backyard crowing


jamba boy

i nearly logged onto AIM to IM Marcus just now, but I held myself back. I must hold myself back. As Leah says, "He is a DD, a Destructive Decision."

then why do i still have daydreams that he'll run into me or move next door in years to come?

i'm guessing because he's probably the only guy who i've met and become even slightly close to...why did i turn him down? ugh.

other than that, yesterday afternoon when i was on my photography excursion i went to jamba juice and one of the employees, ross, gave me his employee discount and covered my bill. i thought it was really nice of him, and thanked him afterward. i stuck around for a minute or two, and tried to have a conversation with him, but he seemed awfully busy, and not particularly interested in chit chat. i asked him awkwardly if he went to UT, and he said simply, "No." i couldn't hear his response the first time around, so i had to ask him again.

after he finished cleaning off the blenders, he walked away from where i was standing, so i walked out of the place. i think his co-worker noted the confused look on my face. hopefully he said something to him about talking to me next time i come in?

he seems like a nice guy, and he's also very cute...i don't know if he was just being polite or if he was hitting on me. i'm very confused. i don't know if i'm happy or embarrassed. i hope i'm happy. i need to ask mom about this situation, or maybe dad, although dad would probably just ASSUME he was trying to hit on me without much serious thought. i was wearing shorts and a tank top, which is usually a lot less than what i normally put on. but i shouldn't jump to conclusions. maybe he pays for random people often, i don't know. but still...there were other customers in the store who might have noticed if they were super observant that i was getting a free smoothie. i was certainly not the only person there. wow...

he's very, very cute. but he didn't really say anything to me, except "You're welcome" and "No" to my question. it was awkward, i was awkward, and i don't know what to make of the situation. i want to talk to marcus about it, but i want marcus. yikes.

but i have resolved to NOT stop going to jamba juice. it might be slightly awkward now to buy smoothies there, but I'm not going to quit giving them my service. i wonder...aie. i wonder what made him give me a free drink. i go nuts over these small potato occurrences.

but...i am strange and i do not know how to act in these situations. i am shy. but maybe he is shy, too. this sounds like something i might do for a guy. you know, pay for him and then not have the guts to talk to him. i don't know, though. perhaps i'm only imagining things. perhaps i need a good kick in the face.

12:35 am - Monday, Oct. 16, 2006


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