backyard crowing


burning down the house

i'm seeing matt again today, at least i think so. i sure HOPE he turns up again, since it's tradition. we'll be going to the cafeteria which shall not be named at 5:30 again, as the ritual goes. i'm still nervous. i still don't know what to say. i'm still thrilled.

i also learned from the big FB site that he likes talking heads and pdq bach. :)

i had better find the cord to my record player, just in case we wind up making out to its cracks and hisses sometime soon.

i wonder if he knows what he's getting into?

i've decided that on wednesday i'm going to fold my legs toward him under the table. you know, because that says i'm attracted, according to every good dating book.

he didn't look me in the eye that much on monday at dinner...that is a problem, come to think of it. i wonder if it's just shyness, or not...i try to direct questions at matt, but then cj goes and answers them! ugh! cj is cool and all, but why butt in to answer every time? i want to hear the voice of matt. his is gruff but friendly, shy and sarcastic and kind.

sitting across from nat and cj doesn't help much, because they're all lovey-dovey and that leaves me to just sit and take another bite. i try not to look at matt during these times because i'm afraid i would look desperate. i don't want him to think the only reason i'm interested is because nat and cj look adorable together, and i want that sort of relationship, too.

i wish i could spend some time alone with him. perhaps i had better do that fast, before the awesome night of cuddling is forgotten. i so want that night to happen again. i hope he throws away the shyness. he seems like a humble guy.

on monday cj was asking matt about his talks with his "old man" regarding his major, and what he wanted to do after college. matt now knows what field he wants to get into, which i'm still lost on. cj is doing cs, and matt is doing...? he told me once and i forgot! and his FB profile says "undeclared!"

and...cj also asked me what i wanted to do after college. it strikes me now that this might have been a test as to whether i could prove to be a long-term girlfriend or not. then again, perhaps he was simply making conversation? i don't know.

natalie talked about raising children, oh my gosh. we talked about the small town that the boys grew up in, and how there's a prison there and for some reason a high percentage of sexual predators. she said she was wary of raising kids in that town, and she directed her opinion towards cj. this made me squirm a bit. will they get married? it's sounding likely!

anyway, one important thing we musn't (sp?) forget is that they are a couple and we are (maybe?) a fledgling couple. there will be NO "monkey see, monkey do." we must base our life on...US. but there isn't an "us," not yet...

p.s. on tuesday i "dumped" keith, the easier of the two dumpees. i also quit the dating website, FINALLY, and abbie is getting abs to prepare for charlie's visit, although she no longer likes him. she says it's just good for her to be fit, plus there are doctor's orders in that direction. i still need to "dump" glen, and then i will be utterly single again. phew! hopefully this cutting of ties is not going to give me bad karma.

again, why the dumps?

keithy - i just can't picture having sex with abbie says, one must be into the insides as well as the outsides for a relationship to work.

glenny - too much shyness/soc. anxiety for me. he's also unemployed, lives with his parents, doesn't have a working phone (not really), and he won't boire. and he hangs out with his 10-year-old cousin? maybe i should like him...but then, he hasn't ever made a move. and he was a bit weirded out by how much i loved the kerbey queso. :( it's KERBEY QUESO, DANGIT!

alright, enough! i hope there's much, much more to add about matt after dinner...i can't wait!

1:44 am - wednesday, Feb. 27, 2008


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