backyard crowing
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dr. pennebaker's orders
i'm worried that i won't be accepted into the college of communication. i hate thinking and writing about this, but i'm doing an assignment right now. this *should* help me, or so some psychologist says.
i'm concerned because last time i applied, i did not make it. the whole situation was quite a letdown. this is my career, my passion. i want to do journalism. i cannot let anything or anyone distract me. and yes, that means no boys. i feel that although abby has toned down her talk of men, she still focuses on them. i feel that when she talks about them extensively, i begin to think about them extensively. sometimes i wonder that if i was never her friend, i would have an easier time forgetting marcus. she doesn't usually bring him up in conversation, but she's one of two in this entire world who could. i don't tell people about marcus; he is uncharacteristic of me.
so, back to the college. i'm torn. i'm frantic. i'm lucky enough to know what i want to do with my life, but scared shitless that i won't be good enough. this is what caused me so many tears last semester.
note to self: DON'T JOIN THE NEWSCAST. i would love to do sound/lights/etc., but there's simply no time. i already took a course to get certified so that i'm ALLOWED to volunteer, but now i don't think that will happen. i need not waste time doing extracurriculars that won't help much in the application process.
i really need to get myself off of that freaking listserv. if i do that, i'll be less tempted to join. the cast sounds exciting...crazy fun...but i came to college to take classes and pass them. yes, i will do some sort of internship during college, but my grades are more important now. first thing's first: gaining entrance. then i can worry about spj, orange, cactus, daily texan, kvr, etc., etc.
we're so lucky here to have hella good communication extracurrics.
i have a test and two papers due this week. boo!
today i didn't go to the newscast. this is a good sign, i just need to keep not going. i could be studying during those 2-3 hours. that's my time.
oh, and i bought a webcam!!! i'm returning it, though. i may buy a different cheaper one after a while or i may simply use the money on food instead. we'll see. either way the idea was to become a vlogger. vlooooooogeeeeeeeeer! i love the sound of that word.
oh yeah, i'm supposed to write about my recent traumatic experience. i forgot. :)
that's a good sign, right?
the bottom line is that i need to do well in school to get in.
for tommorow, i should have my paper. for thursday, i should have another paper (technically 2). by friday, i should be able to kick major ass at my biology test.
all of these things require studying, or slowly moving towards a bigger, more "respectable" goal. journalists do have jobs. french majors? maybe notsomuch.
i can see myself out in the field, in my rich imagination. i wish to see the world through my eyes, and learn how to wear the journalist's glasses. i want to see past surfaces, to dive deep into the ocean with an air tank on my back, to risk my life for truth and beauty. i want to be, as bill cosby once said, "the informer."
good night, i have written my 20 minutes and must get on with studying and showering!
on a random note, i'm now drinking my first red bull ever!
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Dear Music TA,
You are unbelievably hot. Just thought I'd let you know. ;)
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Don't you just love beginning papers with, "In Joe Schmo's Book..."
I know I do. But honestly, do not the English majors and professors tire of such bland nonsense?
- tuesday, Feb. 13, 2007
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