backyard crowing



three years ago today, i was writing as a senior in high school from my uncle's new house. there i started this diary, and i have come light years since then. my paternal grandparents had given me a scholarship of $1K, an amount that i had previously thought nonexistent, at least in my hands. i remember dad took a picture frame and printed out a Certificate of Scholarship to make the money look somewhat related to him. i'm over that now, but it still lingers as a faint memory.

since then, my mother has been my greatest financial contributor, and those same grandparents have demanded that she show them PROOF of her help before they contribute any more.

the $1K contribution was available during my freshman, sophomore, and now junior years.

money is ridiculous, it breaks us apart. i wish i did not need to have money to achieve my goals, but most people (including me) do.

i cannot WAIT to solely support myself. i don't care if it's hard; i know it's hard. of course, i won't know just how hard it is until i try it, but i'm willing to bet that a life without my parents is a beautiful life indeed. i will find it strange to rarely see them, but comforting in a way that i have never known.

who knows, i may be my only benefactor as soon as mid january. we'll see.

on a completely different note, i need to pray for the family of a boy named brian who killed himself on new year's eve.

and, as long as i'm up for writing, i might as well do my resolutions here and now. last year i didn't even get around to the things, so better early than never. i'm okay with people reading these:

1. Get a job your second semester. Lots of college students work along with their studies, and I should be one of them.

2. Get into J310, and whoop its ass this time around. Come on, you know you can.

3. Try to take 15 hrs. this semester.

4. Don't date. Seriously, don't even think about it. Too distracting.

5. Don't be dissapointed if you don't have much of a social life.

6. Don't let people get you down. Surround yourself with good.

7. God. Find Him/Her in more depth. Seek God's will, not my own.

8. Lose weight. Isn't this on almost everyone's list?

9. Accept that M is bad for you, and stop missing him. Whatever you do, don't contact him.

10. Don't lose your true friends, and keep in touch with the old ones. Remember that it's okay to have friends from all sorts of strange places, and not one particular group of cronies to go out with every Friday night--don't get discouraged or think you are antisocial because of this.

True friends: ABBY, Anya, Denise, Lauren, Ray (in a way)

Old friends: Krista and Lisa, Leslie, Lauren, Christy, Amanda, ELYSE, Leila, Jimmy

and now?


- wednesday, dec. 27, 2006


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