backyard crowing


on my new beau (yeah, RIGHT!), stalking guys, and a hick exhibitionist

"For the past 2 days now, I have been feeling vaguely normal."

That's the word from startafresh's latest post, and mine, too. I'm not pregnant, though...I feel better in that I'm not as sad as I was a couple of weeks ago, I don't think about killing myself NEARLY as often but I'm still just as behind at school, and I'm still having trouble saying 'no' when my friends want to go out and I've work to do.

Thank God it's still Saturday, I haven't done any real homework since Wednesday.

Last night I acquired a boyfriend who isn't a boyfriend. We're "in a relationship," according to him. I met him online (yes, shit, I rejoined the dating site), and he lives in Denver. He's 20 and his name is Kevin. Or so he says. He looks like too much of a hippie to be called Kevin, which I like. He should chunk his name.

He asked me if I would go out with an Austinite if an Austinite asked me out--WE HAD THE EXCLUSIVITY CONVERSATION. Yeah, right. I told him I'd be faithful, but please. What a schmo. (Oh yeah, and he assures me he'll be faithful as well.)

He also wanted to know if I might consider moving to Denver for him. I said if things progressed and we fell in love, then maybe--but only because his preferred city to live in is Denver, which is a fairly cool city--if he had said Podunk, then I would say no. Then he asked me how long it would take for me to fall in love. I told him that if it was solely online and over the phone, then it would take about a month. He was shocked at this, and said he could say he loved me as a friend and a girlfriend NOW. Clearly he was insincere.

Also, he texted me today with this: "Do u miss me?" I humored him and said yes, with a smiley emoticon. He replied, "Good," but did not say he missed me back.

We had phone sex awkwardly, and I had my vibrator going. We played truth or dare for awhile like this...interesting. He got off, but I didn't--overstimulation was the problem. Later I got in the shower and everything worked like clockwork. Anyway, during the phone sex he wanted me to tell him I loved him, so I did--but sure as hell not because I meant it, only because I thought it would get him off. I told him to boss me yeah, major difference in the sack department. Not that he's in the running to be my husband or anything, though. He wanted me to take cell phone pics of myself while we were getting off, and when I said I wouldn't, he totally played the B.S. boyfriend card.

Him: "But I'm your boyfriend! You can trust me!"
Me: "Well, I'm just not comfortable with that."
Him: "Well there should be TRUST in a relationship!"
Me: "I do trust you."
Him: "Well that trust has to be built on something!"

Yep. Idiot. The whole time I felt like I was talking to someone younger than 20...maybe that age is a lie.

He also asked me if I was a virgin and how much I weighed. Then he told me HE weighed 130, and of course I didn't tell him how much I weighed after that. I'm 30-40 pounds heavier. He'd look like a shrimp next to me, but whatever.

So, quick review of everything that happened in 4 hours:
-he asked me to be his girlfriend
-we had the exclusivity conversation
-he wanted to know if i'd move to Denver for him
-we had phone sex

Abbie and I went stalking pairs of guys today. First we went to Pho and stared at a couple of guys across the way, who noticed and were uncomfortable--but they started staring first! It seems the whole restaurant knew what Abbie and I were doing--except the stalkees. Life is funny!

Then we wandered down the drag and found a guy with an insanely multicolored 80s-style hat, and the other with a boring UT hat. Fortunately I liked the insanity, and Abbie dug the longhorn we stalked them too, up the drag. First they went to the Renaissance Market, and then down past the bookstore. The Market people all knew what we were up to--they knew we weren't interested in their goods. When we followed the guys into a section where necklaces were on display, they said bye once to the clerk...and then once to us. :O

Then we found another couple that Abbie pointed out. One was cute, one wasn't. They were both older. They walked right behind us, so Abbie told me to turn around and check them out. I decided I liked them, so as they parked their bikes, we smoothly went into the bookstore...and they followed! Then she gave me the cute one, and said she wasn't interested in either guy...but I was too shy to approach. So we left the store after a quick once-over for any other pairs of dudes, and still nothing.

Other than that, I feel queasy because a sexual predator/pervert flashed me via webcam yesterday night. It's an awful feeling, I don't know how to describe it. It's surreal. I kept sort of asking myself, "Did that just happen? Did I just get flashed by a 44-year-old? I seriously fell for that?"

It makes me sick inside. He's an idiot of course, none of this is my fault. I just feel very used, neglected...something. He was a nice guy for an hour or so--he played guitar, smoked, and drank beers while I typed back to him. He was a hick from Missouri. Or so he said. He kept pounding beers, I think he was an alcoholic.

Maybe that's why I'm feeling strangely today.

It pains me that I trusted him.

8:04 pm - Saturday, Apr. 05, 2008


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