backyard crowing


lonely in saint anthony

i'm feeling really lonely tonight, and i think part of that is because i am sitting here with elyse, who has said on her xanga that she's lonely. it's rubbing off on me.

i'm listening to: george harrison's greatest hits - a burned cd from mom

next week:
mon - polisci test
tues - history test
wed - 7 page paper due and a music test

i'll be praying a lot this week

this weekend i accidentally broke elyse's glasses, and i feel bad about it. she says they were a gift, though, and isn't freaking out about it. yay! maybe if i see some glasses i can afford i'll buy them for her.

grrrr.....i got my first parking ticket today, and it sucks. i now have to pay 15 idiot dollars b/c my car wasn't parked "within the lines".
coloring in between the lines -- PARKING in between the lines -- is conforming. i am better than that. i am an artist, and conformity is not for me. don't charge me 15 bucks for being myself, i wouldn't do it to you.
hehehe. this is pure idiocy.

soooooo.....i finally gave in and downloaded soulseek. free music SOUNDS better. (yes, i'm quoting Mr. Wrong when the dude goes, "Stolen beer just TASTES better!")

neways.....i really hope grandma has sent money for this month, it hasn't come in yet. mom had to make a deposit of 50 bucks for me this morning so that i could go to the grocery store and not starve. food is necessary! i was seriously broke.

mom is coming to visit me this weekend!!! yay. i'll be happy to see her, and to show her my room and possibly my roomie, too! oh, this is gonna be fun. i'm such a dork! most college kids would want their mother gone. that is not to say that she never gets on my nerves - she DEFINITELY does from time to time, but it will be nice to see her, and to show her my new life. heck, she hasn't been here since i moved in. we'll probably go out to eat and do some hanging, but she's being really cool and sure to stay out of my hair. she doesn't want to interfere with my studies or nonexistent social life, so she'll tour the city when she's not with me. she's also not coming until saturday, so i'll still have friday night to do whatever with friends if anything is happening. (which it usually isn't, i'm generally just waiting for time to pass so that summer will come). i can't wait to re-read all my harry potter books!!!! leah and rachel have sparked a flame within me again, and i'm crazy eager to start reading potter again. i'm also looking forward to working and going to movies and....hopefully getting a boyfriend.

speaking of which, i'm considering asking out a guy (over the phone) tommorow. his name is chris, and he has the same english class that i do. he's from florida, and next year he will probably transfer to fiu. ugh. he's adorable...he has these big brown eyes that make me melt. good grief i'm a sap! i've been reading his livejournal (he doesn't know, of course, i'm being all stalker-ish). he plays electric and acoustic guitar, and he was in some band when he lived in FL. he seems like a really nice, fun guy - and i think he might be interested in me. (i stress the word MIGHT). but here's the thing: there's another guy who has our same english class who acts very weird around me, i think he may like me. i have to know whether or not chris is interested, b/c if i don't, i will be forever confused. i really like him, and i'm not particularly interested in this other guy. i feel like i need to act on my feelings, or else i won't know what to feel or who to flirt with. if chris isn't interested, i'd like to date the other guy, but if he IS interested, i'd pick chris over the other guy. i'm so confused. i just wish chris would ask me out, but i get the feeling he won't, b/c guys are shy and after all, he's moving back to FL next year. he also hates texas and texans with a passion. he's depressed and smokes weed. what the heck am i doing? Chris is not for me, but i like him anyway. i'm baffled. i have no idea what to do. i really want to ask him out, but then i'd have to actually follow through and go out with him, which really freaks me out. and then there's the weed thing...what is wrong with me? i dont want to like a guy who smokes weed. if he offered me weed, i would definitely say no. i wouldn't feel bad about saying no, either, it's just that i'm afraid i would start lecturing him on the dangers of weed, etc., etc. he would then proceed to dump me b/c of my uptightness. what am i thinking?

2:04 a.m. - 2005-04-10


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