backyard crowing



i wrote this to a guy on consumating who had just split up with his girlfriend:

Hey Calvin,

I'm sorry to hear about the girl, a year is a long time to date someone. Is she in Australia? and...didn't your profile read 'single' just yesterday? Hm.

your cliche but honest question is hard to answer for even a female. the solution does, I believe, depend on the girl. woman, really, since that's what we like to be called. and you can't give a girl everything; you can't give anyone everything.

some women want someone they can dub 'boyfriend', just a word to tack onto their sentences. "I went to the club" becomes "I went to the club with my boyfriend," and so on and so forth. they're not looking for anything serious, but if a guy really impresses them, they might someday grow to like their man dolls.

then other girls are dead set on tying the knot. they have the best of intentions, yet they can't help but spend time obsessing about everything they do, and whether or not their boyfriend would make a good father. they just want to have a family, which is great for them, but when things go wrong with their guy, they tend to 'lose it', since they want so badly to marry. my old roommate was one of these.

then there are teases and dare i say sluts. they enjoy a man's attention; they enjoy anyone's attention. but perhaps we're all teases and sluts in some way. hey, the whole world wants to have sex and be loved! some people just express this want in more destructive ways than others.

and then there are girls that have issues with their families, or that have been raped, or that are somehow messed up inside. but really, it is the same with men. i am of the opinon that everybody's family screws them up in some way. so, women want someone who will understand their hang ups and love them anyway. that is not to say that they or their flaws will change; they certainly might not. and don't expect to change a woman--if they change permanently, it will be because they want them to change, not you.

and one more thing about understanding: i don't think you can ever truly understand another person, or another person's loneliness. love is trying one's utmost to understand another person, even though it's impossible. i think God can understand us, but we can't understand each other--not entirely, anyway.

women want someone who will hear them out when they've had a crappy day, but at the same time someone who will call them on their shit if they do nothing but complain.

but women come in just as many varieties as men do! some want babies, some don't. some want marriage, some don't. some want another woman, some don't. but we all want our lives, and freedom, and love, however we define it.

to change the topic drastically, congrats on the new job. where do you work? (you by no means have to answer that). That you could consider biking to work is cool.

good night, and good luck.

"Everybody plays the fool sometimes. There's no exception to the rule, listen, baby: it may be factual, may be cruel. Everybody plays the fool. Falling in love is such an easy thing to do." - Marvin Gaye


annnnd, a chat with marcus:

me: hey
marcus: Hey you!
me: what's up?
marcus: What's shakin?
me: hmmm...
me: what is up AND shaking?
marcus: Not much, you?
me: i'm trying to think of something, an object
me: not much
me: in a month i'll be back in atx! woo!
marcus: Yay!
marcus: Then we can make out and do the nasty!
me: haha
me: how is carino's treating you?
marcus: Not bad
me: ly. not badLY, you mean. :-)
me: sorry, the grammar policewoman cannot hide sometimes
me: so, not badly, but not well, either?
me: ouch, there goes the analyst
marcus: There was a little episode where I was accused of sexual harrasment, BUT thanks to another person who was accused at the same time and his grudge, I came out on top and he got fired
me: wow
me: do tell
me: what did you say?
marcus: No, I didn't say anything
marcus: I'm kinda touchy feely right
me: now?
marcus: Oh not right now
marcus: I've no motivation
marcus: But!
me: so you didn't say anything to deserve the charge of sexual harassment?
marcus: No, I did a lot of arm pinching and such and like I told the management, that was more annoying than anything
marcus: The other dude was the REAL sexual harrasment
marcus: Telling a female staffmember that "I fucked your boyfriend in the ass last night, and..." Something about her mom followed that, but its not improtan
me: oh good grief...
me: yeah that is bad
me: i'm sorry i'm not very responsive right now, i'm chatting with a friend i haven't seen in ages
marcus: Its only been weeks dear, not ages
me: ;-)
me: i thought you might say sthg like that!
me: I’ve known this girl since elementary school
me: (that obviously makes her MUCH more important than you)
me: jk, of COURSE!
marcus: Yes, I know
marcus: I have a penis, that's why
me: *sigh*
me: haha
marcus: Yes, I know I have a magical psycic penis
me: psychic penis? whoah... o_0
marcus: I know!
me: now THAT'S entertainment.
me: wait, what? i have no idea what we're talking about.
me: perhaps it should stay that way
marcus: No, what's entertaining is what happens while checking out the psychic penis
marcus: Things become very entertaining
me: so with a psychic penis, can you tell when a woman is horny?
me: hmmm...
marcus: Yep
marcus: The hard nipples, wet area between the thighs, yeah, it can pretty much tell when she's in the mood
me: ah!
me: i'm back
me: so then, what's the verdict?
me: am i horny?
marcus: Where do you go? You're not on for days and then you show up?
me: (i got kicked off)
marcus: I have to be closer
me: ah, okay then...
marcus: And then you may have to be naked
me: okay...
marcus: And willing
me: so then I just have to tell you i'm horny for now
marcus: I'd have to say willingness is the number one turn on
marcus: Oh you are?
me: i was last night, my gosh. now, somewhat, sure
me: hm, are you?
marcus: Not really
marcus: I'm in the same room as my roomate and his girlfriend
me: ouch, well that can kill it
marcus: Why were you horny?
me: i don't know, but i couldn't sleep
marcus: If I may so boldly ask
me: it was really weird
me: what a strange night
me: i ate some chocolate chips before i went to bed though.
me: maybe that's part of it
marcus: *blink*
marcus: ¿que?
me: well, eating chocolate releases endorphins
me: and so does masturbating
me: haha
marcus: Hot!
me: it was weird, i wasn't really dreaming or awake
me: hot chocolate
marcus: What size are you again? Cup size I mean?
me: just a sec
marcus: lol you don't know?
me: yay! i'm a C!
me: i wasn't sure if i was a b or c, i don't remember these things
me: yeah, i know it's something most people know off of the top of their head
marcus: I should take a moment to examine them
me: i try not to go bra shopping too often, it's such a pain
marcus: I'm a professional
me: would you?
me: oh, why thank you
me: make SURE they're C's
me: professional what, may i ask?
marcus: Do you not where bras, or do you just wear them till it almost kills you?
me: i wear a bra usually every day
me: well, if i'm in public i'm in a bra for sure
me: unless i wore the dress i wore today
me: what do you mean 'until it almost kills me'?
me: they're not straightjackets
me: mine are nice and comfy
marcus: Stabbs you in the heart with the underwire
me: hahaaaaaa!
me: death by bra!
me: yes yes, we've discussed this
marcus: I'm sure your breasts are comfy
me: i'm getting deja vu
me: they are ;-)
marcus: *purrrr*
me: awww
me: i'm not wearing a shirt right now
marcus: You're such a tease...
me: well, i'm not
me: i'm not lying, you know
me: am i really a tease? this is an honest question
marcus: I know! That's why you're a tease
me: i'm a few hundred miles away, it's all i can do, lol
marcus: Quite, because also you're smart
marcus: And smart girls are also a turn on
me: thank you
marcus: So your smart, and for the most part willing
marcus: As far as what else you can do, you could take a picture
me: i've thought about that, believe it or not
marcus: You should
me: should i?
me: or would it circulate the internet?
marcus: Yes
me: ah
marcus: I promise upon my testicles, it won't go past my phone
marcus: And eveywhere it goes
me: upon your testicles, eh?
me: 'everywhere it goes'? a phone can go a lot of places, dearie
marcus: Yes, but usually my bed, the tv room and the console of my car
me: the key word being 'usually'
marcus: Yes, I may go to a movie or out to eat
marcus: But nothing too major
marcus: Then there's Metro, but you were there
me: the fact that your phone would suddenly hold a risquee picture of me in it might make it more prone to the public though
me: i could be in metro in all sorts of senses
marcus: But like I said
marcus: Upon my nads
me: so in other words if anyone saw this very hypothetical picture, i could remove your balls?
me: nice
me: that's quite a promise
marcus: Absolutely
me: yay i got rid of my old friend
me: we're going to get together later this week
me: that was mean
marcus: And bone?
me: Yes
marcus: Oh, I thought you said "old boyfriend"
me: she, i, and our other friend are going to have an orgy
me: haha, no
me: did you really think i said old bf?
me: although my old bf is currently away
me: so is my old roomie
marcus: Ahuh
me: so yeah
me: how did i turn this convo into something boring?
me: i have no clue
marcus: Ok, here let me get us back on track
me: oh dear :D
marcus: I really like tits
me: Me too!
me: breasts are great
marcus: Really? What do you like about them?
me: they should be celebrated
marcus: Breast Day!
me: well, they're sort of perky and feminine and softer than soft
marcus: You should read "The Alphabet of Manliness" by Maddox
me: yes, by golly, the world should get a day off for Breast Day
me: the banks will close
me: never heard of it
me: is it on the internet
marcus: No, but his site is
me: (the alphabet, i mean)
me: and they shiver if a breeze blows past
me: who wouldn't like breasts?
me: i mean, i'm not a lesbian, and i like breasts
marcus: You have a sence of humor so it shouldn't be too remarkably offended
me: oh hey, i have read some of his stuff
marcus: Hard nipples are great too
me: do you ever wish you were still a virgin
me: if i may be so bold
marcus: Not nessicarily a virgin, but I wish it wasn't the girl it was with
me: oh
marcus: Do you ever wish you weren't?
me: are you 20 or 19? i can't remember
marcus: 19
marcus: You are 20
marcus: With no tatoos
marcus: You have failed
marcus: Mwuahaha
me: it's not that I wish I wasn't, but sometimes I wish I wasn't hell bent on saving myself for marriage
me: haha! you have an excellent memory, monsieur
me: I fail at life! jk
marcus: Yes
me: you know what's scary? i was about to type mwahahaha but then you took it
me: it's that psychic penis, i'm tellin' ya
marcus: Yes
me: i don't know if i spelled psychic correctly
me: but that's okay
me: life goes on
marcus: Yes
marcus: I don't think either of us have all night
me: all night to what? chat?
me: or did you mean 'i don't think either of us have it all right."
me: *has*
me: oops
me: brrr it's cold in this house
marcus: No, I meant either of us has spelled the word right?
me: i'm getting goosebumps
me: okay, i gotcha
marcus: Goosebumps and?
marcus: 2 big goosebumps?
me: yes, as a matter of fact
me: and several more tiny ones across my chest
marcus: You know, I'd really REALLY like to suck them
me: i'd really like to have you here, sucking them
me: last night was insane, i tossed and turned until six am
marcus: I'm usually awake then
marcus: Still
me: still what?
marcus: Still awake
me: i have fantasies of leaving my bra at a guy's house on purpose
me: i know that was random, but anyways
marcus: Feel free to leave it here
me: do undergarments turn you on?
me: like bras, panties, etc
me: hehe
marcus: Oh sure
me: okay
marcus: And I show up saying " you forgot this..."
me: haha!
me: oops...
me: i've been missing that
me: it's my only one
me: :-*
marcus: Heeheehe
me: what do YOU like about boobs? hehe
me: everything
marcus: We should go to the porn store and buy you a dildo
me: haha
me: if i ever bought a dildo, i'd do it alone
me: what have i told you about me and dildos, anyway?
marcus: Aw
me: aw?
marcus: Nothing actually
me: oh, well that's good i suppose
marcus: Is there somthing about you and dildos I should know?
me: no
me: haha
me: i have considered purchasing one, but i would be completely mortified if it was ever found
marcus: Then why did you say "what did I tell you about me and dildos?"
me: because it's a very personal thing to admit to even having considered buying one
me: and i've said some personal stuff to you
me: but i didn't know if we had had a Dildo Discussion.
me: i couldn't remember
me: hehe
marcus: You must be very comfortable with me, I'm flattered
me: now it's my turn to say aw
me: awww
me: thanks
marcus: Thank you
me: is it hot in austin?
me: i'm asking this genuinely
marcus: Yes, very
me: ick
me: but still, i can't wait to be back
me: my mother and i have had some major tiffs
marcus: Yeah!
me: this summer
marcus: I can't wait for you to get here!
marcus: Tiffs?
me: really? thanks, that's sweet
marcus: Oh
me: big, bad arguments
marcus: Man I keep misreading your word
me: it's 1:11 am
me: maybe that's part of why
marcus: No, I woke up at 2pm
me: tiffs treats, we've been having lots of tiffs treats :-)
me: have you had their cookies? yumalicious
marcus: Well I read it as, my mother said I've had major tiffs
me: nope, no tiffs except with her
marcus: Woot woot!
me: i don't really have much to argue about with anyone else i know, except my dad
me: and we don't argue much
marcus: You can argue with me
me: ooh, i'm going to my grandparents' 50th wedding anniversary wedding this weekend in missouri
marcus: And we can wrestle
marcus: Naked
me: i'm sure ;-)
me: hahaaaa!
me: naked is the only way to wrestle
marcus: With oils
marcus: Or somthing
me: ah, yes. who could forget the oils?
me: actually, oils are kinda gross, imho
marcus: Yeah...
me: okay, sans oils, w/e
me: hehe
marcus: How about jelly?
me: ky?
me: i don't think you're ready for this jelly
me: my body's too bootylicious for ya, babe
me: beat THAT!
marcus: *whips out the psychic wang*
me: haha
me: have you used jelly?
marcus: Uhm
me: i mean, like ky or other stuff?
marcus: I have some
me: really?
marcus: Astroglide
marcus: And I do have ky heating
marcus: The warming jelly
me: so then you're sexually active right now?
marcus: No I've had it for a while
me: i saw this comic where a chick (a cartoon chick) uses astroglide on her hair--she thinks it's a hair product
me: but she's the ditz character
me: it's part of her charm
marcus: Enjoy that
marcus: I sure did
me: your link hasn't loaded yet
me: my computer is wireless internet, so soooooo slow
marcus: Hm
me: um
me: that's really not funny
marcus: Oh
marcus: Kay
me: i don't know
me: no offense
marcus: What is funny?
me: to me, that crossed a borderline
marcus: Oh
marcus: I'm sorry
me: it's okay
me: don't worry about it
me: what do you think about andrea yates
marcus: *chomp*
me: chomp?
me: chomp what?
me: you'd like to eat andrea yates...
marcus: I have no opinion really
me: but seriously, what did you mean by chomp?
marcus: That crazy bitch?
me: yes, that crazy bitch
me: who drowned her five children
marcus: Something to change the mood?
marcus: Well
me: yeah, and the proceedings ended the other day
me: so it's recent news
marcus: Although you are quirky, as well as my other concubines, that's about my limit
marcus: She's too crazy
me: okay, i got kicked off again
marcus: *grabs and holds*
me: hehe
marcus: Good, you're not going anywhere
me: your other concubines?
me: so that's what i am to you, a sexual slave?
marcus: No
marcus: Not yet anyway
me: a woman of a lesser class than you?
me: psh
marcus: Of course not
me: well, i didn't know what concubine meant exactly, so i wikipedia'd it
marcus: Hm
marcus: How bout a Harem?
me: how about a swift kick in the ass?
me: :D
marcus: I could be into that
me: hahaaaaaa
marcus: :-*
me: so that's it, you get off from pain
me: oooh, look who has sexy red lipstick on
me: what luscious lips you have, darling
me: the better to kiss you with
me: these lips don't lie
marcus: Don't you love it? It stays on my dick for weeks
me: the pain?
marcus: I actually do have rediculously full lips
marcus: And eye lashes
marcus: No, the lipstick
me: i bet you make all the girls jealous
me: i suppose lipstick on one's dick is a good thing
marcus: I'm the prettiest girl at the ball
ban10hut: but of course
me: prettier even than Jackie Burkhart
me: *gasp*
me: that's a that 70s show reference
marcus: Yes, that bitch is wearing the same dress though
me: ooh, catfight
me: she's going down
me: 8-)
marcus: Hence the lipstick
me: haha!
me: mila kunis is cute
me: wow, there are even jeweled dildos
me: yes, i wikipedia'd dildo
me: i did it a long time ago, but the page has changed somewhat
me: since then
me: there are hello kitty dildos, that's just creepy
marcus signed on at 2:01:40 AM.
marcus: *lick*
me: ooh
marcus: Mwuahaha
me: did you get kicked off?
me: *grabs you tightly*
marcus: No, you did
marcus: Hold on
marcus: And never let go!
me: never let go, Jack! Never let goooooooo!
me: the first ten times i saw that movie in jr. high, i didn't cry. then, years later as a college freshman, i saw it again and cried
marcus: Even though that bitch did let go...
me: oh my gosh, my former roommate would kill you if she heard you say that
me: :-)
marcus: I cried the first time that I saw Bruce Willis die in Armageddon
me: she had to let go, he's a dead guy...
me: really?
marcus: So were the people in the boats
me: i've only seen parts of that movie
marcus: Yep
marcus: Holy shit what!
marcus: I've never seen scarface or any of the godfathers
me: so you think she should have stayed shackled to his carcass for the rest of her life? gross!
me: me neither
marcus: Riggamortis, coupled with the fact his dick was frozen solid
marcus: Maybe
me: apparently armageddon is a really good movie though, otherwise it wouldn't have brought you to tears
me: riggamortis?
marcus: And Bruce Willis kicks ass
me: whatchu talkin' bout, willis?
me: okay, different willis
marcus: Yes
marcus: Quite different
me: is your roomie and his gf still there
marcus: Yes, but I've got nothing important in this room
marcus: You're antsy is suppose?
me: somewhat
me: hehe
marcus: Shirtless, cold, all alone
marcus: What's a girl or a boy to do?
me: *smiles*
marcus: *tit rub*
marcus: Das nice
me: mmm, thanks
me: *licks lips*
marcus: So what ARE you wearing?
me: i'm wearing pajama bottoms and panties
me: but i could be naked
me: would you prefer that?
marcus: I'm trying to picture what situation would leave you shirtless for so long
marcus: And yes I would
me: just a second
me: okay, it's just me and the sheets now
marcus: And its just me and half a hard one
me: and my pussy, clenching
marcus: Mmm, so exciting
me: wish you were here
marcus: And you're enthusiastic, is that an act or are you sincere?
me: the computer motor is warm, but you'd be warmer
me: right now, i'm sincere
marcus: You enjoyed they cyber sex last time didn't you?
me: yes, i did
me: did you?
marcus: Yes ma'am
me: I'm glad!
marcus: And horny!
me: yes, that too :D
me: sometimes i can't believe the things i say and do on here with you
marcus: Mmm, I wish I was there to play with that hot wet pussy of yours
me: considering my complete lack of experience with such things
me: I wish you were too
me: you could show me things
me: make me need
marcus: I can show you all kinds of things
me: what would you do first?
me: i'm naked already
marcus: I'd run my fingers up and down your body lightly
me: just waiting for you
me: shivering
marcus: Tracing my fingers around your nipples
me: they're getting harder right now
marcus: Ooh, harder than they were?
me: yes
me: :D
marcus: How is that?
me: nice
marcus: How big are they? Like wide?
me: they're a little bigger than a quarter, and light pink
me: i think they're fairly wide
marcus: What about the nipple part
marcus: The part that's sticking out the most
marcus: (Nice by the way, I look forward to maybe sucking on them)
me: that part is very small
marcus: Either way
marcus: I tend to suck on the entire breast
me: i like my chest, anyway
me: i'm pleased with how they turned out, haha
marcus: Maybe they'll get bigger
marcus: You're only 20
me: bigger? i don't think i want them any bigger
marcus: And not pregnant yet
me: and 20 is fully grown, lol
me: true, they do get bigger with pregnancy
me: i don't want to get pregnant for a very long while
marcus: Yep yep
marcus: Neither do i
me: haha
marcus: I don't even want to think about marraige untill I can easily take care of myself
marcus: but really by 20 puberty has come and gone
me: at least for me, anyway
me: there are late bloomers, i suppose
marcus: Yep yep
me: yeah, i want to pursue journalism and move the hell out of texas
me: i hate the heat
marcus: Aw
marcus: Away from me
marcus: ?
me: away from my parents
marcus: There is that
me: they're divorced, i've had quite enough of them
marcus: That's why I love austin
me: me too!
me: because my parents don't live there!
me: and austin is awesome for a lot of reasons
me: it's a cool city to be in, especially with the music scene
me: and the capital
me: and the food and shops and weirdos walking down the street
me: there's such diversity
marcus: And me! Possibly wanting do somthing at some time
marcus: Indetermanantly in the future
me: huh?
marcus: Somthing naughty
me: hehe possibly
me: ugh, it's half past two
me: i'm freezing
marcus: I rub my palm flat across your stomache
me: mmm
me: I kiss you deeply
me: my tongue swirls across your teeth
me: *sigh*
marcus: I squeeze your breast lightly, my tounge deep into your mouth
me: I moan softly through the kisses
me: I gently clutch you, rubbing up and down
me: my fingers wet from you
marcus: I softly rub your pussy just around the lips
me: I guide your fingers further into me
me: I lick your neck
marcus: I push my fingers into your pussy
me: I gasp and whimper lightly
me: I'm falling asleep and i have work tommorow
me: i have to go
marcus: Awww
me: i know...
marcus: Call me some time sweetheart
me: okay
me: hehe
marcus: Promise?
me: okay
marcus: Promise promise?
me: okay!
me: haha
marcus: You really promise?
me: yes, i'll call you
marcus: You promised 3 times
me: i did
me: should it take three times?
marcus: I have work at 10:45AM
me: i have work at eleven thirty
marcus: You'd be surprised
me: what do you mean?
me: what would i be surprised at?
marcus: You'd be surprised how often I'd get blown off
marcus: And no one calls
me: aww
me: well, talk to you later
marcus: Okie doke
marcus: *smooch*
me: mwah
marcus: Nighty night
me: nighty night
marcus: Think about me when you play with yourself tonight
me: haha, okay
marcus: Yaaaaay!
marcus: Of course
marcus: And take a pic
marcus: I would LOVE that
me: i'm not taking a pic
marcus: Aw,
me: haha

1:11 am - sunday, july 30, 2006


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