backyard crowing


i dreamed i was a pothead

i had a strange dream during my 3-4 hour long nap today.

first let me just say that i bumped into david's brother randomly, but he didn't recognize me. we met once in J1 (the downstairs eating facility) last year, and the only reason i recognize him is because i've seen facebook pictures of the guy.

of course i didn't say 'hi,' that would have caused bushels of awkwardness. the point in mentioning the boy is that he triggered my subconscious thoughts about david...i'm trying to suppress these things, you see.

so in my dream i was at my dad's houston home smoking pot, a drug i have never used--nor does it strike me as appealing. the pot affected my vision; i became dizzy and half blind. my vengeful thoughts rose up, and i decided to take the elevator (insert random setting change here) of my austin dorm to the top floor to david's room. in reality, david lives in an apartment, but in my dream, he lived in my dorm. once i left the elevator, i was miraculously able to swipe my student ID and gain entrance. my ID was old, and the machine should have rejected it, but somehow i was admitted. in my half blinded, entranced body i walked straight down the hall to his room without looking left or right. he had left his door wide open, and i did not know if he would be home. i walked in determined and deranged, and wrote a bitter note without a signature, but the words implied that i was the author, clever and pissed. i took my time in writing, but i was scared shitless that he would stroll in from wherever he was and ask me why i was entering. fortunately i went unnoticed and took the elevator back down to my dad's house...which is in houston. i continued to smoke, but then realized my mother would arrive soon to pick me up. i looked in the bathroom mirror at my bloodshot eyes worried and decided to tell her i was simply tired. the dream ended as she pulled up to the house and i rushed around cleaning out bongs. i suppose now i know the paranoia of a pothead?

my half blindness gave me an advantage in every aspect; i was a superhero. every time i took a risk, i had luck on my side. i do not know whether or not i pulled off faking sobriety with mom, because the dream ended abruptly, as most of mine do. my dreams don't have endings, they trail off at strange points to leave me wondering.

i've had a good many violent dreams in my life that never scared me, but this dream leaves me disturbed, because now i am the monster, or my own worst enemy, so to speak. and i'm hurtful. but i'm hurt, so don't the two go together?

nah...not neccessarily.

11:17 pm - happy humping day, biatch!


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