backyard crowing


i was so superficial

I'm not speaking with my mother even after I have proof that I will have housing next year. She doesn't have the luxury of knowing my good fortune right when I have it--she instead gets to worry and wring her hands and hope I will be at this university next year. She gets to sit and wait, and I will know right away. She isn't close to me, so she will not hear the good news until at least a few weeks after it comes in. She will ask me about the housing situation, and I will lie and tell her it isn't for sure--for a few weeks. Then when I am ready for her to know, she will know. Simple as that.

She is not my friend, let alone my mother, so I don't feel obligated to tell her about this situation that is important to me. I disowned her years ago.


What's life if you don't live it?


Would I be more free with a notebook and pen on the street?


God will give me guidance in this. Thank you God for helping me to breathe in and out. Thank you Lord for helping me to survive and pull through. Lord God please guide and bless my friend, and please help her. I love her as a friend, and she is the best human friend I have. She's a wonderful person and deserves only the best. I hope that she will understand, and I hope we can be friends, but I completely understand if she doesn't want to be friends. I'm not going to lie to her.

I can say to her...

1. You deserve only the best.
2. I am not lesbian or bi, I'm sorry.
3. It takes a lot of guts to say such things, to ask a person out.
4. Again, you deserve only the best, and I hope we can still be friends, but I completely understand if that's not what you want.
5. If we can't be friends, I wish you a great life, and you have so much going for you.
6. I am very sorry if I ever confused you or wasn't clear.

I can talk about...

-I'm angry at my mother
-I'm stressed about school--specifically both of my journalism classes
-Did you hear there's a tornado watch?!
-How did your 3 tests go?
-My roommate may be moving back to Pan Am.
-I had a bio test today that went well! I sprinted from music to bio in like 9 minutes and was 4 minutes late! They didn't have a test for me until 15 after, so they gave me 15 extra minutes to take it.


Mortifying correction:

Abby wasn't asking me out, she was asking me to room with her. I am such an idiot! However, I am also a very happy idiot, and hopeful that housing will take me in.

- friday, march 30, 2007


lovesounds - futuresex


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