I�m just not sure I could do it. I mean, I mess around in my journal, but do I have talent? Something tells me no, but honestly I�d still like to try. Writing is just something you�ve got to have a talent for�it�s a creative outlet, I don�t think you can easily work so hard that you become a great author just by trying. You know what I mean? What I�m trying to say is that there are many things one can work toward, and that one will eventually master. For instance, a person who does not have a talent for learning a foreign language will, after a time, become fluent. It�s a matter of living in a foreign country for an amount of time. If I worked hard enough trying to master math, I could do it. But writing? Writing comes from your heart, it takes talent. I always wanted to write when I was in elementary school. I loved books; they were my absolute escape from the world. When I was made fun of at school, books consoled and distracted me. I remember one day as a kid being amazed by some novel, and thinking to myself, �I want to make other people feel the way I do now through words on paper.� I was exhilarated. What changed in me? Why did I stop reading for leisure? I suppose my life got easier. In junior high kids stopped (for the most part) teasing me. Perhaps my need to �get away from it all� decreased enough that books were no longer needed. Another theory that many claim for themselves is that once they entered the sixth grade, they were forced to read books. Then, of course, books in general seemed unappealing. Grandma has read some of my stuff, and insists I�m a great author, but then again, she�s Grandma, biased and not exactly a literary genius. Geez, that was rude! Oh, well. I�m being honnete.

Press Pause

Everything is frozen in my memory
I�ve never forgotten a moment
Is there still hope?
Should I hope?

If I could pause time
I would have then
I would have made us mobile
While the world froze
The earth would have turned for us
But halted for them
We could have been anywhere that day
So long as I pressed pause while we were together

A few more hours together alone and maybe
You would have discovered me
To be
Not just another human to converse with

With the world at rest
You might have enjoyed my company
Even more
When will you realize it?

�a memory of a dream I had about two years ago�
We were in a red van, and you were at the wheel. You had your driver�s license, and you drove well. I trusted you to get us there safely. We were the only vehicle on the road, cruising along a highway with no scenery at night. We spoke of business; our conversation was serious and not jovial. Our clothes were similar to the chat�you wore a pressed suit, as did I. After a short while of traveling, we came upon an unexpected ocean. The van was suddenly submerged in water, and it began to sink. You didn�t know how to swim, so I gave you a quick lesson on exhaling under water. I unlocked the doors and we forced them open, fighting for the surface. I reached it, panting, and looked desperately for you. Realizing you were nowhere to be found, I dove under and pulled you up. Initially you were lifeless, and then choking on water, and then exhausted. I thanked the Lord for his goodness�you were alive. We embraced and then looked down at our wet limbs. We were no longer clothed in business attire; I was adorned in pink silk, you in a shirt and pants. You drew me close again and we kissed for an eternity. Eventually, of course, we stopped to survey the ocean around us, wondering what to do next. At a distance, we saw a pool surrounded in water. A few children were playing in it, so we joined them. I then awoke, wanting more of you, you who I have never had.

12:23 a.m. - 2005-01-14
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