backyard crowing
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\"...go find out why you're alive.\" -JM
I just discovered my cool cousin Jenna has a xanga, and a facebook, AND a myspace account! So, we're now officially hooked up in three kinds of ways. I read a few of her myspace entries while listening to the Indigo Girls, and one hit home particularly well. I've made a few corrections and edited a bit for your sake. She has absolutely the right idea, but perhaps not the means to express it in words. Anyways it was enough to make me think. Voila:
"I've really been thinking these past couple of days. Really thinking over my life, myself, and everything. I find that when I'm not focused on the right stuff, and I'm just looking at me, I start acting all weird, and funny acting. Kind of know-it-all-ish and strangely stuck-up. I overanalyze things. Anyway I act weird, and feel weird, and really can't stand the sight of my own face in the mirror for days at a time. And it's not because I have low self-esteem, it's because I'm trying to do something I'm not made to do. And you know how whenever you need a hammer - well a screw-driver might help out a bit, but it's just not how it's supposed to be used. And I start to feel sick to my stomach, and don't want to do anything. I'm late to everything, I'm grumpy, rebellious, and catty. I get offended easily and am not sensitive to other people's feelings and emothions. I feel left out alot and am selfish. And for that I would like to apologize and thank my friends for not dropping me this past month.
As for the solution, I know why I'm here, even if I lose sight of that sometimes. And you know when you are doing what you're made to do, because when you do it, nothing else matters. Nothing. And it's great. And that is why I love my God. When I obey him, it's freedom. I realize this is so contradictory from what everyone has told us. Obedience is freedom. Everyone tells us to rebel. But that doesn't work, and it is a dangerous game to play. Plus, it doesn't work. Obedience really is freedom. Obedience to God. It's not like he makes these rules to control us, or to be mean. What kind of God would that be? So why did he make rules? Why didn't he just let us do anything and everything we want? Why won't you let a two-year old play in the street? Why won't you let them eat all the candy they want? Or swallow anything? Or put their fingers in electric sockets?
It's because you know better then they do. You know that even though they are living in the moment, and they're doing what feels right to them, they're about to get electrocuted or run over. It's the same thing with God, from what I can see. This is why the whole "teen rebellion" thing doesn't make ny sense to me.
A) it's not rebellion any way, it's conforming to the stereotype.
B) there's no way anything really good can come from it.
C) it sems to cost money or jail time anyway.
So that's why I've never done any drugs, drank, or had anything close to sex. But it's more than just the fact that I've cracked open an eye and taken a peak into the reality of my actions and the effect they can have on me. I mean, some people are "straight edge" and don't do this stuff anyway, but if you come to the realization that if there is an all-powerful being who loves us ungrateful things so much to give us rules (he actually had to talk to us to do this), then there must be more - right? I mean why would he put forth such an effort if he didn't want something more? Is God honestly going to just fly down and be all, "Hey - don't hurt yourself, here are some tips..." and then just leave us to ourselves? Clearly not. So what does he want then? Why did he make you? Why does he want you?
I think I know why He wants me. And it's the same reason why He wants you from what I can tell. So go find out why you're alive."
5:49 p.m. - 2005-12-08
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