backyard crowing


Christmas Day - weirdest chat ever

i named this guy freak...for good reason, i do believe. he did have a few interesting things to say though. what strange things to discuss on Christmas day, can't say i'm proud of it.

(1:17) [freak] how old are you
[jane] how old are you?
(1:17) [freak] old enough to eat my cheese ?
(1:17) [freak] 19
[jane] no, not that old
(1:17) [freak] im only asking for significant reasons
[jane] cheese, hm? i'm female
[jane] 'significant reasons'?
[jane] and what are those
(1:18) [freak] yea i might know you
(1:18) [freak] whats your age
[jane] and no, janeane is not my real name
[jane] 19
[jane] neither is jane
[jane] for that matter
(1:19) [freak] do you smell
[jane] you might know me? there are plenty of 19 year olds in tx
[jane] yes, like roses and crap
(1:19) [freak] i know a texan by jane
[jane] why, do you?
[jane] huh?
(1:20) [freak] im a baker
(1:20) [freak] is why
[jane] you mean you know a texan named donna?
[jane] that's cool
(1:20) [freak] wait
(1:20) [freak] barbara
[jane] you're a 19 year old baker?
(1:20) [freak] but i actually think her name is margaret
[jane] i didn't know they made them that young
(1:20) [freak] i baked myself
[jane] well, my real name is neither of those
[jane] really? baked yourself, eh?
(1:21) [freak] id love to see your name
[jane] well i'm not giving it away
(1:21) [freak] no i didnt bake myself, thats silly to say and impossible to do
[jane] yeah i know
(1:21) [freak] my last name is baker
(1:21) [freak] stoopid
[jane] ok, didn't catch on
[jane] are you a guy?
(1:22) [freak] you must have ate your broccoli as a kid
[jane] and why's that?
(1:22) [freak] yea but im gay so dont try your sticky love lust lore crap
[jane] haha
[jane] 'sticky love lust lore crap'? wow
(1:23) [freak] im actually not gay
(1:23) [freak] but i try so hard
[jane] to get the girl?
(1:23) [freak] no
[jane] or to act gay
(1:23) [freak] to not like girls
(1:23) [freak] girls are trouble
[jane] you try hard not to like girls. hm.
[jane] well i'm a girl but i have no ill feelings towards gay people
[jane] even though i am a texan
[jane] texas = very very very red state
(1:24) [freak] you hate gays
[jane] what?
[jane] no
(1:24) [freak] its in your blood
[jane] psssshhh
[jane] whatever
[jane] my grandparents aren't into homosexuality
[jane] but whatever
[jane] that doesn't mean I'M just like them
(1:25) [freak] ur a girl tho
[jane] yes, i'm a girl. so what?
[jane] don't worry about me, i'm not trouble
(1:25) [freak] you dont know what its like
(1:25) [freak] k good
(1:26) [freak] are you heavyset
[jane] to be the bad man?
[jane] no
(1:26) [freak] k
(1:26) [freak] whats your favorite food
[jane] why?
(1:26) [freak] just say cheese
(1:26) [freak] i dont know
[jane] why cheese? is that another name for cum or something?
(1:27) [freak] are you trying to be gross or something?
[jane] no, i thought YOU were
(1:27) [freak] why do my fingers crack
(1:27) [freak] and why do i crack them
[jane] with all the cheese references
(1:27) [freak] is this bc i want to hear the sound
[jane] i'm thinking you crack your fingers because you're on crack
[jane] hehehehe
(1:28) [freak] no im on acid and my computer bleeds cheese, so does the ceiling fans and cats
(1:28) [freak] haha, i really like you
(1:28) [freak] why is that
[jane] are you seriously on acid?
(1:28) [freak] haha yea
[jane] why is what?
(1:29) [freak] why have i put the cheese in my brain
[jane] i don't know
(1:29) [freak] ask master splinter or something
(1:29) [freak] yea you dont know
[jane] but it was my cheese. YOU MOVED MY CHEESE!
[jane] no, i don't know
(1:29) [freak] u moved ur own cheese, booger
(1:30) [freak] why are you in texas
[jane] huh? who is the master splinter?
[jane] hmmmm?
(1:30) [freak] cant you just leave
[jane] yeah, i could go away
(1:30) [freak] not a turtle fan i guess
(1:30) [freak] wanna come to my house
[jane] no thanks
(1:30) [freak] i have lots of cheese and acid
(1:30) [freak] and ceiling fans and cats
[jane] i'm not a mountain booger kind of girl
[jane] thanks though
(1:31) [freak] well im not at heart, but sometimes i try to find other boogers
[jane] we're all boogers in this world :)
(1:31) [freak] thought you were a mtn booger, but maybe you are a plain ol booger
(1:31) [freak] right
(1:31) [freak] you seem sharp for 19
(1:31) [freak] that is refreshing
[jane] what? you said you were a mtn. booger
[jane] why thank you
[jane] i try
(1:32) [freak] i say alot of things, doesnt mean they are ever true
[jane] oh. ok then i won't take that last line as a compliment
(1:32) [freak] im just trying to get your cheese
[jane] oh. well i don't have any
[jane] i'm not a baker like you
[jane] hehehe
(1:32) [freak] no plz dont think that was a lie
(1:33) [freak] flatter yourself
[jane] well ok then
[jane] i can do that
(1:33) [freak] im not a baker ...
[jane] i know
[jane] just messing with you
(1:33) [freak] i only bake cheese from within my own bodily oven
[jane] ah! seeeeee? you're referring to 'cheese' as cum
(1:33) [freak] occasionaly i will make some hummus or shiitake soup
(1:34) [freak] or essence of life
[jane] nice
[jane] essence of life? oh geez
(1:34) [freak] cheese is more than cum
[jane] HA!
[jane] it is your essence then
[jane] that'
(1:34) [freak] it takes more ingredients than cum to marinate cheese
[jane] good to know
[jane] because you know i've always wanted to make cheese with my cum
(1:35) [freak] you might pocess some extreme gourmet shit
[jane] i might
(1:35) [freak] delicatessan
[jane] or i might not
[jane] right now i'm thinking not
[jane] but you go for it man
[jane] so you say girls are trouble?
(1:36) [freak] your prolly prettier than i
[jane] why do you say that?
(1:36) [freak] yea , cus i love them too much
[jane] i can lie too, you know
(1:36) [freak] i always wanted to be one, cus i thought they had something extra special
[jane] girls are 51 percent of the population, so guys are more rare
[jane] hehehe
(1:37) [freak]
(1:37) [freak] tell me i look like a girl
[jane] why?
[jane] would it make you feel good or something?
(1:38) [freak] would it make you feel good
(1:38) [freak] im dying
(1:38) [freak] i wanna know
[jane] ok now you're just being ridiculous
(1:38) [freak] will you stop being ridiculous
(1:38) [freak] plz
(1:39) [freak] im not being firm, just sensitive
[jane] oh wow you really are on acid
(1:39) [freak] i just want you to know
[jane] i'm not looking at your page, sorry
[jane] that i'm the love of your life?
[jane] erm, thanks but no thanks
(1:39) [freak] you could be
[jane] i suppose it's possible
[jane] but i would never know if i met you
* jane hugs freak
(1:40) [freak] yea but god likes to play games
[jane] yeah, but that's awesome
(1:41) [freak] so you will prolly fuck me over somewhere in life
[jane] what makes you say that? i am not one to fuck over the love of my life
[jane] i doubt you are either
[jane] punk
(1:41) [freak] see now your on my level
[jane] was i ever so high?
(1:42) [freak] higher
[jane] can you take me higher?
[jane] (creed)
[jane] to a place where a blind man sees?'
[jane] yeah
[jane] so anyways
(1:42) [freak] nice one ....... but thats why i came to you
(1:42) [freak] bc i can
[jane] you came to me because you could?
[jane] i'm confused
(1:43) [freak] take you higher ?
[jane] ahhhh, ok
[jane] cool
(1:43) [freak] now im confused
(1:43) [freak] its 3 am here
(1:43) [freak] when is santa coming
(1:43) [freak] ive been waiting
(1:43) [freak] all i see is cheese
[jane] hahaha. my impression is that you came to me because you could take me higher
(1:43) [freak] but nothing in the stockings
[jane] oh that's sexy
[jane] 'take me higher'
[jane] uh huh
[jane] it's 1:45 here
[jane] yup, no sign of santa yet
(1:44) [freak] to the great climax in the sky ?
(1:44) [freak] what time is it in mexico
[jane] hahaha, yes, to that one
[jane] i don't know
[jane] i don't live in mexico
[jane] the same time as here i guess?
[jane] i doubt we're in different time zones
[jane] mexico and tx, i mean
(1:45) [freak] right
[jane] are you a fan of mexico?
(1:45) [freak] i need vitamin c
(1:45) [freak] great big fan
[jane] hahaha
(1:46) [freak] i love ghosts and mexico
* jane hands freak an orange
[jane] how about mexican ghosts?
(1:46) [freak] hope its organic
[jane] freak is a liberal :D
(1:46) [freak] mexican ghosts will take you straight to the clusterfuck
[jane] very cool
[jane] the cluster? what's that?
(1:46) [freak] beatnik
(1:47) [freak] fucksack warrior
(1:47) [freak] dharma bum
[jane] dharma. like dharma and greg? i love that show
[jane] even though i never get to watch it
(1:47) [freak] dont taunt me
[jane] what?!
[jane] how was i taunting?
(1:48) [freak] your a two timing woman and i am a saw mill man
[jane] um, okay.
* jane doesn't understand at all
(1:48) [freak] sorry... was just the song lyrics i was listening to
(1:48) [freak] felt approiate
[jane] ah, ok
[jane] i was thinking 'boy he must have had some breakup''
(1:49) [freak] yea 4 yrs ago
[jane] when you were 15?
[jane] dang
[jane] or are you lying about your age
(1:50) [freak] was i too young
[jane] no
(1:50) [freak] i need to go stick my brain in a blender
[jane] it's just fairly young (from this point of view, anyway) to be having a hard breakup
(1:50) [freak] it might make mroe sense
[jane] you need to stop taking acid is what you need to do
(1:51) [freak] girl plz.. i was getting my body licked daily
[jane] by this girl?
(1:51) [freak] i wish
(1:51) [freak] your too independent
[jane] thank you
[jane] it's what i thrive on
[jane] not needing people
[jane] it's unfortunate in some ways
(1:52) [freak] its what keeps you alive
[jane] no
(1:52) [freak] i need no body but women
(1:52) [freak] its my weakness
[jane] it's not a weaknes, i think it's natural
[jane] i want a great guy
(1:52) [freak] yea its natural
(1:52) [freak] im the greatest guy i can imagine
(1:53) [freak] which makes me feel like im fucked
[jane] does it? how?
(1:53) [freak] girls never find great guys
(1:53) [freak] i cant be found anyway
[jane] why? are you so far deep in the mtns?
(1:53) [freak] nope
(1:53) [freak] not like that
[jane] are you so busy trying to like guys then?
[jane] i mean, do the people around you think you're gay?
[jane] because if they do of course you're not going to be 'found', as you say
(1:54) [freak] no im not trying to be gay
[jane] no?
(1:54) [freak] ive never met a guy im attracted to
[jane] ok nevermind. that's just the impression i got then
[jane] oh, so you were only attracted to straight guys
[jane] hehehe
[jane] that sucks, ever unrequited love
(1:55) [freak] your wet n wild
[jane] that's a nail polish brand, not me
[jane] but interesting observation
(1:55) [freak] ahh
[jane] well, it is a nail polish brand
[jane] that's true
[jane] but i guess as a guy you wouldn't know that firsthand
(1:56) [freak] i know
(1:56) [freak] my grandma has that
(1:56) [freak] i know most things
[jane] really? cool
[jane] you know most things.
[jane] ok
[jane] that's conceited
(1:57) [freak] like you dont know most things
[jane] no, i don't know most things
[jane] and i don't think you do, either
(1:57) [freak] oh well
[jane] we're 19 for goodness sake
[jane] how much time have we had to take in the world?
[jane] not too much
[jane] but that's depressing
(1:58) [freak] dont think about it
[jane] i do believe in the intelligence of young people
Could not send: test

(sent while offline) [freak] kids today are atleast 6x smarter than those before my generation
(sent while offline) [freak] i grew up sucking on eggs and spitting in my sisters panty drawer
(sent while offline) [freak] ....... my bones are howling
(sent while offline) [freak] sometimes i get lonely, i this big wide world in front of my eyes soothes my lustful life
(sent while offline) [freak] what you know in the end will be only enough to push you off the ledge
(sent while offline) [freak] this isnt so much fun anymore
(sent while offline) [freak] that being , the computer screen, but it brings my limbs great pain
(sent while offline) [freak] then puberty hit, and i was all the sudden trying on womens undies
(sent while offline) [freak] aw, you left me.... there goes the true blue huckleberry finn, the best friend old jim ever did have
(sent while offline) [freak] and staring at my curves in the mirror

- 2005-12-25


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