backyard crowing


bring ammo

i would really like to go see science of sleep tommorow. i would really like to get to know marcus better. i think i like him again... i don't want him to think i'm rebounding, but perhaps i am.

uh oh. agh. i do like him a lot, what is wrong with me?

should i go see him at his work? do i even have time? i don't know what i want with him, or if i have any business wanting anything with him.

wait, i do know. i want to kiss him and cuddle with him, talk and just be. with. him.

and this morning at about 3 am, i was. weird, right? yeah. well...i got on AIM and he said he was in the area with a friend. he dropped his friend off at a dorm, and then we took a walk for about an hour. we talked. i had fun. i like him. i missed him. this is only the third time i've seen him. i felt more like myself around him last night than i ever have before. is it strange to be so on and off again with a person? i believe in so many different types of love stories. i mean, the plot of "when harry met sally" is a fairly outrageous way to meet your match, but it's still one of the most romantic movies i've ever seen. some think it's silly, and yes, the ending is predictable, but come's a beautiful, lovely film. it gives me hope and encouragement that one day i will find a good guy, however oddly it may be. that is the kind of film that makes me disregard silence or awkwardness during a conversation with a man i like. for some, uncomfortable pauses are well, uncomfortable. but i try not to fret, especially when i like the guy. i believe in love triumphing over all, over time, over distance.

i am such a girl.

but i'm okay with that.

i wish he were here tonight. it occurs to me that i have wished this a great many nights. does he like me? at all? am i nuts? how could i turn a guy down twice and then decide that hey, i enjoy his company a great deal?

i highly doubt he's interested. but wow, am i. why did i let a good thing go? he's so much nicer in person, such a caring guy. i think he said he works 3pm to midnight on tuesdays and thursdays, which apparently sucks for his work schedule. maybe i'll go visit him. i wonder how he kisses.

it seems like most guys would kiss in a different manner.

i wonder if i'll be able to sneak off and make out with anyone during the cruise. i don't know...if my family caught me, i would be forever embarrassed. i'm sure my future husband would be informed on the matter. "you'd better watch out during your honeymoon," they might explain, "she likes to shop around while at sea!" UGH.

don't tempt fate, janeane, don't do it.

here's the chat we had before we went on the walk:

marcus: Herro
me: hey there
marcus: What's up
me: hm, not much
marcus: Eh?
me: eh.
me: okay, a lot.
marcus: Something that needs to be talked about with?
me: not really, but thanks
me: i think i've talked enough
marcus: Tay
me: oh taaay
me: ha
me: how are you?
marcus: Je suis bien
me: tu VAS bien :-)
marcus: I don't see you for weeks and you appear suddenly
marcus: Why is that?
me: eh
marcus: Boyfriend and school I know
me: i'm not such a fan of instant messaging, really
marcus: But still
me: yeah, that too (one of them now)
marcus: Ahuh
me: just sometimes i feel like chatting, sometimes i don't
me: sometimes i feel like a nut, sometimes i don't
marcus: I understand
marcus: Dammit
marcus: You beat me!
me: dammit?
me: to what?
marcus: *sulks*
me: ah!
me: ha
me: la la la la la
marcus: Whatya doin?
me: chatting with you
me: :o
me: surprise surprise
me: what are you doing
marcus: Driving with Verdie and Jason
me: is verdie short for veronica, the car?
marcus: No
marcus: Verdie is Jasons girlfriend
me: gotcha
marcus: I'm on campus now
me: where are you all going
me: ZOMG we lost tonight
marcus: I'm at moorehill
marcus: Being a guinea pig for verdie
me: the ricin place
me: guinea pig?
marcus: Yes
marcus: I'm participating in some study for ms. Verdie
me: what do you have to do?
marcus: I don't know
me: just stand outside of moore hill?
me: i have a feeling you are busy doing guinea-pig things
marcus: No I'm in her dorm room
me: hey i think i found her on facebook, haha!
me: is she a women and gender studies major?
marcus: Yep
marcus: Double
marcus: And in english
me: what is your brother's last name?
me: miller?
marcus: Yes
marcus: That's my last name
marcus: Jason is my friend, not brother
me: oh gotcha
me: good
me: i was becoming afraid there for a second
me: sorry
marcus: Why? Jason is with us
me: no, i was just mistaken, and thought that you were with your brother, not your friend
me: oh nevermind
marcus: Ah
me: you get it now?
marcus: Not really
me: the whole "in a relationship with..." box on facebook--i was looking for a last name of miller, not kimbrell
me: and becoming concerned
me: i feel like a stalker now
marcus: lol
me: i don't know any of these people, i am sorry
marcus: Woo
marcus: *poke poke*
me: haha
me: poke poke? ouch.
marcus: Yesh
marcus: *lick*
me: sssss!
marcus: Your hissing at me?
me: i am
me: only jokingly though
me: hence the "!"
marcus: *lick*
me: now that i'm single again you're licking me? ahahaha
me: okay then
me: *lick*
marcus: I was licking you when you weren't single
me: you were? oh yeah, i guess that's right
marcus: Laff
me: chortle
marcus: Giggle
me: i can't picture you giggling, but okay ^^
marcus: I can show you
me: huh?
marcus: I'm like 100ft from you
marcus: You should come down and see me
me: will you be there a while?
marcus: A little while
me: okay maybe just a sec
me: i need to end this other conversation
me: um
me: okay would it be weird if i said hi? what am i even going to say?
marcus: Oh I was saying I was going to come over
me: well i live on the nth floor of [my dorm]
me: do you have time or would you be annoying jason and verdie
me: oi
me: my head aches
me: owww.
me: what's up?
marcus: Finished
me: okay
me: what's the plan? or is there one?
marcus: There isn't but that's nothign new
me: okay, that's fine
me: at least i think you're talking about the same thing that i am ?
me: hm.
marcus: Eh?
marcus: Sorry
me: it's okay, no worries
marcus: Leaving moore hill now
me: okay
marcus: Where do I go?
marcus: Where do you want to meet rather?
me: oh, i thought you said there wasn't a plan
me: to meet
me: ah, so you weren't talking about the same thing that i was
marcus: Well there isnt
me: miscommunication
marcus: But we're making one aren't we?
me: seems like it
me: ha
marcus: So, where to?
me: i could meet you in the lobby [your dorm] or outside of [another dorm]
me: do you just want to say hi or are you guys actually planning on going somewhere?
marcus: Wanna go for a walk?
me: sure
marcus: To the tower and around the park?
me: what park?
marcus: Or such
me: okay
marcus: The lawn I should say
me: the lawn
me: what lawn?
me: oh well
marcus: In front of the tower
me: ah, gotcha
me: cool, so do you want to meet in front of the tower?
marcus: I'm headed toward your dorm
me: okay, so the lobby then?
marcus: Rendevous in the lobby, bring ammo
me: haha, okie dokie
me: okay, iím on my way

- sunday, Nov. 12, 2006


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