backyard crowing


christalline confusion

Listening to: The Best of Supertramp
ďGoodbye StrangerĒ

Well, Iím not exactly sure if Chris has any intention of dating me. I donít know if I care, which is odd, because Iíve been thinking about him nonstop for the past six days. Iíve woken up in the middle of the night because of how nervous I am; no joke. I just want to be his friend at the very least, and to hang out with him a few times before he moves back to Florida. I mean, Iíd really like to get into a relationship with him, but Iím not sure if thatís the best thing for him or me. He may not even be interested for all I know. But who knows? I just hope he doesnít smoke pot.
ÖI want to kiss him! Ugh. I know that sounds extremely superficial Ė I certainly donít want only to kiss him, thatís not it. I simply want a fun friend, and if he wants more than friendship, than so do I.
Those brown eyes make me meltÖ
Heís got a nice voice, too. Itís nurturing, or something. And that crooked-toothed smile! How adorable!
Not much else is going on in my life, just this guy making me nuts. Did he ask me out? Did I invite myself? Why didnít he stop to talk to me after class today? Why did he call? Was it to ask me out, to get information on the paper, or both? He doesnít have a girlfriend, does he? The facebook says heís single. Iím so confused. But Iím actually happy to be confused at the moment. If heís interested, then thatís just peachy; if heís not, then I just want to be buds. Chris is a funny guy, he has a lot going for him. I donít know why Iím not more freaked out right now. For the past six days I have ripped my hair out trying to analyze everything that weíve said to each other, searching for the truth.

I think the most exciting thing was answering the phone on Sunday night:
M Ė Hello?
C Ė Hi.
M Ė Hi.
C Ė Do you know who this is?
M Ė (waits a moment) Chris???
C Ė You guessed it.

I totally did not expect to hear him on the other end of the line. Oh good grief, did he call Margo, too? He very well may have phoned her about the paper, too. AHHH! I donít know what to think. Thatís okay, though. This music consoles me. Itís okay if he doesnít like me. There will be other boys. I feel like maybe people have been praying for me. Iím usually not this calm if I think thereís a chance a guy isnít interested.

also, today i applied online for that job dad hooked me up with at face. it would be a riot if i worked both in a church AND at spencer's next summer! lol, i can just TASTE the irony!
revenge is sweet; irony sweeter.

Ended playing: "Dreamer"

9:03 p.m. - 2005-04-20


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