backyard crowing


a long entry about lots of stuff

"You screwed up."
"Yeah? Well, with parents like you, I was born to."

mom and i aren't meant to be together.


maybe my writing is just a waste of time, or a time-waster. maybe it's not real, maybe it's just me, goofing around, emoting, entertaining myself, avoiding real study. maybe it will never get me anywhere. maybe i should just go teach english. i think i would like that career...i've never met an english teacher i haven't liked.

or better yet, creative writing! i would love to teach creative writing. i've always thought i had a little literary in me.

maybe i'll be like my dad, always chasing dreams of a new business or grandiose idea, but with failing novels, instead. if so, i think my mother would have a fit. dad and i are the dreamers of our fun, dysfunctional family. i would like to think that i'm capable of obtaining my degree in journalism, though. i would like to think i could stay in a place like this.

My personal favorite quote from my relationship with Jeff it's from when we were alone laying on his bed, and he wanted to make out, but I didn't as I had a cold--he was really pressuring me, so I said:

Me: "Does your roommate like never leave or something?"
Him: "Huh?"
Him: "Oh."


Have you ever exchanged phone numbers with someone and had them call you to make sure that you weren't giving them the wrong number? If so, did you date them? If not, would you date such a person?

Over Thanksgiving my mother attended a singles party with a great many people she had never seen before, and one lady chatted about a man who rang her a couple of minutes after the two went their separate ways. She didn't know what to make of the situation, but decided afterward that she was not happy with that kind of behavior. I asked my mother if the lady dated the man after that, but she said that question was never broached.

The other day, my good friend Abby and I were talking about men who practice this technique, and she said she did not have a problem with it, nor would she consider not dating a man because of this. She reminded me that in the beginning of any relationship, you do not trust the other person, and nor should you. She also mentioned that when she is interested in a guy, that sort of small issue does not bother her.

Is it picky to not date these phone-number-checkers? I think not. Women don't date men for gobs of different reasons. Some examples of bars:

-no smokers/doers of certain drugs
-no co-workers/classmates
-no *name a race here*s (this is unfortunate, but of course true, and deserving mention)
-no *name a religion here*s
-no jocks/gamers/nerds/hippies/punks/indie boys/emo kids/betatesters/gangsters/fast food workers/kickers/collectors of particular things/knitters/bloggers/ballroom dancers/bikers/metrosexuals/ETC, ETC, ETC...

The list of "requirements" that some women have is endless. Some like men this way, some that way. It's all a matter of taste. And really, when everything boils down, most of these traits are handleable and not tolerating certain ones could be superficial. A woman who can't live with a man who collects stamps, for example, seems a bit extreme. They're just stamps, get a hold of yourself.

However, having issues with "doers of certain drugs" are well-founded. If you don't want to date Joe Schmo because he's a heroin addict, for example, I can see your reasoning.

Totally understandable. :p

So my poll to you is this:

To date or not date a guy who does this?

*sigh* Women are weird. Perhaps we analyze these sorts of details way too much. But why? Because there are some people out there with penises.


It's amazing to find people that want to know you, that care about you, that are curious about you and your life. I feel it is a rare and beautiful thing, and maybe I like this guy, Dennis. He does remind me somewhat of Marcus--but a much happier, more fun version. He's not really all that physically attractive...I mean, Marcus is more attractive than he is, and Marcus isn't all that attractive, except for the fact that I know him fairly well! Maybe this Dennis person will grow on me. He seems like a lot of fun to be around. And as I said before, he's curious about me. So odd and nice, to have a person with a genuine interest in my life. He was a football player in high school, and he ran track and participated in some other sports team as well. However, he loves to read, even textbooks, he said.

He seems like everything makes him laugh. He can't stop smiling, or looking me straight in the eye. I felt my neck craning from turning to face him so much of the time. He could be a fun cuddle buddy, but I wouldn't want to do that to him. Yes, if we ever got into a relationship, I would of course want to cuddle. But now, I don't really know him, and I've learned from Marcus that FWB always hurts someone, in the end. In our case, I believe it was him, and I regret it. I hope I didn't hurt him, he says he didn't feel used...but yet he didn't want to continue with our makeout sessions.

I think I'd like to just get drunk with Dennis, and then start making out, and then blame it on the booze. That could be fun. He already knows my worst fear is rape, and his eyes widened as every boy's does, when I mention this fear. I don't think he would rape me.

Damn, why is rape always an issue? I just don't think I trust guys. Then again, he called me back right after I gave him my number. HE doesn't trust ME. And I felt offended by that! Some women would, some wouldn't. My mother and her friend at the party would, but Abby wouldn't. It takes all kinds to make a world.


Lord, please guide me.
Please show me what you want me to do with my life.
Please let me know what you think of all this.
Please show me how to do your will.
Please help me to know whether or not to leave my mother.
Please help me get into the college, if it's still possible.
Thank you.
Thank you for giving your Son to die on the cross for us.

- wednesday, Dec. 06, 2006


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