backyard crowing


doggone it i am going to succeed

what would i do if i wasn't in college? i'd probably be saving up to get there, wouldn't i? i need a degree, that's pretty clear. what if i up and left ut? what would i do? who would hire me? no one worthy, probably. i would surely go home and work my butt off to scrounge up some cash. then once i had earned enough (that would take 2-3 years, i think), i would move to france, permanently. i would live there for a year and acquire residency before i would able to get a job. then the second i could get a job in france, i would. aftter that, i would continue scrounging up money for college in france (and earn my BAC, if needed), and perhaps get a loan for college. then i would go to college there. then i would get a "real" job in france, i would settle down, and i would...hell, i don't know. what would i do if i lived in france? i mean, if i were a french citizen and living in france and all, what would i do for a living? what on earth would i do if i lived in france and had become fluent? what could france offer me, other than a beautiful home country in which to live and fluency? the reason i want to go there is to become fluent, and after a year of waiting for residency, i would be fluent. but then what? of course, i would get a job and earn as much money as possible to go to university there, and the other question is this: would they even hire me? janeane garofalo, weirdo expatriot? would i be weird to them? i feel like i would be, yes, because i'm foreign and to them i would have an accent. could i go up against such challenges? i think i could.

but the real question is, can i face the challenges of ut? can i live for today instead of dreaming about what i would do if i wasn't here? i don't know, but it's what i must learn to do. i want to live so that when i'm 83 i can look back and say, "good grief i've lived a great life! remember that? wow. i've done some unique stuff in my day!" i want to be the betty, full of stories that never get boring. i don't necessarily want to tell my life away to everybody else like she does, but i want that ablility, and some wild experiences like she has. (not the same experiences, though, i'm no lemming).

we have only so long to live on this earth, we can't waste time. and here i sit, doing just that.
listening to : the "you oughta know" album i got for free at the harry potter party--it's quite nice, actually. at first i didn't like it, which figures b/c i didn't pay for it, but it has grown on me considerably.

i don't know what to write. speaking of which, here's a funny quote i read a couple of days ago on somebody's livejournal:

"I don't know, I don't know. I don't know why I update. There's nothing to say."

heh. yup, i can relate to that. and i suppose i am now.
it's funny i mention the phrase "relate to". wilhite hated when we used that phrase in our papers! it doesn't make any sense, though, i can't blame him. what does one mean when one says, "i can relate to her story"? you can't be related to a story. i'm sorry, you simply can't.

thoreau. he is indeed thorough.
-lived on walden pond for 2 years and 2 months
-was a sweet transcendentalist
-was 14 yrs. younger than emerson, and knew emerson
-started some great new pencil company. he could have made a fortune doing that for the rest of his life, but he chose not to. why? thoreau wanted to explore every avenue of life, every way of living. he wanted to gain knowledge, he wanted to learn, he wanted to never "do once what he has done before." nice. i applaud you, mr. thoreau!
-he was put in jail for not having paid his taxes (he lived on walden pond, he built his house in the woods, he saw no reason to pay the town tax) and emerson had to come bail him out. at the jail, emerson was reported to have said, "what are you doing in there?" thoreau simply responded, "what are YOU doing out there?"
-thoreau had no taste for elegant pleasures, he was very down to earth

-his gettysburg address lasted a few minutes, and it is one of the most memorable speeches in american history
-BUT, he wasn't even the primary speaker that day--some other guy was. the other guy (i think his name was wallace)was the main speaker, and he spoke for two hours, thus boring that poor audience
-he is seen as the great emancipator, but he struggled with the issue of slavery himself. he owned slaves before he freed them. it was frederick douglass who finally convinced lincoln that slavery had to go in order for this country to live up to its promise--life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness for EVERY man
-he wanted first and foremost to save the union
-he said:
1. if freeing every slave would save the union, i would do it.
2. if freeing not one slave would save the union, i would do it.
3. if freeing some slaves but not all would save the union, i would do it.
-so you see, his primary goal was to save the union--that is, until frederick douglass came along and put some sense into his head

frederick douglass
-a rebellious slave
-he writes about his experiences
-his owner is Mr. Covey, who he portrays as a snake and a wolf
-douglass writes that he is like a mule
-he uses ANIMAL IMAGERY -- he is treated like an animal, while his owner becomes like an animal in his horrible
-stuff written by slaves like douglass was not always considered american literature--there was a time (not too long ago) when reading the writing of slaves was not a part of the curiculum for american lit
-Slave Writings had these 3 things:
a. Christian Sentimentality
b. (can't remember)
c. (can't remember)

-his family consisted of puritans
-he represents the dark side of transcendentalism
-he is haunted by his past and by his family history, he feels guilty
-he is one of those "Godly men without a God" in that he feels like he can't be a pious puritan just like his ancestors, but he needs to believe in something--he's unsatisfied in his unbelief, he knows the puritanism his family practiced is not for him, but he does want to have faith in something
-he writes about Goodman Brown, who is a LOT like himself
On Goodman Brown:
-he is married to a woman named Faith, who is a clear representation of his faith in God
-he says to Faith that he wants to go out one last time into the woods, he wants to party one last time. she begs him not to, but he goes anyway
-he arrives in the forest, and he arrives much MUCH sooner than he ought to, which is a hint to him that something is amiss
-Goodman meets an old man who looks much like himself--this old man carries a staff "like a green snake" and keeps offering it to him, since he's is tired
-at first Goodman rejects the old man's offers, but eventually he gives in, as he is so exhausted
-Goodman later finds out that the old man is Satan, and Goody (the lady that taught him catachisms) is in the forest, too. Goody rubs her neck on Satan's staff.
-Goodman sees everybody he knows (including even his wife Faith) in the forest, and they're all sinning. they're having a mock communion, and he is horrified that all the people he has loved and trusted and learned from are really evil people. as soon as he sees this stuff, he instantly wants to return to faith, to leave the forest.
-he finally is able to leave the forest as the sun rises (symbol of Jesus rising from the dead) and is now soured on life. he can't trust the people he loves most, he always has a load of doubt that he never had before.
-until the day he dies, his life is ruined b/c of this one "night of fun".

There are 4 types of data error:
1. Human and Machine Error
2. Sampling Error
3. Bias
4. Rounding and Precision Error
Ways to avoid these errors:
1. Blind
2. Replicates
3. some other stuff
4. too but i can't remember what a ce moment

-photons - particles of light (light can also come in waves)
i'm so tired i'm gonna fall asleep. goodnight.

1:07 a.m. - 2005-10-13


lovesounds - futuresex


about me