backyard crowing
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seedy and scary dreams
i constantly want to be something better than i am. why? why this ever grinding desire for improvement?
i'm dissapointed in myself today. i had two papers due, and one will be turned in late. unfortunately, the one i will turn in on time is just for extra credit, for photography.
i'm listening to Muse, which is absolutely an amazing band.
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last night i had two dreams...
in the first, i was in the middle of a war, and i worked for the military. i wasn't in a french country, but i found myself using my french often to communicate. i was outside in the middle of the night and saw a bunch of people leave the area, only one girl stayed. i didn't have a vehicle, and i asked her if she had one--she didn't. i'm not sure why i needed one. a bit later, i enter a building that seems every once in a while like it's going to cave in. the place is completely abandoned, but it is my job to go throughout the building and measure how likely it is that the pillars on each floor will fall. i'm some sort of engineer, and i have instructions on paper as to which pillars to test. it's a frustrating tast, as the instructions are garbled, they don't make much sense.
in the second, i was walking along campus and i saw...my cousin jimmy. he said hello and held my hand--he even pecked me several times on the lips. he said something like, "i don't know how much is too far for family," or something of the sort. that's as far as we went. we kept walking along campus until it turned into a beach, and so we took off our shirts and i swam in my camisole, and he without a shirt. then we saw a few people, one of which was Rayni, an old friend from high school. we started to talk about jazz, and they were really surprised i wasn't too familiar with it; they were particularly astounded that i had never seen a jazz show. then we all went into this hotel where we got a key with some word across it that was very provocative--only i can't remember what the word was. we all went into the room for a bit, and then came out into the lobby for awhile. new found glory was playing, and i started singing along to it. i said to them something like, "hey, i like new found glory! they're a good band!" but they didn't really hear me. a couple of people had left, some others were making out, and then i woke up. how's THAT for random? i haven't listened to my new found glory stuff in ages.
and it worries me that my cousin, who i've always been attracted to, is in this KISSING me on the lips. even though they were just pecks, that kind of thing would never happen in real life. the first dream i had about him involved the ocean, too.
i don't know that i've had a more seedy dream...
wait, there was that one dream in which adam was my brother, and we had sex in a wal-mart parking lot. that's pretty seedy...
3:42 pm - Thursday, Oct. 26, 2006
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