backyard crowing



my grandparents (father's parents) have enjoyed, endured, enlightened
togetherness together for fifty years now

my parents choked through ten celebrations of new years
their last one consisted of she leaving him
they took a little stroll in the dark
together while the fireworks exploded
and she discussed their togetherness
how she didn't want it any longer
how 'together' wasn't an appropriate word for them
how together she would be without him

ten new years celebrations later and i have learnt
just how her hatred of her former in-laws shines through me
"write a poem for their golden fiftieth,"
someone suggests,
I cannot imagine a better idea.
what a wonderful, cheap gift.

i take pen to paper and begin with nothing, nothing, nothing,
because i realize i am nothing like my grandparents,
nor do i desire to mirror their ways
i am woman
i do not bake
i do not clean
i do not hand a man a toothbrush and tell him to clean his pearly whites
i do not respond well to someone if they tell me to wear a girdle
i am nothing like my father's mother
i will never be anything like her

my face is blue with the opinions of my elders
my stomach lurches menacingly at their every glance and syllable
my eyes are weary, red and dry from the sleep they've stolen from me
my veins crave youthful blood and risky falls
my feet ache for the tightrope
my ears ring from their obnoxious, know-it-all screaming
i am people-weary


there is only a glimmer of me that doesn't want to go back to school, that is the glimmer that makes me feel fat...austin girls are downright gorgeous. they're young and beautiful and skinny. i'm young, somewhat pretty, but not really skinny at all. the one thing i dread about returning to school is my body issues.

i'm also going to totally kick ass grade-wise, and if i don't, i'm going to die or something. so that will stress me out, too.

but goodness, i can't WAIT to get the heck out of here. i would leave now if i could. at least i have only three more days at the sandwich shop!

speaking of which, there's a regular who came in today, and i served him. he's very cute, and i just knew i had seen him somewhere before, somewhere other than just in the store. he finally stepped up today and asked me who i was.

turns out he once dated my friend kelly in high school, and he went to prom with her. he mumbled something like, "hm, brings back painful memories." darn. they worked at h&h together.


me: (cheaper than texting)
marcus: Hello, sweetheart
me: Hey Mister 8-)
marcus: What's up?
me: do you have an affinity for any particular nickname?
me: nm, just lying in bed
me: or is it laying?
me: who knows
marcus: Call me...
marcus: Fuckhead
marcus: Totally kidding.
me: ha! good
me: that's not flattering at all
me: oops, understatement
marcus: Budum-pshh
me: understatement is a good song by newfound glory
me: pshhhhhhh
me: pshaw
marcus: Shwing!
me: schwing. schwingers bar.
me: schwingtastic
me: blanigantastic
me: blaniganeffingtasticc
marcus: Are you feeling well?
me: yes
me: :-)
me: although it might not seem that way
me: most of the time
me: hah! truer words were never typed!
me: (blanigantastic is a reference to that 70s show. nevermind.)
marcus: This word association is hurting my brain
me: which one?
marcus: Which is weird, cause I just watched all of FLCL in japanese with subtitles
marcus: All of them :-P
me: hehe
me: you asked, "Are you feeling well?" and i replied in spurts: "yes. :-) although it might not seem that way, most of the time."
me: i watched grizzly man with my mom tonight
me: that dude is my hero
marcus: ?
marcus: ?
me: okay, grizzly man is a documentary about a dude who spent 13 years in alaska with wild grizzlies, studying them. that dude is my hero.
me: but it's a little indie documentary, i wouldn't be at all surprised if you hadn't heard of it
me: it did win something at sundance, though
marcus: I shee
me: shanks
marcus: *picks you up and sets you on lap*
me: hm, i'm not that light but okay
me: details, details
marcus: I'm not that weak
me: haha
me: *runs fingers through your hair*
me: *plants her lips on yours*
marcus: *puts his tounge in your mouth*
me: i've seen it so many times in movies
me: i think i've imagined it enough to know what that's like
marcus: What's that?
marcus: Making out?
me: kissing
me: yep
me: do you remember your first open-mouthed kiss?
marcus: I'll show you
marcus: Yes actually
marcus: It was when I was watching some rob schnieder movie
marcus: Maybe the animal, maybe somthing else
me: how old were you?
marcus: I think it was though
marcus: 14 15ish
me: is he the guy with dark curly hair?
me: kind of bug-eyed?
me: was it any good?
marcus: It was alright
me: did you initiate or did she? (i'm assuming it was a she, i could be mistaken though)
marcus: Uhm... I actually think we planned it
me: you're kidding me, right? i think this is a ploy...
marcus: No really
me: really? how funny
marcus: Pretty much everything she and I did we talked about on the internet
me: hahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
me: okay now i KNOW you're kidding
marcus: No I'm serious
me: really?
me: you know that's hard to believe, don't you?
marcus: Neither one of us could drive and we used AIM to talk and we lived a long way away from each other
me: wow, i guess times haven't changed
me: oops, yeah okay i totally don't believe you
me: (i was going to say how sad it is that times appear to not have changed(
me: so how did you meet her?
marcus: Why?
marcus: band camp
me: well, i would like to think that a 20 year old would not have to arrange smooches via internet
me: 15 is more forgivable for that sort of silliness
me: or desperateness
me: i'm just curious, i enjoy first kiss stories
marcus: No I was 14 or 15 and she was 2 years younger
marcus: So yeah
me: so she could have been 12
marcus: Yup
me: where then did you kiss?
marcus: Theater
me: so you were able to arrange a date or something like it without a car? that's cool
marcus: Well, Beaumont was between where I lived and she lived
me: and
me: do you feel loads older than you were then
me: i mean everybody does, i suppose
marcus: And so we went to a theater in beaumont, our parents drove us
marcus: Everyone tells me I look older
marcus: I don't nessesarily feel older though
marcus: Oh weait
marcus: That I was then
marcus: Yes, much older
me: yeah
me: well, that's sweet
me: your story i mean
marcus: Well
marcus: Thanks :-)
me: ha, you're welcome
marcus: I think your sweet
me: likewise :-D
marcus: *grope*
me: hehe
me: *rests head in your lap*
marcus: *rubs hand through hair*
me: *kisses your neck*
me: *gets up and straddles you, taking your neck in her fingers*
marcus: *kisses you and bits your bottom lip*
me: *unbuttons her shirt slowly and seductively, letting your eyes roll over her*
me: *unhooks her bra*
marcus: *Kisses down your neck, your chest between your breasts, leans you down, to your belly button, and back up*
me: *unbuttons and unzips her jeans*
me: *pop*
marcus: *Kisses your waiste around your pantyline*
me: *takes your hands and traces them all over my panties*
me: *takes your fingers and rubs my clit with them, through the cloth*
me: that was grammatically terrible, but you get the idea
marcus: *pushes with my thumb*
marcus: To make you feel more comfortable
me: oh thanks
marcus: *kisses your body again, then again, biting*
me: *places your mouth on one of my nipples*
me: *closes eyes*
marcus: *sucks on your nipple lightly at first*
marcus: *sucks harder*
me: *shivers*
marcus: *sucks harder, lets it go, and bites on it lightly*
me: *breathes harder*
me: *licks lips*
me: *slides panties down*
marcus: *lays you down and kisses down lower*
me: wooo
marcus: *kisses the inside of your thighs*
marcus: Woo?
me: as in yay!
me: is that not really a good word for you?
marcus: Heehee, what are we celebrating?
me: i don't know
me: my car being without flaws?
marcus: Not the only thing without flaws... *licks your pussy lips*
me: hehe!
me: mmm...
me: *grabs your hands and places them on her breasts*
me: (y'know, to keep you busy and multitasking)
me: sex is just full of multitasking it seems
marcus: *pinches your nipples, while licking your pussy lightly
marcus: It comes naturally
marcus: Trust me
me: hehe =-O
me: not the kind of multitasking they want you to do at work
me: well thank goodness!! :-)
me: but if sex was anything like work, no one would be interested in it
marcus: I'll show you if you'd like
me: and then people would stop having babies
me: the human race would cease to exist
me: i don't feel ready, but thanks for the offer
marcus: When you're ready then *kiss*
me: aw :-)
marcus: Hee
me: *hug*
marcus: I'll be content with taking naked pictures of you till then...
me: lol
me: you think you're going to talk me into polaroids, but you're mistaken
me: i do have a new camera now though!
me: new to me anyway
me: it's from my granddad
marcus: Mwuahahaha
me: slr, a film camera, a nikon 20/20
me: haha
me: i would be totally unable to get naked pictures of myself developed with a straight face
me: i mean, wouldn't you?
me: imagine the look on the photo person's face
marcus: What if I developed them
marcus: ?
marcus: My phone has a camera anyway
me: especially if they were male
marcus: I'd give a thumbs up
marcus: If it was a guy I'd call him a fag
marcus: Just out of spite
me: wait, you'd give who a thumbs up? the photo person?
me: ahaaaa
marcus: Yes
me: so if they were pictures of you, and it was a girl developer (pardon the pun), you'd give a thumbs up, but if it was a guy you'd just say, "Fag!" and then leave?
me: or am i way off here?
marcus: If it was a girl I'd say somthing like "feel free to make doubles"
me: hahaaa
me: well that's confident of you
me: overconfident, quite perhaps :-)
marcus: Well, I'd get my pictures first
marcus: But yeah, I'd call him a fag
marcus: No, that's asshole of me
marcus: Not as a normal thing
marcus: Just to avoid the awkwardness of it all
me: oh, i get it
me: because "feel free to make doubles" is so outlandish, it might actually ease the pressure
me: (again, pardon the pun)
marcus: If there were pictures of me to be awkward about, I'm sure there's little to "ease the pressure"
marcus: Giggity
me: me too, actually
me: and once again, that guy is friggin' creepy!
me: creeeeeepiiiiiiiiie!
me: back again!
me: the last thing i saw was creeeeeeeeeepiiiiiiiiiiiie!
marcus: Crepie?
marcus: Wuzzat?
me: no, just creepy. not like a crepe.
me: i was reiterating that the family guy character who always says 'giggity' is creepy
marcus: Mmm... Crepes...
me: Yum!
me: chocolate crepes are delicious
me: but that's to be expected
marcus: Mmm...
me: anything chocolate tends to be good
marcus: Know what else is delicious?
me: chocolate panties?
me: what were you going to say?
marcus: Hmm... I'm sure they are but I doubt they're practical
me: haha
marcus: But I was going to say you in general
me: practicality is pointless when speaking about sex toys
me: haha! :-*
me: because you've tasted me, hehe
marcus: You look delicious
marcus: Therefore you must be
me: haha
me: that is not always a rule to go by
me: but okay
marcus: Not like I'm judging a book by its cover or anything...
me: haha! noooo, of course not
me: :-)
marcus: Ok, there's 2 thing I want to ask
me: shoot
marcus: First, what is your opinion of oral?
me: i once thought it was gross, but after much consideration, i figured it must feel good. i mean, just thinking about has to be good, right?
me: a tongue is warm and wet just like um.....a man
me: so why wouldn't it feel good down there?
marcus: What about giving?
me: i've never gotten or given before, but i think it would be interesting to see what giving is like. it seems like men like the getting, and also that it's pleasing to please
me: so, why not
marcus: Okie dokie!
me: i mean, i'm asking 'why not?' of the general public, not myself
marcus: Now, next question
me: okay
marcus: What's your opinion on porn?
me: i'm really not into it. porn is stupid, an addiction, and degrading to women and men alike, even if men don't feel that way. in certain environments (like with married couples who are looking for adventure), i think it's okay. i mean, it's much like a sex toy, but at the same time a guy watching porn develops expectations
me: i think the less you know about playing in bed, the more fun you'll have...
me: does that make sense?
marcus: I see
me: what i'm trying to say is that if you don't watch porn, you don't have a "right idea" about what sex is supposed to be like.
marcus: Like exploring on ones own
me: and if you don't know what it's supposed to be like, you do whatever the heck you feel like--whatever feels good to you
me: yeah, exactly
me: it forces you to be more creative, i think
me: but don't think i don't think you look at porn; you sent me a link
marcus: I did that one for the artistic value
me: oh really? hm.
me: riiight
me: :-)
marcus: No really
marcus: I could show you... Uh... Nevermind.
me: we were talking about breasts, and you sent me a link of some nice ones, if i remember right
me: how was that artistic?
marcus: That particular set was very artistic
me: *rolls eyes* okay, dude
marcus: We can make some artistic pictures
me: i will be in photojournalism next semester
me: (hence the new camera)
marcus: Mwuahaha
marcus: Sorry
me: hehe
marcus: You keep saying things that give me ideas
marcus: I'm much to naughty for your good
me: you are
marcus: And yet you still talk to me
marcus: You ma'am are a conundrum
me: yes, often i wonder why
me: let's can i be innocent and not at the same time? lol
me: ugh
marcus: Ugh?
me: i don't know
me: i guess it was an 'ugh' of frustration with myself. no matter what i do, i'm thinking 'ugh'
me: and you know, that last sentence made complete sense
me: but it still doesn't result in a decision
marcus: Hm
me: i guess there is no way to respond to all of that drivel
me: blahbitty blah blah blah blah
me: woohoo it's 3 am
me: i must be lonely!
me: (that's a matchbox 20 song)
me: all the rain's gonna wash away our beliefs....yeaaaah
me: goodnight, mr. marcus
marcus: Awwww
marcus: *lick*
me: hehe
me: *kiss kiss*
me: *falls asleep on your shoulder*
marcus: You have a good night sweetheart
me: you too

- tuesday, august 15, 2006


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