backyard crowing



i now realize that the name 'david' has for me a stigma. anytime i see the name, i smile.

what is wrong with me?


i bought the dvd of the indie movie Thumbsucker, and every night i offer to show it to my mother.

she doesn't want to see it, the film doesn't interest her. she's always too tired to watch it.

too tired to watch a movie? that doesn't happen to me...

i never told her keanu reeves is in the movie, that fact might change her mind. she saw The

Lakehouse with her friends a few days ago. she asked me my opinion of keanu vs. johnny depp. for

me, it's depp, no contest. he's holds more mystery in his eyes. plus, he's a pirate, and i just

dig those.


speaking of pirates, where is mine? my summer nonexistent. work takes up all my time,

but fortunately i have today off. i am exhausted, i've worked 12 or 13 days in a row now.

i have 35 days until freedom. mom is driving me back to school on august 26, the day after my last day making sandwiches. jessica is in austin at orientation right now, hopefully she's enjoying herself. her parents couldn't come, but she's going with a friend.


we have a new employee, her name is monica. she just moved from california, where they got more bounce, and she's about to be a senior in high school. she thinks she'll be at westfield, but she's not sure where yet. i hope she's can't be easy to move just one year away from graduation.

at first i thought maybe she had some anger management problems, but anyone in her situation would be slightly off kilter. her job in cali paid 10 bucks an hour, and it was an office job.


oh, and clerks II comes out tommorow!

and i have a credit card finally!


Dear David,

How are you? Are you really so dear to me? I don't even know you, not really. So why do I write about you, and to you?

I need to step out of my shell. I can't be a hermit crab the rest of my life. Hermit crabs are actually very social creatures, despite people's misconception.

I have a feeling I am higher than all this, I have hope.

Bye, David!


i wrote this in my job notebook in mid june:

I'm so tired. I just want
to fall asleep silently
in his warm arms.
He is downtown.
He is painting houses.
He is in a relationship (edit on 6/12/06--he is no longer in a relationship)
He does not think of me.
He is smiling at the world,
Like he does everyone.
He is happy,
Sweating up a storm.
He is having the summer after his
Freshman year of college.
It was a banner year for him.
I don't want to let go.
david. i must be masochistic.

I hate this city because she is in it...
I can bear this city because he is in it...

here i sit,
dwelling on a bunch of nothing.
nothing, that's what we had.
if nothing was required to be something,
that something would be acquaintanceship.
i miss not you, but the prospect of you
i miss the knowledge that your door is
mere feet away from mine.
i miss laying in the hallway, just hoping
you might walk by.
i miss your face peeping through the study room door
I miss my eyes lighting up when people
Casually mention you; no one here knows
About you but me
I miss riding the elevator with you
I miss your zany jokes
I miss your curiosity
I miss your knowledge
I miss your experiments,
Caring, openness, freedom, smile
Surely I am a fool for all this...

What if I were to just call him up, right now, in the middle of everything and nothing?

What would he say?

Would he be surprised?

Would he think I liked him?

Would he be scared of me?

Would I feel better after having called him?

Would I ask him out?

Would I ask him to hange out platonically?

Would he say yes?

Would he be nervous?

If so, in a good or in a bad way?

Am I not the pursuer kind of girl?

Does it matter?

Does he matter?

perhaps i shall simply drive to his house when i think he will be at home, and ask blatantly and straightforwardly. you can't shrug off the direct approach. maybe getting in his face is the way to do it.

I feel like I have nothing left to give.

Remember, the interviewer is your enemy. (Almost always).

David's job this summer is to interview people, among other things.

"It's not what you say, it's what you don't."
-on his facebook profile


"I'm hard to remember, yet impossible to forget."


i am eating white chocolate chips (ghirardelli) that my mother will yell at me for eating. they don't even taste that good, white chocolate is nothing alongside dark.

i'm listening to spoon's album "gimme fiction."


a few weeks ago as i was sitting in the closest starbucks to david's home, i started writing, and this is what came out:

here i am again, nothing and everything. i want to tell you about these kids that swim around my head sometimes, to dwell on them for what i hope will be your benefit...

SETTING: Summer 2006. Houston.

Samuel H. Murphy Jr.
Samuel is a bit of a rebel. He has flaming red hair, just like the rest of his siblings, but his somehow shines the brightest. He is the brains and most of the brawn behind the kids' escape, and his life's path forever changes (as do theirs) after his parents' death. he goes by 'sam,' unlike his dad, and he looks older than his age, 17, the brink of adulthood. unfortunately because of his typical childish antics, his elders do not treat him as such. at the story's finale, he has become someone he never knew he could be: himself, and a truly grown-up/responsible/resilient/strong/remarkable version of it/him/himself.

-same 'becomes a man'
-he's a bit punk/goth
-he's streetsmart

Bono Murphy
Bono is a lively 18-month sack of cheerfulness most hours. His real name is Terrence, so the pseudonym Terrence the Terrible befits his off days. U2 is by far his favorite band, much to Sam's indie chagrin, and is the source of his namesake. This kid can DANCE, and sometimes/occasionally serves as a laugh to the others when challenge presents itself. Yet Bono is also a small child, and fuels the kids' frustration repeatedly throughout the story, demanding to have his cake and eat it, too. Then again, what good is cake if you cannot indulge in it?

Jess and Avery Murphy
are twin sisters, and though their faces match, their personalities deflect each other enough that both deserve their own explanations. Despite their differences, they tend to stick together in social situations, lending to a "double vision" effect on the (world/people/lives/everyone) they encounter. Both turned 16 recently and take great pride in fetching forgotten groceries upon their mother's request.

After this journey, they have honed their driving skills enough that short trips to the market no longer excite them.

Jess is the tomboy of the two, and will not let herself become her girlish sister by any means. In school she busies herself with basketball and wrestling, opposing any femininity her mother tries to inject into her system. Jess is all about survival (when the trip begins/during the trip), much like her brother Sam. She has more of a backbone for pain than he imagines, and encourages Avery to be strong for the family. Jess loves classic rock and weightlifting, and her parents say that Bono will take after her. She sits in the passenger's seat looking out the window for as long as her siblings will allow, and insists on regular stops for stretching. She has a high metabolism, a fidgeting habit, and a thick skin.

-she puts on a facade
-she puts on facades of strength--biting her lip and tearing up

Avery Murphy
Avery is a loud spoken ballerina, and enjoys all the latest pop music. She follows the rules before her, and annoys Jess to a fever pitch. Avery has her delicate toes planted firmly in her mother's theatric footprints and experience in promoting/stimulating children's clothing sales with her sparkling personality. Her twin would rather die than pose for any commercial, yet she still comes along to support her sister's endeavors, resulting in a slew of boyfriends who believe they are dating a model. ;) Avery can fall as down as easily as she can rise up; she is by far the drama queen of the bunch, and acts with a sensitive soul. She too takes solace in gazing out the van's windows, and is the only sibling to oppose the move from the start. As problems arise, she bears/uses/displays/has her "I-told-you-so" approach. Adjusting to her role/position out of the limelight proves trying. Upon arrival in Canada she falls in love with the mountains and wonders why she never wanted to visit them before.

*The twins have fairer hair than the others--a little less red, a little more blonde.

Becca, age 13, 7th grade
-has already found a love for blonde surfer boys
-admires avery, yet also competes w/her
-is a sister to Bono, enjoys caring for him (but not ALWAYS, of course...)
-rolls her eyes
-cellphone addiction
-begged her mother to let her dye her hair blonde, mom wouldn't allow it b/c she knew it would result in pink hair. Sam wants everyone but Bono to change their haircolor for disguise purposes, and the eldest three allow her to turn into a marshmallow head (cotton candy head?) like Frenchie in Grease. Much comedy ensues from that little episode. How can she snag a cute California boy with Easter egg locks?
*Also - Avery helps everyone do their hair, except Jess who refuses her assistance
-uses the word 'like' too often
-Valley Girl (Jess plays 'Valley Girl'?)
-likes the mall
-tired b/c she can't sleep for fear of nightmares
-cries often
-chews the sticky gum anyways (despite her braces)
-hates to sweat
-jabbers incessantly about BS
-quiets down considerably after her parents die
-a heart of gold beneath her caked foundation

Scott - age 11, 5th grade
-glasses, stuffy nose
-into geography, he learns/helps with navigation to Canada when no one else wants to
-a bit of a nerd
-somewhat suicidal, ya gotta watch him
-admires his eldest brother
-annoyed immensely by ditz/airhead Becca, but will defend her
-nonplussed by fads
-classical music
-also enjoys caring for Bono

So here are the characters:

1. Sam - 17 - Male - 12th Grade
2. Jess - 16 - Female - 11th Grade - (few minutes younger than her twin, Avery)
3. Avery - 16 - Female - 11th Grade - (few minutes older than her twin, Jess)
4. Becca - 13 - Female - 7th grade
5. Scott - 11 - Male - 5th Grade
6. Bono - 18 months - Male - Not yet in school - he was an accident, his parents didn't mean to have him


1:47 am - Friday, Jul. 21, 2006


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