backyard crowing


.clean rooms

"Grad school is an extended adolescence." -something i saw in a psycology video

on moms getting hyseterical about their kids' rooms being messy:
it occurs to me that almost every mother and her offspring have this argument, and that perhaps the reason momms are so insistent upon a clean room is that they (in a way) have no real say as to how sparkling that room is. their fear is that the kid will grow up and get sick because they're so messy. then again, there are others (like mine, for example), that hold high standards for themselves as far as organization is concerned and so are twice as hard on their children to be neat.

so yeah...i don't know where that was going, and it's 2:34 in the morning, so forgive me, i'm not entirely "with it".

"Don't Lie" is a new song by the Black Eyed Peas and i've decided i like it.

i skipped school again. this is becoming a horribly bad habit. i desperately need to get into a better sleeping pattern, and tonight isn't helping.

i did a crapload (meaning around 8 or 9 loads) of laundry today. it was insane how long that took. i was going to see that movie "reel paradise" but my aunt got online and started to chat w/me so i missed it...grrr...i am too much of a nice guy. i should have just politely told her that i would be late if i didn't leave now. anyways, i changed my settings so that when windows comes up, messenger won't come up with it. therefore no more unexpected chats with an aunt you'd rather not be chatting with! instant messenger was my thing in junior high, but now it just annoys me. i get very little pleasure out of it. i have no gossip, that's what jr. high chatting always thrived on. and i can't "chat dirty" like erica does, and i become extremely bored when william starts typing my way (and he never fails to initiate a conversation, trust me). ...and mez is always WRITING IN ALL CAPS BECAUSE I AM NEVER ONLINE TO TALK TO HER. mez, there is a reason for that. why else do i not enjoy chatting, you ask? and i know nobody asked, but i'm telling you anyway. why chat when you can go see each other? i rarely have anything witty to say, and when chatting i find it's often even more difficult...although on the flip side i am a better writer than speaker. maybe that's wrong, maybe i'm a wittier chatter than i think. i dunno, but i do know i'm not as witty as erica, which i am cool with even though i keep writing about her. bottom line is, aim is something i am simply not addicted to. when i chat i feel like i need to keep the conversation rolling or else the other person will get offended. i hate having to say, "hey, i've gotta go now or else i won't make my 9:40 movie. tchao!" and what's ridiculous is that saying these things is not at all offensive--i just think it is. it's like when i'm on the phone i always wait for the other person to hang up before i do. i guess i just feel that if i stop chatting w/them, it is as if i have stopped listening to them, and i am a good listener (most of the time) and want to help people by listening.

i haven't revised this at all so i know it is complete crap.
"So I'm not Supermom. Deal with it." - one of mom's magnets

Cameron Crowe's new movie Elizabethtown with kirsten dunst and orlando bloom looks interesting. he did Almost Famous, so pretty much he can do no wrong.

also...the dude who played jeff bebe in almost famous (jason lee) will star in a new movie called "My Name is Earl", or "All About Earl", or something like that. jason lee has acted in other films too, of course, like "dogma".

quoi d'autre?
-i failed my bio and astronomy tests
-i will try harder
-nothing will stop me
-i will never take another 8:00 class again so long as i live

i just want to be held tonight. i'm lonely and i'm not ashamed of it. i think i and many have been taught to not be lonely, as if it's something embarassing or selfish that we shouldn't feel. even so, i think many of us on this earth do feel lonely and can't admit it. i feel lost and confused at this university, lost indeed in the "morass", as ross said. at the same time though i think this feeling is temporary, i think maybe i just need a little more time to adjust and feel like myself again. i don't know why i'm acting this way, really. i just want someone near me tonight, to just lay down in bed with me, someone to hug and whisper to, someone who i can show tender affection to without it leading to sex necessarily. yeah, i know i'm lonely, but i acknowledge and accept it. i refuse to be embarassed. i know almost no one here. i'm oddly scared and subdued. never have i done so poorly in school, but that doesn't seem to bother me too much. i have become an insomniac. i'm flunking two out of five of my courses, and probably will be flunking 3 out of 5 once i get my literature test score back. i don't know what to do with myself. i'm unhappy and thrilled all at the same time, and i just want to be close with someone. i once read something about how people like to be touched--in a platonic way, i mean. people tend to respond positively when you tap them on the shoulder or put your hand on their back or shake their hand with both of yours. the idea is that we humans know we don't bite, and when others acknowledge this, we feel like perhaps we have made ourselves understood, that people aren't reluctant to touch us. i think part of this "wanting to be touched" thing comes from the fact that we often don't feel quite up to par physically, and if we're touched we know we're not completely undesirable. here i go, rambling on again...i miss my roommate. of course she wouldn't be a person to cuddle with, but it still might be better than having no company at all. i guess i will whisper to the walls tonight, they never fail to exist.

2:21 a.m. - 2005-10-01


lovesounds - futuresex


about me