backyard crowing



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dreamed i killed granddad

i dreamed i killed my grandfather--my mom's dad. she (my mother) actually managed to forgive me. i can't remember the motive, and i certainly don't have a motive in real life, he's great. i think in the dream i poisoned him. i wasn't imprisoned.

then later i went to a concert, it was a band he used to play in, and it was one of those huge rock bands that has 30 members. i got a great seat...sort of. i'm pretty sure i had wings, because at first i was in front of the stage with some of the band members, but later i had another view—I saw some of the other musicians a few stories up. All of the musicians both up top and down below were playing together, and there was nothing between them, no actual “stories,” just air. And the audience could either be up top or down below. I’m starting to think this is sounding like heaven or hell.

oh yeah, and my grandfather has never been in a band, to my knowledge. Maybe in high school.

I’m guessing my grandfather represents hard work or hard working people, and I’m killing that, in myself anyway, and my mom is forgiving me for having done so. Very depressing dream, once you break it all down. The guilt is there. The disbelief that she could forgive is there. And the fact that it’s poison could be important. He dies peacefully, almost unnoticeably, like my work ethic.

And the heaven and hell thing—evidently I’m choosing to go to heaven instead of hell. What a choice. I’m in hell first and then I decide I’ll rise above instead. And the view from heaven really is better—there are more musicians, and a better sound. And I mean come on, you’re floating in the air. What could be a better seat?

thinking about going to "mixtape mashup." according to one of my facebook acquaintances, it requires "no cover, no wristband, no badge, no laminate, no ID, no shit." it's a sxsw thing, and i've never participated in any sxsw madness. i think it may be time. but who to go with? abbie, where art thou?!?!?! the party happens from 8:05 pm (why it's not at 8? idk, they're hipsters,) and ends at 4 am. alcohol is free. my only question then is are they going to have GOOD alcohol. we shall see. perhaps.

- wednesday, march 18, 2009
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