backyard crowing


the slippery slope of my inner curves

so i guess this is it...i think i may have made another move on matt, and i can hardly believe it. again, it's due to:

1. alcohol
2. natalie's encouragement

we dry humped last night, and made out quite a bit. i was nude, and nat and ceej were in the bed across the room from us asleep, and that was probably the closest i've ever been to sex. it wasn't very hot to me, but i loved that he was enjoying it. he kept talking about how great my tits/breasts were (i'm glad he didn't stick to one or the other), and mentioned that the night before, he had fallen asleep when ceej and nat had started playing around. he said that now it was him with a girl, and them falling asleep.

good grief, i'm not his screw. perhaps i shouldn't have taken off everything.

first he tried for ages to get my bra off, which turned into a feat that even i couldn't achieve, because he kept pulling me back so as not to stop kissing. then he finally got it off, and went from not-so-confident to oh-so-sure of himself. after some more making out, i decided to turn off the light, set my alarm clock, and remove my pants. i thought it was dark enough that he wouldn't be able to see, so i asked him, "can you even see this?" his response was, "your pants are dark and your legs are light." XD Awesome.

later i found a reason to take off my shirt, and he found one to remove my panties. when i left in the morning, i couldn't find the underwear...only leaving it behind is a fantasy of mine, so if he stole them on purpose, i don't care! :) i doubt he'll return it.

he also kept cursing during "teh sex," saying "good lord," and "GD," which was flattering, but not so appropriate. i don't think i'll tell him, though i should.

i left him high and dry this morning, without even a goodbye, but then again he was sleeping. i don't know why, but leaving him like this makes me feel powerful, like the asshole man who slips away "to make breakfast" when the girl is in the shower the next morning. when he wakes up, he won't know what hit him. that and he'll run into/dig up the undies, eat the m&ms, and think, "oh, i need to get this board game back to her." i am now an expert at leaving crap at his place just to have an excuse to return.

speaking of showers, i asked him if he wanted to go take one. he didn't seem to interested, i think only because he was exhausted, and he "had me where he wanted me." hm. :)

nat said she thought one of us would have to make a move, because both of us are quite shy. i don't remember exactly who made the first move, but i think it was him first. seems like there was some sort of lingering high five or handshake that brought us to our "we're drunk enough to hit on each other" point.

she also said that the day before, she had asked him what was up, and how he felt about me. as usual, he didn't say anything and just sort of smiled. nat seems to want me to hook up with matt fairly badly...but i like it. i like him, and the attention i get from liking him and not knowing what's up.

what could depress me most about this whole situation is if we got into a fwb relationship and kept hanging out with nat and ceej, who are lovey-dovey and have been going out for 6 months. nat even talks about kids, and how she doesn't want hers growing up in matt and ceej's hometown. they've also met each other's parents, which is wi-ld!

oh, and recently i joined a facebook group called I AM BATSHIT INSANE. I think it fits.

- sunday, Apr. 20, 2008


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