backyard crowing



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feeling robotic and 'severe problems'

it took me 2.5 hours to format my schedule for the next week using google calendar! craziness. every minute of my days are planned. i feel like a robot.

the psychologist tells me that this is just what i need, an hour-by-hour schedule to live by.

but it just exhausts me. no matter what, i always feel like i don't have enough down time.

last week i scheduled every second and i didn't get everything done. i got quite a few things done, sure, but not enough. maybe as soon as writing and reporting are over, i'll have a better handle on it all. i hope so, anyway. i am broke again, if my realtor goes in to cash my check i'm doomed twice: once because of the bank fee and once because of the realtor's. i have to go tell dad.

the thing about that is that he'll be upset no matter what i do. upset if i tell him, upset if i don't.

he had uncle k. call me the other day. he got it into his head somehow that since i'd had a bad day, i was going to kill myself. of course i wasn't, but he freaked. left a message on mom's cell saying, "she's having SEVERE problems."

ha!

well, they were severe yesterday, i guess. i suppose that's code for the "severe, recurring depression" that i've been diagnosed with. mom called last night, and i didn't have the heart to call her back; i didn't know whether i'd have more time with the course, and she would yell at me. i called her back this morning and told her about the extension of the extension. she said she could come up this weekend if i wanted. i can't, too much to do, plus the paternal grandparents and lee & bernice are coming this weekend and they want to go have our pictures taken. bernice's wish, according to dad. then she (mom) said if i changed my mind, i could let her know.

- thursday, feb. 5, 2009
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