backyard crowing


a smear of a week

I haven't ceased writing for the last few days, I've just had trouble keeping up. These thoughts have been going through my head for the past few days, and they're not in order and I'm not going to try to figure out what occurred when. The week has been a blur, bear with me.


"Man, the people on this floor are just wack. They belong in Moore-Hill. They're just that wack."

"The eigth floor was never this wack."

"What is it with these bitches that congregate in the bathroom, huh? What idiots!"

I wonder when they will quit pointing fingers and realize that they are the ones choosing to treat people badly, and that pulling this kind of crap won't gain you any friends, nor friendliness.

I have heard my roommate talking to her friends (or subjects, whatever) on the phone about how college "sucks" because in high school one could pull off meanness, or get a rise out of someone. Here, she says, one cannot piss anyone else off, because anyone else is smart enough to ignore a provoker. End result: the provoker gets absolutely no attention, negative nor positive. Completely denying the existence of someone is a great way to infuriate them.

At least I'm winning the war though, eh? ;)

Today was a VERY successful example. However, I need to learn to better speak up, whispering is never a good tactic. A forceful voice does a fighter good.


"I never meant for you to find me again."
- Weeds

...sounds like what i want to happen to marcus and i sometimes.


The "Slow Comfortable Screw" is drink name that I have discovered turns me on a bit. Perhaps this will be my first legal sip?

I'm not weird, I just like the sound of those words. Put a sock in it. kthx.


Caffeine gives you energy, but not the will to live.


here is part of my roommate's problem: she sleeps with a guy, and then wants to get into a relationship with him. he has already milked the cow. he knows he can get whatever he wants, and without commitment. she needs to make herself less available, and then maybe a man will take her seriously. now he holds all the power--it is his decision whether or not to make her his girlfriend.

he doesn't trust her, either...ah, why am I not surprised?


I just got drunk dialed for the first time. The call lasted sixteen minutes and five seconds. It took a far shorter phone call to break up with him.

The overview of what he said:

-I miss you
-I love you
-Saying goodbye to you at Moe's was hard
-Don't leave UT

Weird stuff that he has done in the past:

-he tried to get me to join the photography club
-he tried to join the fiction class he thought i was in, but they didn't have room for him. turns out i was actually in a poetry class...creepy.

Other notes:

-he has an old friend who I will name Ravi. her xanga site is hella developed, and includes videos, one in which she explains to the camera how her friend jeff calls her about ONCE A MONTH to tell her how he misses her and how awesome she AND HER BOYFRIEND are. riiiight. i think i now know about another girl he has crushed on. helen, as i will call her, is another girl who never liked him, but of course he claimed he was in love with her. i wound up with a crazy...jeff has issues. we dated for three weeks and he says that he loves me, when i see him only once randomly every few weeks...that boy is lonely and clingy, and that's sad, but he just...i don't know. he needs to get over girls who either didn't like him or liked him only briefly and ages ago.

-I never said the big three words to him ever, and he never said them to me. this was the first admission of love...eek! oh well, he hasn't contacted me at all since, so i'm glad. and just for the record, i didn't say that i loved him. i made it clear to him that "we had our run" and that i was sure he would find a great girl "out there." i even got all philosophical and told him about the song "Turn, Turn, Turn," which is a song by Pete Seeger that the Byrds turned into a number 1 hit. the lyrics from that song are taken from Ecclesiastes 3, and are very encouraging in that they tell the listener that good/bad times come and go, there's a season for everything, etc. etc....

what did he say his poison was?

40 oz. of malt liquor

I asked marcus casually about how much alcohol that was, and he said malt liquor was beer. i'm still lost as to how drunk this would make jeff, a big guy.


Wrote this about my roommate:

It is such a difficult task, knowing when to give up on people.

There comes a point where you cannot leave yourself defenseless, you must stand up for yourself.


I was wrapping myself in an old towel robe that my grandma had given me only a few years ago (try high school) when I thought up the beginning of a story. Here are a couple of entry sentences into such a story, if I ever get the time/patience/balls to do it:

I looked at my towel robe. "Jeune Fille," the label read, and from my years of studying French, I devined that this robe, yellow and always much too small for my body, was meant for a young girl. But when my grandmother presented it to me on my birthday two years ago, I was neither young, nor a girl.

I looked at my towel robe's tag. "Jeune Fille," the label had read when I opened the package, a birthday gift from my grandmother. Back then I could remember my French lessons, so I knew that this yellow piece of terry cloth was for a young girl. Back then I was neither young, nor a girl.


Ten days left. My roommate doesn't deserve my kindness, so I've stopped doling it out.


How ironic that I drown her (nope, my) television out with John Lennon's "Imagine." How fucking classic of my life.

Ah, and now "Jesus Is Just Alright" just came on. Man, I am a horrible (awesome) person.

10:32 pm - Monday, May. 07, 2007


lovesounds - futuresex


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