backyard crowing



I guess this is where I have to start making big life decisions.

I have money. I have three thousand dollars. Ahem.

I...have...three...thousand...dollars. Now what?

Of course, in the grand scheme of things, this isn't terribly much. But it gives me options, enough to where I am forced to think about my future.

I could go to New York. I could buy a badass iMac for work. I could go back to Pike's Peak and actually hike it this time, not just look at my fear with a backpack on. I could squander it slowly, depressingly. I could spend it on school, which I ...well, let's just say having this much money puts me in a corner. I "should" spend it on school. But do I want that life? I've done alright for myself up to now. Not good enough for what society expects at this age, but I've survived.

I don't want to just survive, but what of this new work schedule? I work nights. Night school isn't going to happen, unless I request a schedule change. Am I going to have the balls to ask for that at work? I think I must. And really, the request is not terribly large. A great portion of my company consists of college students--they are accustomed to this sort of thing. But asking something of my company implies I'm actually going to make good use of that time, and money.

Day school is way too expensive, even for the owner of $3K. That's for Fall, that's for fafsa.

Should I marry Ray? Is it terrible that sometimes when his name comes to my head, I say "Joe?" I hope he's well...lord knows the people you cheat on, you never forget. I do love Ray, unusually, unlike really any man before him. He's an unusual person, and I love being around him. I miss him when he's gone, and I'm not a person who misses ANYONE, I'm independent to a fault.

I may be high right now, I ate some weed.

I. Ate. Some. Weed.

Eating weed implies buying weed I a person who purchases weed? Didn't they raise me better, or something? I'm going to hell, right?


3:10 am - Friday, Jan. 18, 2013


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