backyard crowing


haley and america

so here i am, outside my mother's house, listening to america's "ventura highway", the wind caressing my skin, these lettered keys against my fingers.

america was the first band my mom saw live in concert, and dan fogelberg was mine. i never can remember dan fogelberg's name though, so when people ask, i have no idea.

it's 6:25 pm, and the trees sway slightly, many never lost their leaves. this is houston, humid, home. a home on earth, anyway. wow i'm bored, and i'm sure whoever is reading this is just as bored.
to those people, if they even exist: i apologize.

looking at all of these kids playing in the street, i feel somewhat old, but certainly not despairing.
perhaps i should feel worse, it was only friday that mom enlightened me on my dead dog, the springer spaniel; haley. she had cancer. well, the vet said that there was a 95% chance that she had cancer, so that's what we believe. she (my mother, that is) had to put her to sleep a month ago, and i only heard about it two days ago. the week it all went down was a week that i had three tests, plus the play eating my time. so it was a good decision not to tell me until now, and another good decision to put her to sleep. she was in pain, my mother says. i hope she doesn't feel guilty. i know she wouldn't just kill off our dog if she didn't think it absolutely necessary. it's strange, today was the first day i took sunshine outside to do her business with haley gone, and i admit i shed a tear. that didn't last long though, and mom didn't see me thank goodness. not that it's wrong or shameful to cry around my mother--it's certainly not! i just don't enjoy letting my guard down in front of people all the time, even if it is she who bore me.

i told robson. it hadn't hit me at that point yet though...his dog died too while he was here, only it was a two-year-old dog, not a whopping 13 like haley. his golden retriever ate something (robson never specified what) that caused holes to form in its stomach.

haley was cremated. apparently dogs receive a shot and then drift off to sleep. that's all. goodnight. see you in heaven, since that's where all dogs go.

when mom picked me up at the bus station, she brought sunshine.
she's a good mom to have.

i remember singing to haley as a girl, and then getting caught and being embarassed. i found myself singing to sunshine when i took her outside today, that's what brought on the tears. i never really sung to sunshine; not in such a personal manner the way i did with haley. i guess by the time we had sunshine i had grown up too much.

"You are my Sunshine, my only Sunshine."


"Chewing on a piece of grass
Walking down the road
Tell me, how long you gonna stay here, joe?
Some people say this town don't look good in snow
You don't care, I know
Ventura Highway in the sunshine
Where the days are longer
The nights are stronger than moonshine
You're gonna go I know
'cause the free wind is blowin' through your hair
And the days surround your daylight there
Seasons crying no despair
Alligator lizards in the air, in the air"
-America's "Ventura Highway"


i love in this instance how "ventura highway" can easily be misinterpreted as "venture a highway".

the crickets chirping tonight could be my alligator lizards, and mosquito eaters are certainly in the air.


"Sorry boy, but I've been hit by purple rain
Aw, come on, joe, you can always
Change your name"
-more of the same

purple rain must signify some sort of tragedy, and joe can always change his name to avoid remembering that tragedy.


now that it's seven, my screen has begun to glow. hello, moon.

7:00 pm - Sunday, Mar. 12, 2006


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