backyard crowing




I love that moment in the movie Almost Famous where William is waving goodbye to Penny as her plane takes off. He follows her by running from one window to the next, and when she can't see him anymore, she has this epiphany. She gets it, she recognizes how much William loves her--or maybe she even recollects a distorted memory of his qualuude kiss.

I love that part. What am I saying? I love this whole movie, beginning to end.

"I know you were expecting puberty, but you're just gonna have to shine it on a little while longer." - william's sister

"THIS IS A HOUSE OF LIES!" - also william's sister, played by zooey deschanel, an actress who is teh awesome.


i'd really rather the phone boy at hcc not acknowledge my forthcomings so openly, but i think that maybe (just maybe) he'll be able to help me, if he can talk his co-workers into giving me a chance. i'm very hopeful about the whole situation.

i want to do better.

well, and i want to get out of here. this city, this state, this country. i hate being so stressed out, and i feel like that's all i can ever be when mom is in the picture.

it's not horrible though, we're making short strides...i think. we're beginning to tolerate each other.

why is it that my parents are always pulling me one way or another? all the time since the beginning of the summer my mom has been on my back about getting a job. my dad, on the other hand, has done nothing but pester me about getting registered for these classes. they're insane. did they plan it this way? one parent per view? one per thing i have to take care of? i guess they think i enjoy being confused. they and their opinions, who really cares?

i'm just afraid that at the end of all this i'm going to have two people yelling at me.

and i remember having this conversation my freshman year, during lunch in the cafeteria:

Ruthie: Yeah, my parents are cool. I hope I grow up to be like them.

Everyone: Yeah, my parents are cool. I want to be like them.

Me: (frowning fairly obviously) Really? You guys want to be like your parents?

Ruthie: Yeah, don't you?

Me: No, not really...

Everyone: Aww.

i'm really sick of the word 'aww'. it's annoying everytime i hear it, and i hate it when i feel like i have to say it just to be polite. because that's not who i am--an 'awww' kind of person--that word always gets to me. it's like if someone's crying and a consoler says 'there, there'. what has that idiot expression ever done for a person?


and i'm back to hating my mother again. the hatred fluctuates, but i'm pretty sure it'll always be there no matter what. or at least until i've moved far, far away and become untouchable.

besides that, i chatted with robson today:


rob: hey
me: hey
rob: how goes?
rob: this is Robson btw
me: who is this?
me: oh! hey
rob: how goes?
me: how is your summer?
me: it's going okay
rob: good lol, got a new computer
me: my mom though augh
me: awesome! that must be a godsend
rob: awww lol
me: are you working
rob: yep lol
rob: sorry, was working on new computer
me: its cool
rob: you?
me: not yet, hopefully i'll get employed, asap
rob: fun
me: yup
rob: where are you hoping to work?
me: amc theater/sonic/kroger all have potential
me: and i've interviewed at those three places
rob: lol, I am working at Kroger
me: really? ha
rob: it's not too bad
me: are you a cashier or bagger?
rob: cashier, tahnkfully
rob: *thank
me: is being a bagger bad? that's what i interviewed for
me: hey, this is your first job, right?
me: kudos
rob: oh, I'd rather be a cashier, it seems more lazy, and yes it is
me: you're totally upfront about it--yes, yes it is bad
me: ha
rob: how much would you be getting paid as a bagger?
me: i think 5.75? or 5.25? i cant remember what the lady said
rob: ah, see I get a nice $6
me: but i thought minimum wage was 5.50
me: ahh, but you dont get tips
rob: no idea
rob: lol
me: then again i'm not sure that they're allowed to accept tips
rob: I think you are
rob: I just don't think they come that often, most people take their own carts out
me: yeah
me: i know my mother never does
rob: lol
rob: my mother always does... or makes me or my brother do it
me: cool
me: or maybe not so much
rob: lol
rob: so, what else has been up?
me: well, i've been trying to find a place to take math during the summer, nothing yet. went to my grandparents house today (it's in houston, an hour away) and i'm borrowing one of my granddad's cameras for a photojournalism class i'm taking next year
me: i've also been very longwinded
me: and you?
rob: well, my mom got two puppies, so between them and work, I havent done much, I've hung out with my friends here occasionally but thats about it
me: oh cool what kind of puppies
rob: cocker spaniels
me: cute! haley was a springer spaniel
rob: cool
me: so i bet they're a handful
rob: yes
me: so why the s/n darksword?
rob: haha don't remember anynmore, it's so old
me: at least it's not like, DarkTambourine
rob: haha
me: that would be really unthreatening
me: i miss seeing leila everyday
rob: awww lol, I miss ramon too
me: i saw his white sands album on facebook, that looks cool
rob: yeah
me: i like the new facebook status feature, it's telling
rob: lol indeed
me: ha, i just saw sombody's: zaid is updating his status.
me: aren't we all?!
rob: haha
me: and another: Stephanie is going to punch you.
rob: nice
rob signed off at 11:52:24 PM.


then he got offline and then on a little while later...


rob: yay new computer
me: yay new computer indeed
rob: now I am actually on it
me: haha, ORLY owl, that's great
rob: haha I've had this icon for ages now
me: ooooh, what brand?
rob: what brand computer?
me: uh huh
rob: home made lol
rob: bought the parts
me: orly?
me: you made it yyourself?
rob: yep
me: very cool
me: how rewarding
me: ok, that was cheesy
rob: and cheaper lol
me: is it really that much cheaper?
rob: well, somewhat, and it's easier to upgrade
me: and surely you've now gained some computer know-how that you weren't familiar with before
me: cool
rob: alright, off I go for the night, good night!
me: good night!
rob signed off at 1:20:28 AM.


so robson is an 'aww' person, too.

- Wednesday, Jun. 7, 2006


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