backyard crowing ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- parting is not such sweet sorrow (not today, anyway) i have two finals tommorow (eek!) and one the next day. i really ought to be studying right now, but i'm not. i'm seriously considering taking a TEFL course online this summer and getting certified. i would pay for it, of course--i'm not sure mom would be too pleased with me doing it. i'd like to, though. i have found a wealth of sites that offer TEFL online, and they're all different. it seems that every one of them is certified by someone else, and i don't know which company is authentic! grrr...looks like i have a lot of homework to do to find what option is best for me. i'm trying to end this year well. i want so much to be happy when i leave this place that it makes me crazy. i think i'm forcing myself to smile right now. i just want to leave and be on good terms with everyone who i know, and sometimes i wonder if that's even possible. i mean, i get along with the people i know, but they always seem to dissapoint me, and i imagine i dissapoint them. i know, that sounds ridiculous. i guess i'm just used to hanging out with a different crowd--a church crowd, a crowd that doesn't drink or smoke, a crowd of virgins. now i hang out with all genres of people, which is good and strange at the same time. i feel eager to get back with my "own kind", so to speak. i'm tired of feeling like the only person who doesn't have any experience in smoking, drinking, or sex. i guess i'm just a goody goody two shoes. oh, well! if that's me, so be it. good grief, whoever reads this will think i am obsessed with myself because of the number of times i say "i" in this journal. i this, i that, i blah blah blah.... day after tommorow dad gets here, and the next day we move out. i can hardly believe it. i'm feeling a little less nostalgic now than i have been the past few days, and a little bit more eager to get out of this place. it's time to go, and i'm ready. i am that timid little girl tugging on her daddy's sleeve, pleading to leave. wow, that last sentence sounded ridiculous. again, i surely haven't hated san antonio, indeed it's quite the opposite. it's just time to go. all things must come to an end, and i am plenty ready for this end to come. i must leave this place. i am a nomad, and there are no more buffalo here to eat. i am determined to not feel lonely. joey and elyse are next to me making out right now. so here i sit on my bed next to them, uncomfortable as usual.
Which Rock Chick Are You? 3:17 p.m. - 2005-05-09 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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