backyard crowing


feeling robotic and 'severe problems'

it took me 2.5 hours to format my schedule for the next week using google calendar! craziness. every minute of my days are planned. i feel like a robot.

the psychologist tells me that this is just what i need, an hour-by-hour schedule to live by.

but it just exhausts me. no matter what, i always feel like i don't have enough down time.

last week i scheduled every second and i didn't get everything done. i got quite a few things done, sure, but not enough. maybe as soon as writing and reporting are over, i'll have a better handle on it all. i hope so, anyway. i am broke again, if my realtor goes in to cash my check i'm doomed twice: once because of the bank fee and once because of the realtor's. i have to go tell dad.

the thing about that is that he'll be upset no matter what i do. upset if i tell him, upset if i don't.

he had uncle k. call me the other day. he got it into his head somehow that since i'd had a bad day, i was going to kill myself. of course i wasn't, but he freaked. left a message on mom's cell saying, "she's having SEVERE problems."


well, they were severe yesterday, i guess. i suppose that's code for the "severe, recurring depression" that i've been diagnosed with. mom called last night, and i didn't have the heart to call her back; i didn't know whether i'd have more time with the course, and she would yell at me. i called her back this morning and told her about the extension of the extension. she said she could come up this weekend if i wanted. i can't, too much to do, plus the paternal grandparents and lee & bernice are coming this weekend and they want to go have our pictures taken. bernice's wish, according to dad. then she (mom) said if i changed my mind, i could let her know.

- thursday, feb. 5, 2009


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