backyard crowing


text message fight with adam

i had a text messaging fight with adam. we hadn't communicated since...gosh a month before? two? at any rate, we were out of each other's lives for quite a while. then he suddenly messages me, and we're throttling each other.

Adam: Don't hate me...

Me: Hate you? I don't hate you. I am indifferent towards you, and that's worse!

Adam: Great. :( sorry to bother you.

Me: You're not bothering me. But why are you messaging me?

(a long time passes, so I chime in again.)

Me: Well...were you going to ask me out for new year's or something? Somehow I know better than that...

Adam: Just so you know, you can be really rude when i try to be nice.

Me: Well how is saying "don't hate me" trying to be nice? It sounds a lot more like wanting to be liked, to me. If I knew why you were messaging me all of a sudden, I think I would be a lot less defensive. Want to actually talk? I'm not really indifferent towards you, but I do need to know what your intentions are, and if you can't make them known, then I don't think I should have anything to do with you. Is it really that hard to say "let's just be friends?"

Adam: Bye. You're pretentious. Open your mind a little next time.

(Well pal, if demanding the truth means being pretentious, then I'll be pretentious for the rest of my happy little life!)

Me: Whatever!

and a few minutes after midnight on december 31st, just to see what he would do:

Me: happy new year!


i wish he hadn't texted me to begin with. he just disappoints me. somehow though i have a feeling that we'll run into each other someday. i'm pretty sure we'll know.

but what will we do?

i would still like to fall in love with him, despite our battles. i guess i'm mean because i care about him? perhaps i got out of hand...but perhaps i didn't. i think i just want a boyfriend, and he clearly can't provide that right now. in fact, he'll probably never be able to provide that, at least not for me. we have too much history already.

i wish there was someone who i could talk to in the wee hours of the night again. i don't have any friends like that, male or female. they're quite a comfort.

i want to go to a rave, a real one. not to do any hard drugs--just my three alcoholic drinks, and some crazy dancing. i would eat that sort of scene's so me, i can hardly stand it, because raves don't really exist anymore.

according to wikipedia, a rave must consist of a certain number of people or higher (i think it's a few hundred or a few thousand), and it usually involves techno music, drugs of all kinds, fog/dancing lights, crazy clothing and a venue that changes each time the party occurs. they're never the same place twice, and the dates of the raves are spaced out. this is to prevent the police from crashing the party.

i like that idea.

there's nothing like rebellion. i love to love the hated.

- monday, Dec. 31, 2007


lovesounds - futuresex


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