backyard crowing


halter dress? ow.

tonight my good friend abby and i talked for 3.5 HOURS! it's wonderful to have a friend with whom you can spill all your juicy secrets. she's the only person i know in 3-D who knows about marcus and i making out. she was really supportive, and down with the whole "friends with benefits" thing. infact, she has a friend with benefits, too! his name is ben, and i've seen him with her, but not met him. i knew who he was because she had talked about him, but we played it cool. (they were walking down the hallway together). she liked him before, but now she says that even though they "fit," they don't "go together." this makes sense, in a way. BUT, he doesn't turn her on. in fact, no one has ever turned her on, but she says that she gets the urge sometimes, and so she still wants a friend with benefits.

sometimes she's so theatrical in her quick speaking that i forget she's a human. i need to work on that, because i don't want to lose her friendship. she told me there's a quote that says, "Friends are there for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. You just choose their category." for her, i would want a lifetime of friendship. she's really a special person, and i hope for the absolute best for her. she's the only one i feel i can be totally open with about guys. i can't tell my mother i let a guy finger me, but i think i can tell abby. she's cool like that. and yes, that sounds strange...but it's true. ABBY IS AWESOME!

i'm amazed that marcus' whiskers aren't pointy. why are they not sharp? they're so soft, i rubbed my face all over them! i think he thought that was weird. wow, it was so darned relaxing. i hope i can be so relaxed next time. on tuesday i'll have more energy, i believe. therefore i'll be a more enthusiastic partner, right? either that, or i'll be a more afraid partner. i hope i'm enthusiastic. i think i want to have the lights off. no, i KNOW i want to have the lights off. i just need to be courageous and insist on it. he'll understand. he HAS to understand, otherwise i could just turn him down. but would i? well, probably not. but still, i really feel that i could get more pleasure with the lights cut. that way i don't need to worry about if i will turn him off or not. even though he's fat, i still feel fat in front of him. and i don't know how skinny the other girls who have been with him are...i have no idea what they weighed or how good they looked. if they were model-like, i could see how he might look at my stomach and cringe. a dermatologist i visited in san antonio did that to me once. i was so humiliated. she did, she actually cringed at my stomach. i don't think i've told anybody that, diary, so you should feel pretty darn special.

i'm finding myself unable to remember a lot of what went on that night. i wasn't drunk, just incredibly tired. had i not been so exhausted, maybe i would not have gone as far as i did. but...i'm happy that i went as far as i did. i don't regret that night, i'm glad we did it.

he's so sweet, such a gentleman. he's so soft, like a big bear. like a gigantiteddy, but not a boyfriend. at least i don't think i want him to be my boyfriend...he's nice, but a bit negative. i don't want his negativity. (just his benefits!)

he's really soft, and even though he says he doesn't really have many muscles, i love feeling his upper arms. i'm not really into muscles anyway. he's just...cuddly. and i can't seem to get away from that lower lip of his...

i'm thinking next time i want to wear my white halter dress, and maybe without underwear. wow. if i take off my shirt then, that means i'm taking off my whole dress. and if i take off my whole dress, i'll be naked. ...which doesn't sound so bad, really. i'm just concerned that if i lose all clothes, he'll want to have sex. i mean, i think that as a guy he wants to have sex anyway, but i think he might have a REALLY hard time if i was naked. i've never been naked with a guy. i don't know if i should now, but it's tempting. and i definitely wouldn't get naked if the lights weren't cut.


WARNING: This is an explicit fantasy that I felt like writing out. If you think it's gross...well, then...stop reading! I'm not this explicit everyday, just today!

he walks in, closes the door, and sees me even in the darkness, laying on my bed. he pulls the string behind my head, holding my halter top up. he pushes it down, lays his hands on my breasts, kneading ever so gently, making my nipples awaken in excitement. his hands wander up my skirt, and he feels my hot wet pussy with his fingers. i clench like mad, and he kisses me deeply. he asks me if i'm wearing panties, and of course, i'm not. he asks me if i want to take my shirt off like i did so nicely the other night, and i oblige. now i'm laying under him, naked and shivering from the cold, and maybe something else.

11:14 pm - Sunday, Nov. 19, 2006


lovesounds - futuresex


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