backyard crowing
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everything new is eventually old
I just saw "Take This Waltz."
The movie is about a woman in a five year marriage who finds herself attracted to a man across the street. He falls for her, too, and the climax happens with her confessing to her husband, and leaving him. Her marriage just wasn't the same as in the beginning -- but whose is?
So she leaves the husband, moves in with the new guy, and after a while, even though they have an open relationship (threesomes and the sort,) things get stale with him, as well. He takes her for granted in small ways, but she feels it deeply. The comforts of being in a long time relationship, of being accepted for exactly who you are, start to bother her.
A family emergency pulls her back to her ex husband. She shows up on the scene to support an old family friend. Of course, she sees her ex, they talk, and in a strange sort of way, she asks if they can see each other again. He tells her there are some things she can't undo...
I liked it because it seems to hammer in what I've seen of love. At first, it's very exciting, people don't take each other for granted, and the two people feed one another's personal growth. But after awhile, even with two VERY loving people, humans need some variety.
I don't think being in an open relationship necessarily sates that need, but for some, it probably can. I think what's important is that personal growth, that belief in one another, that eagerness to understand one another at deep level, that may bring couples apart. Being supportive of one another's dreams means wearing different clothes during different times in a person's life.
Maybe someone has a dream of publishing a book. The first few weeks, maybe words of encouragement are enough. But months down the line, maybe the writer needs someone to actually READ their writing, not simply say, "You're doing great, good job, keep going."
Thus, maybe the writer then goes to someone other than their significant other for feedback. No harm in that, right? Anyway, I hope this is coherent.
The ex husband tells his ex wife at one point, "Don't apologize for doing what you had to do," so even he has come around to the idea that she had no real choice.
And, at the start of the film, an old woman says, "Everything new is eventually old." That's the heart of the movie, I'd say. Everything new is eventually old. Eventually, one's long term significant other is not going to be as shiny. You may not want them as much, perhaps their negative traits have started to wear on you.
And yet, when you marry someone, you're accepting that this WILL happen. Chemically, it's the difference between and oxytocin and norepinephrine/dopamine. There are couples who grow old and still get butterflies, and for them the long term oxytocin comes in to play. They still have the lust chemical, but not ALL the time, otherwise they'd die of excitement. We're built to last, we humans.
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It's strange that I find it disturbing that nearly everyone has left DL, right? Hardly anyone is here anymore! WTF?
This was once such a thriving community. People posting left and right, encouraging each other, expressing their inner selves whom no one else could possibly understand.
And yet, I make a post, and it stays in the "Recent Public Entries" for HOURS. Such a strange phenomenon, to think this place is dying. It's not that I didn't already know that, only that I figured there were still signs of life on the old hag.
Perhaps I need to look a bit harder, squint my eyes a tad. They're out there, I just know it. I am not alone.
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Is it weird I have a "friend" who doesn't really know me, not really, anyway, and yet I look up to her like she knows everything...she lives thousands of miles away, she's living my dream life, and she's... not happy with it? And, in part, I've modeled my life after hers? How is she not happy? I'm completely bewildered.
Update: She's happier lately, and so am I because of it.
10:31 pm - Wednesday, Jan. 23, 2013
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