backyard crowing
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give me love
Okay, here's the dream...
I'm in an apartment complex, going home at night. There are some people there who are roaming amongst the shadows, and they're criminals, only I didn't know it until I met a "good guy" in the shadows, another who is trying to make his way home. He told me I'd need to walk through the pool in order to get past the criminals unscathed. For some reason, doing this would satisfy them, and they would watch the whole process not hurt or steal from us. So the "good guy" and I did just that, and then he went away and I was trying to find my apartment. Then one of the shadow men came and took my backpack, and I either suddenly couldn't remember where I lived, or he had taken my keys. Oddly, he left me with a beautiful silver bracelet with silver charms and one charm that was covered with light blue jewels. I panicked and ran to the nearest apartment, where I knocked on the door. It was 2 am, so the lady at the door was angry at first when she responded, because I had very persistently knocked. I told her through the door of my predicament, and she brought me inside. Then she showed me her wrist, too, which was decorated with a similar bauble. Hers had fewer jewels. She never explained to me what the bracelets meant, because I woke up.
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Today before class started, I had planned to study during the four hours in between school and work. I sat in a room and talked to myself instead, and daydreamed...and became very depressed and cried buckets and sang george harrison's "give me peace." all this because i couldn't seem to focus on the reading.
Something I read in the copy of Psychology Today that was in my psychologist's office:
"You will fail a little everyday, so accept it."
so to cheer myself up, i made a list of all the things i had done right that week:
-worked hard, everyday
-wrote four papers
-was kind to Katia, even when she wasn't kind back. I tried to get to know her, even though she was standoffish.
-got the ear cleaning stuff for my earrings
-returned movies - early!
-read in school books
-made a schedule, a plan for the week
-got to know co-workers better
-went to therapy, was early
-started meditating
-ate fairly healthy
-got along with Dad
-spoke up during class, participated
-didn't drink
-laughed
"Give me love,
Give me love,
Give me peace, on Earth
Give me hope,
Help me cope,
With this heavy load
Trying."
I wrote "on Earth" in italics because when I sung this, I meant,
God, give me peace on Earth, because I don't want to die in order to have peace. Help me to live out my life, to not kill myself.
- thursday, july 03, 2008
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