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- tuesday, Dec. 11, 2007


would you like a side of drama with your pizza?

Sometimes I forget that men get hurt in relationships, too. I spent tonight reading about the flaws in men and dwelling on how much I can't stand them right now. About how it pains me to need to play games with them, read books about how to act around them, and let them chase me. About how I can't ever reveal certain facts to them, especially not at the start of a relationship.

I'm really tired of all the bullshit I'm reading, but I fear that I need the books, and maybe I wasn't born with an innate knowledge of how to deal with men. I don't know how to cope, either, but I'm learning.

After all the man-bashing, I listened to "Konstantine" by Something Corporate, which was the reality check of the day. Women hurt men too, Jane. This fact is more comforting than sad.

I think I'm growing from all of this. I mean, I must be, right? Anything so confusing must surely lead to character building...and maybe someday a serious boyfriend.

But lately, I don't wish for a boyfriend. At least I don't think so.

I talked with Abbie from 11 p.m. yesterday untill 6 a.m. this morning. We had pizza at Awestin's on the Drag, and I played the jukebox with Green Day, the Beatles, and a few others. When she called me, we were both thinking about going to the same pizza place. We are so alike it's scary sometimes! We had both slept that whole day, as well!

Things that happened during our 7-hour long hangout (these aren't in order because I don't have that kind of memory):

1 - guy walked by and started FREESTYLING for us (I shit not; now I'm officially in college according to the makers of The Sims 2) -- I'm not into rap or guys who do blow or pot, so I wasn't too interested. Abbie liked him except for the drugs. She wore her trusty fake engagement ring and showed it off. She told him we were waiting on two guys, and then he inquired as to whether we were serious about them. She said we were, and his facial expressions said he knew she lied, but he left us eventually. We were both glad that we didn't hang out with him, as he suggested. He was drunk and on who knows what else, and he wanted to drive us. Plus I just don't think I could put my heart through a blender again the way I did at the Omni. Guys will always pick her over me; she's so freaking beautiful.

2 - Abbie saw a very young guy with greyish hair and asked me if I thought it was natural or not.

I said, "Why don't we ask him?" and she agreed. Then I got his attention and she quickly changed her mind about approaching him, especially about his hair. By that point, I had nothing else to say, so I just asked the original question. He quickly told me it was natural, and then ignored our presence altogether.

Unfortunately he was with a bunch of his friends, which I suppose made it worse. But truthfully, we were digging on his hair--not making fun of him in the least!

After a small amount of time he left to go towards a nearby dorm, and then he came back. I could see him about to walk through the door and towards the lobby where we were sitting, so I whispered to Abbie that we should compliment him as he re-entered.

To my annoyance, this was the wrong thing to do, and would continue the "joke" that I wasn't making. After my, "Hey, we really do like your hair, it looks cool," he said thanks and kept walking away again. No smile at all.

Then Abbie really got embarrassed, and told me I shouldn't have handled the situation that way; I should have just ignored him. She was obviously ashamed of being next to me, and that pissed me off.

Later she told me that grey hair boy was another reason I was mad at men...but no, I was mad at her, not grey hair. If she hadn't been with me, I wouldn't have asked him that question, and even if I had, I certainly wouldn't have felt bad after complimenting him the second time he walked by. I was the bearer of "good" news, in her eyes. Yet I couldn't give a shit, I was just mad at her for making me feel like shit. ARRRRGH.

3 - A guy walked by and complimented Abbie on her legs! He wasn't drunk or anything, either--very genuine. So she genuinely thanked him and he walked into the lobby. Unfortunately we never saw him again. My theory is that he was so surprised at his own gumption that he ran off before he could accidentally say something inappropriate.

4 - Abbie started to tell me something, but then decided not to because she said I wouldn't want to hear it. Of course I insisted she talk...I rarely insist to know this kind of thing from her, but tonight I felt invincible, I suppose. She told me there was a study that showed female high school grads make the same amount of money as chubby female college grads. I was so stunned that I just didn't say anything, and I started flipping through the relationship book we had been talking about. "I knew you wouldn't want to hear that," she said. Fortunately this was a very long night, so by the end, I had hardly any memory of this little transaction.

It does say that she thinks I'm "chubby," though, and I'm sure the study didn't report on "chubbiness." It was probably "fatness" or "anyone with a BMI over X amount." I know I'm not thin; I just don't care for people to tell me so. Especially skitches.

5 - I was talking to Abbie about something, and I said "All men are assholes!" fairly loudly. Two girls passing by heard me, and one replied, "I agree, I really do, in my heart!" So together (without Abbie) we yelled, "ALL MEN ARE ASSHOLES!" just to get it out. And man, did I need to get that out. It doesn't matter if I don't always agree with the statement, or that there were a couple of guys looking our way when we raised our voices; it just did me good to have that female solidarity behind me.

6 - Five cop cars and a couple of paramedics arrived on the scene and entered the dorm. We never found out why, and nobody was carried out on a stretcher--at least not out the front entrance where we were.

All that happened, just from sitting on the counter outside the doors of our dorm!

- sunday, Dec. 9, 2007


AIMdom. Don't ya hate it?

I'm a little confused about AIM.

I'm now listed as "Invisible," which I assume means people think I'm not online at all. This means (I believe) that if Adam returns from "Idle," which he has been at for an hour, his re-entrance into AIMdom will still trigger an my computer to alert me of this change in status. Then I can catapult my questions at him.


Are you ever planning to meet me?

Was that dinner offer bullshit?

Did your friend really get into an accident and need tending to on the day we were supposed to have our first date, or were you standing me up?

But no. I am a woman, so I can't ask questions like that. Apparently if I call him on his shit, he'll leave me in a second. I texted him last night, and called and left a message on his phone about...48 hours ago.

I can't wait until my copy of Why Men Love Bitches arrives; I've ordered it from my local bookstore.

I'm finding I hate men, just like my mother. Yet even she has an internet boy now. His name is John, he's from Lyon, and he's a real estate guy in Austin.

Dude! I'm looking his ass up!

...wait. He's French. He might be a Jean!

Update: No luck with the frenchman, but oh well. It's best not to stalk your mom's potential future boyfriend, I suppose!

- saturday, Dec. 8, 2007


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