backyard crowing
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100th Entry and 100 things about moi!
so this is the much-anticipated (not) 100th entry of yours truly, JANEANE GAROFALO!!!!!!!!!!!
welcome.
i've seen quite a few people do "100 Things" lists in their journals. while i don't particularly enjoy being a copycat, i think it would be fun to try. who knows what will come out of making this list? okay, i'll begin:
1. i should really be studying right now
2. i'm listening to the all-american rejects
3. i own a brita water filter container thingy but i waste my money on propel fitness water and vitaminwater almost everyday
4. sometimes i hope somebody will find these words and know me better
5. i tend to shut out my friends, i don't know why
6. when i'm in a relationship i don't really know how to act, i'm so new to the whole dating thing
7. according to my friend ruthie, i have "a weird sense of humor", and i'm proud of it--not offended in the least
8. i strive to be unique, i don't like the norm
9. i don't know what i want to do when i grow up, but i had better get a clue, and quick
10. i don't know why i still think about my cousin who i have a thing for. i even have songs that remind me of him, songs that i played when i first met him. it's useless to imagine we could ever become anything more than what we are--cousins. i pray for him whenever i think about him
11. i love hanson! i hope they play at my wedding! (i know that is almost impossible, but whatever)
12. a couple of weeks ago in astronomy we had a homework assignment, and part of the assignment was to draw a diagram thingy. i did the homework and wrote "see attached" for the diagram without drawing it. i got half credit.
13. i need to drop a course, and while i should probably drop astronomy rather than anthropology, i will most likely drop anthropology because i have the hots for some guy i don't think i've ever spoken with who is in that class. (maybe once though, i'm not sure). odds are i will never approach this boy, because i am pretty sure i freak him out, but i will probably not drop that class just because of him. it's amazing how much people mean to each other without even knowing it. i can think of a few people (no, not just guys) who are sort of "monumental" for me, but they have no idea.
14. i don't know exactly why i love travelling so much. sometimes i think maybe i have a psycological problem of some kind that makes me want to be away from wherever i am. you know, like a bad childhood or something.
15. but i didn't really have a bad childhood. just because your parents divorce doesn't mean you're screwed up forever. for a couple of years, yeah, you're not yourself, but eventually you get over it. it affects some people more than others, and some divorces are more tragic than others. mine was less tragic than most. i still regularly contact both of my parents (but they no longer contact each other, it's weird and unsettling) and am in good standing with both of them. i'm not particularly angry at either of them about the divorce, it's my normal now. if they were gonna get back together that would be...freaky.
16. i'm wondering how long this list will take, especially since i should be studying.
17. i'm seriously considering getting a tattoo on my ankle that says "Paris" in pretty font. tattoos are VERY un-Janeane, but i don't really care. part of the reason i want to do it is for the shock factor. it wouldn't be very big, though--and hey, i love paris.
18. i love the book "The Catcher in the Rye". i can't find my copy, which irks me immensely, but at the same time i think perhaps i am better off not being able to find it. that book has more cursing than any other book i've ever read, maybe not having it is preventing me from devaluing my life. dad was weary of my reading it, and even suggested we read it TOGETHER. hell no. i think maybe he hid my book. he probably didn't, but just the thought infuriates me. holden you're my angry hero of sorts. i only read it because it was a banned book, and the dude who shot kennedy read this book, blaming it for "telling him to kill the president" or something like that.
19. i'm 19. i'm excited about being 20 because then i will no longer be a teenager! although i think i will miss some teeager-y things. i probably won't admit that to anyone.
20. i don't drink and i'm a virgin. i'm not ashamed of these qualities.
21. i think it's sort of lame that the drinking age in the us is 21, which makes it so that only seniors in college can legally ingest booze, and not their juniors/sophomores/freshman. not that herds of kids obey drinking laws, i know right well they don't -- but i just think the drinking age is lame. i don't even like to drink, and i've only done it a couple of times, in france. eh. i mean, it's there for a reason, but whatever...did you know that there's pretty much no drinking age in france, and the percentage of people in france who are alcoholics is very small? it's the allure of alcohol, we americans can't drink it, therefore we want it. but i must admit, we can drive at age 16, while francophones can't drive until age 18. sucks to be them. you know what? the more i think about it, the more i think we have it better. driving is more of a freedom than drinking is. i feel more independent and more powerful with the ability to just drive off than i think i ever would sipping wine. i like that i've realized this!
(note: the drinking age in france is 18, but nobody abides by this)
22. my friend lauren and i were going to start a band called "mile high" when we were in junior high. i got a bass guitar for my birthday and never played it enough to learn anything lasting. she played drums and percussion in band. she would always ask me how things were coming along as far as my bass-learning went. i always felt bad when i had to say i hadn't practiced in ages. needless to say, we never formed the band. i hope she likes the college life in denton, i think she does. she's now a lesbian. when we were in elementary school we were inseparable, and we took a bath once together (with my mom present). this really doesn't gross me out in the least, but unfortunately i think it would most people.
23. i tend to not stay with a guy if they're too "hick" for me.
24. i like jamba juice a bit too much. i love the atmosphere in that place, too--the brighter than the sun walls, the trendy, classically good music. it's not classical music, it's just classically good. does that make sense to you?
25. prolly not.
26. i think i have too many goals, and they are too high.
27. i may be too picky about guys. i think i'd rather be too picky than not picky enough, though. but still, both traits suck.
28. i LOVE the poem "Since Feeling is First" by e.e. cummings. if he was alive today and my age..........i would jump on him.
29. i love making mix cds for people i know. i get such joy from giving away the songs that mean something to me that i don't really care that it's illegal.
30. i don't follow politics as much as i should. i am politically apathetic. i voted for bush, though. (i don't advertise this fact, i don't want to admit i voted for the republican when i'm in a sea of democrats here in austin).
31. i think democrats and republicans are both nuts. i hate talking politics because i'm not well informed, so i don't know what to say.
32. i talk more than i did in high school. i've broken out of my shell a little bit and i'm trying to decide if some of this "breaking out" wasn't positive. when someone asks me a question about myself, i elaborate now. sometimes i think that in my elaboration, i bore people. sometimes i know this.
33. i love accents! i wish i had one. maybe that's part of why i want to expatriate. :D hahahhahaha
34. i think it's ironic that my "american dream" is expatriation! and i LOVE irony!!!!!!!
35. i wish i felt comfortable walking around in my pyjamas in the dining hall. i wish everybody did. life would be so much easier if that were true.
36. i think my old history prof is really attractive, in a old guy way. he's about fifty i think...so hot!
37. i love red hair and have loved it since i was a little girl. i decided to play clarinet in band after seeing "Mr. Holland's Opus". in the movie one of the characters is a redhead who plays the clarinet, and she's discouraged because she can't play too well. her band director (another attractive senior, richard dreyfuss) boosts her confidence and then she rocks out on her horn. yeah. movies influence us in crazy ways, believe it!
38. i haven't yet seen "the interpreter" but my dream job is to be one.
39. my roommate (cristy) said she was bossy. i'm sorry, but i agree with her sometimes.
40. i want to have real friends. i have a couple of them. i wonder how exactly people acquire them.
41. i don't want to get married anytime soon, but a couple of weeks ago in biology i was sitting next to a guy who i am often beside. i was feeling so lonely i almost turned to him and asked him to marry me. i was on my period at the time, so perhaps that was part of it. i know nothing about him. i just wanted to feel close to someone. i have never in my life considered asking anyone (except maybe my cousin) to marry me. i don't think i've ever felt this lonely. again, i think this is another example of people meaning far more to each other than we imagine. i hope i don't take for granted the people who admire me.
"To the world you may be nobody, but to somebody you are the world." -i don't know where that's from, but it's exactly what i'm trying to say
42. i really wish i had made drum major tryouts. i tried hard but i didn't get it. i guess i'm not much of a leader, but at the same time i desire to be one. what is wrong with me? i'm beginning to accept that i'm a natural born follower, and that it takes all kinds of people to make a world. if we were all leaders nothing would get done!
43. i'm not sure if the guy of my dreams will be outgoing or shy, a leader or a follower, so i'm not sure who to look for.
44. my father read my mother's diary. that's one of the reasons they divorced. of the things that make me dislike my father, that to me is the worst.
45. my parents love me very much, i am lucky to have them. i really don't have much to regret about them, they're both superb and two completely different people. at the same time, though, it amazes me sometimes how much they have in common.
46. i like to send other people the notes i took in class over the internet--people i don't know, even. i enjoy sprucing up the notes, and making them a bit more entertaining when i can. i get a bit annoyed if they don't thank me.
47. i live on the top floor of my building, but the time i spend in the elevator doesn't bother me. elevators are like speed dating. i'm not annoyed when it takes a while to get where i'm going when i'm in a car, unless of course i'm late.
48. i can be a bit of a recluse.
49. i don't know whether to love or hate reality tv. it disgusts me and pulls me in at the same time. sometimes i am better about turning it off than others.
50. i often wonder what i am doing in college...and what i am doing in life.
51. i've considered purging as a method of weightloss. i've never done it, just thought about it.
52. my heart's desire is to study abroad.
53. i want to go farther than my parents did scholastically--maybe get my doctorate in french, even. i think i would enjoy being a french professor.
54. i like the mountains 10x as much as the beach, but i still love swimming, be it in ocean or pool
55. i think having sex in a body of water would be fun
56. i wonder if it's weird that i never masturbate. i used to almost every night when i was younger, but not anymore. i think maybe one of my parents walked in on me and i've blocked out that memory.
57. i think jack white (of the white stripes) is incredibly attractive, but he beat the crap out of some singer from the Von Bondies. i don't think of him any differently--i still listen to his music and love it. i think my dad believes i look down on the band because of his violent ways, but i don't really care. his music is what matters most to me, i'll probably never know him.
58. i'm pretty sure i saw daniel today when i went to chipotle. he was right in front of me in the line, and after i paid i walked out the door because i got my burrito to go. he sat down next to a girl. i am such a freak. i think he thinks i didn't see him, if it was indeed him.
59. i like edgar allen poe, but i'm honestly a cheery sort if you meet me in person
60. i was slightly disappointed when i heard that taylor hanson got married. i know quite well this is stupid.
61. i don't miss high school at all. oddly enough, i enjoyed junior high. most people absolutely hate it.
62. i haven't washed my bedding once since i arrived in austin. that means i haven't washed my sheets in about two months.
63. i don't like eating in front of people, especially if i'm on a date with them/eyeing them. i think this is pretty normal, though.
64. i know that majoring in psycology is not for me. i know this. even though psycology interests me, i know i am not passionate about it--and i refuse to major in something that i am not passionate about.
65. i root for the fat people. i like fat actors and musicians, i think they're brave.
66. i am so shy that last friday when i saw my french professor on the street (who i think is GREAT) i didn't even say hi. i feel like an idiot--not only do i think she is great, but if she saw me back (she was wearing sunglasses, so she probably did) she was probably offended.
67. i am annoyed that after my interview with the Discovery Store in my mall, nobody called me to say somebody else got the job. i even wrote a letter to thank the lady for the interview. i didn't get a call, a note, an email, nothing. i just never saw her again. boo discovery store, you ungrateful people suck.
ok, that's really mean and unlike me. sorry.
68. i use my roommate's (cristy's) q-tips. (i throw them in the trash after i'm done with them, of course, but still, they're not MY q-tips). i don't really think she would care, but i should ask first.
69. when i'm in public and i get nervous, i rummage through my purse to look for something, check to see that is is present, and then close my purse as if i have just assured myself that the object is indeed there. sometimes i look for my cellphone, sometimes just a piece of paper. this works especially well if i see someone and don't want to look at them.
70. the other day i was at jamba juice and i saw some girls from Christians on Campus ordering smoothies (i dropped out of the group). i didn't want to talk to them, because i knew they would invite me to something and i'd be forced to make up some lame transparent excuse as to why i couldn't go. i rummaged through my purse looking for money and conveniently couldn't find any. i promptly left the store. i don't know if they saw me or not.
71. i have kicked my dog when i was angry at my mother.
72. sometimes i think it would be fun to be Catholic or Jewish so i could go to confession and learn Hebrew. (most Catholics i know rarely if ever go to confession, and i know hardly any Jews, but whatever...)
73. i'm disappointed when i can't remember my dreams, because i enjoy dissecting them.
74. when i was five or so i stole my mom's fabric chalk. she had plenty of it, but of course she found out anyway. i was a little thief as a child, i stole a zipper at a cloth store we went to one day.
75. i'm extremely independent, but i do need other people. sometimes it's hard for me to accept this.
76. i HATED my former roommate's perfume, she used Curves. it is a sickeningly sweet concoction and i can't stand it. i'm so glad my new roomie has better taste, scent-wise.
77. i don't really seek attention, and i don't want it, but sometimes i get jealous if i don't get it. i don't understand why.
78. i feel helpless in math classes.
79. i tend to take people and myself too seriously. i am the most gullible person i know. i wish i could make people laugh like lauren can.
80. i like being mom's house in the afternoon, turning off all the lights in the place, and blasting music.
81. i love dancing and singing in the rain, but i think i've only done it once.
82. working in wal-mart where everyone knows everyone was not for me. the people were for the most part kind, but i don't want to live in a community so small as tomball, i know i would positively detest living in a small town.
83. when i was little i wanted to live in a small town or on a farm. i have since changed my mind, although i would be happy in a small town if it was in france.
84. i thought at one point in my life that homosexuality was wrong. my dad still believes it.
85. i'm not sure if i agree with gay marriage. elyse knows how she feels, though, and she has a point.
86. i find life without a cellphone liberating.
87. i love recognizing a band after hearing the first few notes of a song. this always seems to impress my dad, and it makes me feel good.
88. i also enjoyed keyboarding in junior high, i learned so much from it. if i had not taken that class, this journal would probably be on paper rather than on screen, as i type faster than i write.
89. sometimes i wonder if i'm a lesbian. i don't think i am, though. i've also considered trying it out, just for kicks. i'm not hot enough to be a lesbian, though--they all mostly look like models.
90. i can't decide whether i feel like i've been in austin a long time or not. sometimes a week ago feels like ages ago, and sometimes move in seems like yesterday.
91. i am so sick of writing random facts about myself down. i am really interesting enough to warrant 100 aspects about myself in one journal entry.
92. i have been to france twice. there ya go, there's something interesting.
93. my favorite color is green, but it used to be purple. unfortunately my mother's favorite color is green, too, so it's like i'm copying her. wow i feel like an elemantary schooler just writing this.
94. gatorade is gross because it has so much sodium in it. IT is not in me. propel, however, rocks my world.
95. i have used the word "though" 15 times in this journal entry, though i don't care. there, that makes 16.
96. when i worked at wal-mart i would write my thoughts down on bits of paper during my lunch hour. i felt like this was therapeutic for me, as my job gave my very little joy, and i usually felt uptight but tried to act unphased. i guess that's work, though. good grief there's another one! 17 thoughs!
97. i lost my class ring on a trip to montana one year in some park. i got it back when a kind soul went to Balfour (that's my class ring company) and returned the ring to them. since my full name was engraved on the inside of the ring, Balfour knew exactly who i was and where i lived! i got it back, i am so blessed! i mean, a class ring isn't everything, but i'm glad i didn't lose mine for good. dad did, but that's another story.
98. i feel weird in home depot. i am all for women doing everything that men can do, and i think feminism is great, but i can't say i'm comfortable in a home depot. i know, it's pathetic. i need to get over myself.
99. i get pissed sometimes if dad tells me to go get him more drink/food/silverware etc. when we're at the dinner table. if we have company i pretty much can't complain, but good night it infuriates me sometimes. i'm female, yes, but that doesn't mean i am the official beverage-getter, especially if you are closer to the fridge.
100. I AM SO HAPPY THIS IS FINALLY OVER!
goodbye already, i will stop boring you now. if you have made it this far, kudos to you, because this must have been one dull son of a bitch to read!
2:02 p.m. - 2005-10-18
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