backyard crowing


my t.a. wrote back ! woohoo!

listening to: Jimmy Eat World's album "Futures". I'm pissed that i can't find my other album of theirs, it seems to have disappeared, and it is the better album. oh well.

i think i'm just starting to gain some perspective on my life, and life in general. i'm beginning to realize that people are what is important in our lives, not accomplishments or awards or honors. in the end we remember those around us and how we have depended on each other. people who are cutthroat--those who are out only to benefit themselves--are unhappy people, and i don't want to be one of them. at the same time, i do have goals, yet i don't want to risk unhappiness by trying too hard to succeed at them. does this make sense? perhaps not, but it does to me.

on another note...
My T.A. wrote back to me on what i wrote:

"I believe Dickinson would understand that sort of worship, too! Great submission, Janeane, and you're right. Missing Church then was a much bigger deal than it is now. Although I'll say Dickinson would probably have told you to do it even if you felt alone and no-one else you knew did it. She'd probably say that would be one of the biggest indications that you were right in doing so."

thank you, eric! he's a good guy, our t.a. is. and he's incredibly smart, and loves reading (although i guess one must if one is an english grad student). he's also married and loves j.r.r. tolkein. at first glance, he doesn't seem the sort to be an english major; he looks a bit like a football player. but when he opens his mouth he's intelligent, and he even read Poe's "The Raven" in class one day. he was only supposed to read part of the poem, and when he stopped the prof said, "Oh, read the whole damn thing!" He has a great reading voice.

hopefully after i get my literature test grade back today i will like him as much as i do now.

another thing: eric actually knows who i am. when he gave back the first test, he walked around the room, giving each person their used bluebook, so he knows everyone's name! that, to me, is impressive. i hope if i am ever a t.a. (which, as a french major, i'm not exactly sure how that would work) that i am as helpful as he.

realization: college is taking what other people say to heart, it's figuring out a way to make their words make sense to you. it's also a lot more than that, but at the moment that's what i'm thinking about.

P.S. IT'S FREEZING!!!!!!! the cold front came in and my mood shoots up when that happens!

listening to: jimmy eat world's "23"
this must be what heaven sounds like.
i'm really wondering what i'm doing here in college, but moreover, what am i doing here in the world? what is my purpose? what am i supposed to be? am i taking myself seriously enough? why did God put me here, anyway?
His answer was so simple: serve. How can I be confused now?
If service is all He wants out of me--out of all of us, what's so hard about that? It's easier said than done. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------

1. Who did you last get angry with?:

oh gosh...i have no idea. myself.

2. What is your weapon of choice?:

negative thoughts i suppose, i don't cut myself or anything terrible like that

3. Would you hit a member of the opposite sex?:

i think i would have to be EXTREMELY angry, angrier than i've ever been before

4. How about of the same sex?:

same deal

5. Who was the last person who got really angry at you?:

definitely mom. or perhaps cristy, silently, but i think mom. mom is the only person who regularly gets angry at me anyway.

6. What is your pet peeve? music i think.

7. Do you keep grudges, or can you let them go easily?:

i've done both. i like to think i let them go easily, but sometimes i don't.


1.What is one thing you're supposed to do daily that you haven't done in a while?

this isn't a daily thing, but i haven't washed my bedding since i moved in (it's been two months). i did wash my pillow covers yesterday though, just nothing else.

2.What is the latest you've ever woken up?

probably 3pm or so

3.Name a person you've been meaning to contact, but haven't:

christa, although i haven't really been meaning to contact her. mom too.

4.What is the last lame excuse you made?

i don't feel like it, i'd rather write poetry.

5.Have you ever watched an infomercial all the way through (one of the long ones)?

heheh yeah *cringes*

6.When was the last time you got a good workout in?:

Friday i worked out for an hour and burned 422 calories. (treadmill)

7.How many times did you hit the snooze button on your alarm clock today?

2 (i had to wake up early to do my french paper that i had put off all weekend)


1.What is your overpriced yuppie beverage of choice?


2.Meat eater?

yeah, but not an avid one. i like chicken, but i don't eat beef very often.

3.What is the greatest amount of alcohol you've had in one sitting/outing/event?:

a couple of heinekens and some mixed drink in france i think. it was orange juice mixed with some kind of alcohol, i can't remember what.

4.Have you ever used a professional diet company?

? i guess not if i don't understand the question. my mom was on weight watchers for a while, and we went vegetarian together.

5.Do you have an issue with your weight?

yeah. i want to lose 20-30 pounds. that would be awesome.

6.Do you prefer sweets, salty foods, or spicy foods?

yes. sweet the most though

7.Have you ever looked at a small pet or child and thought, "LUNCH"? can't say that I have


1.How many people have you seen naked (not counting movies/family)?

uh.......none? wow i'm a prude! ha!

2.How many people have seen YOU naked (not counting physicians/family)?

no idea. at least a couple of people at um army, which is a summer mission trip thing my church does. anyways i went one year and we showered in a local high school, where the showers were not very well hidden at all. i mean, it wasn't just rows upon rows of shower heads on a wall, there was more coverage than that, but still it was quite a bit more than i was accustomed to.

3.Have you ever caught yourself staring at the chest/crotch of a member of your gender of choice during a normal conversation?:

.......women are sometimes sort of sexy, but i'm not a lesbian. eh, perhaps i'm slightly bi or something. no matter, i'll marry or be single.

4.Have you done "it"?

nope. and i'm sorry, but that's a lame way to pop the question.

5.What is your favourite body part on a person of your gender of choice?:

eyes, smile, lankiness/thinness, hair, hands, height

6.Have you ever been propositioned by a prostitute?:

oh my gosh! NO!

7.Have you ever had to get tested for an STD or pregnancy?

pregnancy, but only to make sure i could take accutane. i knew i wasn't pregnant.


1.How many credit cards do you own?:


2.What's your guilty pleasure store?:

best buy for the cds, and to ooh and ahh over xm radio

3.If you had $1 million, what would you do with it?:

get an awesome education--get my doctorate in french, move to france, go to university there and make something of myself! expatriate!

4.Would you rather be rich or famous?:


5.Would you accept a boring job if it meant you would make megabucks? depends on how boring it was....but probably i would take the job. :(

6.Have you ever stolen anything?:


7.How many MP3s are on your hard drive?:

no idea


1.What's one thing you have done that you're most proud of?:

writing, even if i'm not too good at it. also learning french and having great taste in music.

2.What's one thing you have done that your parents are most proud of?

getting into a really good university, not giving up

3.What's one thing would you like to accomplish in your life?:

fall in love

4.Do you get annoyed by coming in second place?

no. although i wansn't too happy when i didn't make drum major after trying out three years in a row.

5.Have you ever entered a contest of skill, knowing you were of much higher skill than all the other competitors?:

no, not that i can think of. i mean, i took french 101 freshman year, but that's only because i had to, and that's a long story.

6.Have you ever cheated on something to get a higher score?:

yeah, i did it a couple of times on quizzes in high school, and at least once in elementary. not in college, though, that's much too risky!

7.What did you do today that you're proud of?:

went to class, got up and did my french paper and kicked butt on it (or at least i hope so)


1.What item (or person) of your friends would you most want to have for your own?

i would like cristy's good grades hehe! also a boyfriend would be nice. not anybody's boyfriend in particular, just a boyfriend. than again, i honestly have no time for one right now. he'd need to be pretty darned special to come into my life at the moment as i need to focus on my studies rather than guys.
that's what the summer was for.

2.Who would you want to go on "Trading Spaces" with?

leslie or maybe krista and lisa

3.If you could be anyone else in the world, who would you be?: hm. tegan and sara, or meg white of the white stripes, or kate hudson who is married to one of the black crowes (a band). julia roberts would be fun as well.

4.Have you ever been cheated on?:

i don't know. maybe.

5.Have you ever wished you had a physical feature different from your own?

i wish i had zero zits and a long, tiny torso. and a prettier neck, and a less babyish face. basically i just want to be uber thin.

6.What inborn trait do you see in others that you wish you had for yourself?

super high metabolism (=skinny, which i am not)

7.Finally, what is your favourite deadly sin?:

huh? i don't know what you're talking about.

2:41 p.m. - 2005-10-24


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