backyard crowing


dreams and wiki wonders

i have had 2 dreams lately:

1. I am introducing Patch to a friend, only I can't for the life of me remember what his name is. I can't remember what happened after that, because I couldn't even look at him to see his expression.

In real life, I have forgotten his name while talking about him to both Anne (the roommie) and my dad. I just completely drew a blank on his name...I believe this is a bad sign. If I can't even remember the name of my boyfriend, am I really meant to be his girlfriend?

2. I am in a disadvantaged part of the city with my hairstylist, and we are giving free haircuts for a day. A man with very long red hair shows up, and the cut he wants requires his hair to be a bit longer, if that makes any sense. So instead of leaving, he just sits in the waiting chairs--WAITING for his hair to grow. No one in the room looks at him strangely, and they all understand what he is waiting for. No one, including me, questions why he is sitting there. When I woke up, I realized just how bizarre this concept was...well, those are dreams for you.


Tonight I'm feeling quite mortal. I'm going to a certain famous restaurant with dad tommorow night. Looking forward to it! And I'm probably going to get him to help me with my math again. I wish Patch would leave me alone...and stop telling me that he loves me. I went to Wikipedia How's "How To Break Up," and at the bottom there were these other articles listed:

-How To Maintain Romance
-How To Tell A Woman You're Not Interested
-How Not To Be An Obsessive Girlfriend

So...why, may I ask, (and I may, since this is my diary), would one write an article entitled "How Not To Be An Obsessive Girlfriend" and fail to provide this woman's best friend--an equivalent?

And whatever happened to a good, old-fashioned "How To Tell A Man You're Not Interested?"


The Wiki made sure to also write "How To Get A Man To Marry You" and "How To Get Rid Of An Obsessive Ex Girlfriend," just in case we might forget how very DEPENDENT females can be. Shit.

Women aren't all clingy. They're also beings capable of understanding when another human is not interested in having sex with them, without freaking out.

...and they don't need husbands, they want them. I could go on and on...

but it's fucking 2 am! so i won't. gnight.

2:10 am - Friday, Sept. 21, 2007


paper fools

The best journalism teachers i've had are sensitive. They talk about recent news stories, and they show some skepticism, but they also try to see the story from every point of view. The students might laugh at Britney, and so might the teachers--but the teachers will show some feeling for her predicament.

or seems to me that the profs show compassion to the people in the news, and that's refreshing. some of the students enjoy ragging on the fools portrayed in the papers. the paper fools.

hey, i like that. Paper fools.

1:11 pm - Thursday, Sept. 20, 2007


this is major tom to ground control

Hi, Marcus. Are you there?

Do you copy?


12:58 am - Thursday, Sept. 20, 2007


agnostic theist

i am much more comforted by something i just read on the internet.

I don't know if I've mentioned this here before or not, but Patch, my boyfriend (I'm getting more accustomed to this idea as the days draw on), is both Catholic and Agnostic. His facebook profile says "Catholic" and his dating site profile says "Agnostic" (and "seeing someone," which is (!) me).

So I wrestled with this for a bit, because I was unsure of what he meant, having these two religions online. I was under the impression that Agnostics believed that God--an existence of It or not--was unknowable, and that if there was a God, it would be impossible to know much about It.

According to this website, there are Theistic Agnostics and Atheist Agnostics, and they are exactly how they sound. An Atheist Agnostic does not believe in God, while a Theist Agnostic does. So, Patch is a Theist Agnostic. At least I know what that means, now. But I ought to broach the religion subject with him a bit more. After all, his bro is training to become a priest. I wonder how that all went down, and if there was any tension between the two of them. I have a small hunch that perhaps Patch's parents have a better opinion of the priesty boy.

One thing that troubles me though is that Patch doesn't think church is fun. I don't go, either, but I don't always think it's boring.

So why don't I go to church? I suppose because it challenges me, and I am afraid to be challenged in that manner. So I am essentially a coward. I often have fun when I go to church, and I'm almost always glad I went. I would like to raise my children as churchgoers, since I did not have that benefit...raising one's children in a church is really amazing, and I know this because I know my cousins from OK are amazing.

I'm glad to say he's a gentleman. He treats me well, always invites me over, and wants to see me. He likes me evidently, and I like him.

If I'm not attracted to him now, could I become so later? One of my favorite diarylanders has written that when she first dated her now husband, she dumped him because she wasn't attracted to him. Then later they began dating again, and *poof* married.

nighttime - sunday, Sept. 16, 2007


womanhood at acl

so there i stood, listening to the killers, the band that marcus listened to as he lost his virginity. patch stood behind me, holding my waist, and i thought about the three men that were on my mind that night.

a man i had just met while in line to visit the restroom, the future, patch, the present, and marcus, the past, looming in the background--they haunted me that night, and all at once. i felt like a woman, because part of womanhood is having secrets in your eyes, and dying to tell them all. but you can't tell anyone anything, and you can't risk losing who you're with. but yet you long for more, and you hope there's someone out there better suited to your quirks and idiosyncracies, those times when you are someone else, or changing yourself, or dying.

so i decided to smile and sing with the band, rather than waxing pensive and running from my boyfriend's arms. at least i feel that i am not alone. there is someone who knows how this is, i'm sure of it. other than God itself, i don't know who. but there's God, and nothing else matters.

the new man i met in line made me laugh three times in a period of about twenty minutes. patch has never been able to do that... i need someone who i can engage, and who can engage me. i'm not so sure i have that in patch.

part of being attracted to someone is seeing the world in the same way. i don't know what patch and i have in common.

1:07 pm - Saturday, Sept. 15, 2007


lovesounds - futuresex


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