backyard crowing



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bloodletting, victoria leatham

okay, so i'm officially worried and pissed at teenie.

we haven't had any contact since ...oops, okay so it's only been a week, but still. i've called her twice without any callback, and sent her 4 unanswered e-mails. i'm going to call again today at around 7 pm.

hopefully she won't go to athens and leave me high and dry without rent money. that would suck some major balls, and i'd be juggling courtroom nonsense with a job and school. arg.

she HAS to contact me soon though, unless she wants to pay my electric bill while she's not even there, because the electricity is in her name.

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I bought a book called “bloodletting,” another book about cutters. I also have “Impulse” and “Cut,” and I have a feeling that strangers with bookshelves would think I have a problem. Honestly I just like stories about disturbed young people…and I do relate to the depression. This part of “Bloodletting” is exactly me right now, and has been for some time:

“My doctor, who really did try to help, explained that depression, along with affecting your mood, often meant that simple things became difficult. I didn’t believe her. Instead, I was angry with myself for being tired all the time, angry that walking up the street to do the shopping had become a trial, angry that I couldn’t drive to Canberra—which was just three hours away—without stopping every half hour for a rest. I was angry that I couldn’t understand things I knew I should be able to. I really believed that if only I tried harder, it would all be fine. I felt it was my fault: I might be suffering from ‘depression,’ but that didn’t mean I couldn’t will myself out of it.”

-page 12 of “Bloodletting,” by Victoria Leatham

The book wasn’t in the right place in the bookstore. It was by the sex and relationships section. I rescued “Soulfully Gay” in the same sort of way. Some guy glared at it, shook his head, and slandered it in front of his friends, so I picked it up and bought it.

- saturday, jan. 24, 2009
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