backyard crowing



when i ask my dad about how life was "back in the day," about how he dealt without modern day conveniences like PCs, cell phones, and blahs, he always says, "we had to make do, it's all we had." but then--then!--a few brave innovators put their heads together to make these tools, to not only dream about them but SET THEM IN MOTION. they escaped. they reached out and opened up a can of whoop ass, and their world, our world, changed forever. we are our own hurdles. what's not to have? young people achieve the impossible all the time simply because they don't know what they're trying is impossible, or they refuse to believe in its impossibility.

so why can't i seem to do that? why don't i just move out of my mother's house and abandon her like i need to? why is money so important? who does she think she is to say, "it's you and me, kid?" what the fuck. she wants me to believe more than anything that she is my only way through college, that she is the only one i can depend on, that she is my God. she needs to just let go. i am not anything like her, nor do i ever want to be.

if i left her, what would i do? i would get college loans, i would have to work and do school at the same time, i would choke through and maybe even take a semester off to work. so why don't i do that?

2:38 a.m. - Thursday, Jul. 20, 2006


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