backyard crowing



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decisions, decisions

i have had a change of heart.

before when i started this journal, i insisted to myself that i would only write one entry per day, and that if i had a sudden change of thought processes while writing (or if i wrote early in the morning and then again late at night on the same day), that i would simply leave a line separating my ideas, like this: "------------------". now i have concluded that perhaps this is not the best idea, and that each thought might deserve its own entry, even if two or three entries on one day are the result. the tiny part of me that is OCD is screaming, "nooooooo! DON'T DO IT!!!!", but i believe the artsy fartsy right side of my brain will overcome this time. i'll see how this switch goes over, and if i think it's best for me, or the reader.

i'm hesitant to make this transition, after writing in one way for such a long time.

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so robson is now "In A Relationship" with a st. edwards girl as of april 27th. i noticed this two days ago but hadn't updated my journal with that piece of news.

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i need to give mom a call, i haven't spoken with her in a while and she instant messenged me today. i've taken care of several logistics since i talked to her last on monday.

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okay, question:

why do people draw fruit? seriously, what is the point? it's fruit. it grows on trees and then you pick it and put it on the table. i mean come on, a centerpiece? i don't get it.

oh, well. i'm not an artist, so my opinion doesn't matter.

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i'm excited to be going home soon, but more excited to be free of studying soon. after the test on friday, i'm free flying. leila and i are getting on each other's last nerve. i think she resents me because i don't study as much as she does, and i don't care as much.

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I just went to ratemyteacher.com and saw a whole bunch of reviews of my old teachers. I saw some of my own reviews too, ones that I wrote ages ago and had forgotten about. I keep thinking about those teachers, all of their quirks and personalities. I just keep thinking about how different life was for me then. It was a world ago, I feel that in two years I have grown miles, and the life that I once led is completely and utterly gone to me now. I never see my high school friends anymore, I don't see the teachers…..everyone's gone. And I'm happy about it. But looking so closely at every last teacher I had just brings back the memories. Memories I never dig out of my brain, they are what I got when I looked at that website, and everyone's comments. I do miss my senior year English class, with mr. greening, and science with dibenedetto, and miller for theater. It’s so odd thinking that after all this time, after two whole years, most of them are still at that school, and I am here, way away away from there. C'est difficile a croire. I have grown up so much. And now I do believe I have stories. You know, the kind you get from going to high school. I have tales, legends, mishaps. All in four years. Goodness knows I'm glad to be out of there, but it's interesting to reminisce.

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i once knew this guy (colin) who always said, "i just want a girl i can listen to music with." if there's anything in this world i can relate to, it's that statement. i understand that much, i can comprehend that kind of simplicity. it's really all i want, too.

and now he has found her, according to myspace.

i really think i will find that guy. i have to depend on the hope that i will. and that is not to say that i cannot be happy without a guy, i most certainly can. but someday...someday i think it will happen for me. and by 'it', i mean that overwhelming, true, romantic love. like in the movies, but tougher and more poignant, because of course it's real.

there's something truly wonderful about being in someone's presence and experiencing the world around you, or listening to some music. the most beautiful conversations don't have words anyhow.

God is so good to me.

peace and love,
janeane

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once in junior high i remember walking down the hall with my good friend leslie. we just walked down the hall, just soaked up the togetherness without speaking. i liked junior high.

- Thursday, May. 04, 2006
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