backyard crowing


good v-day, grateful for Ray

I bought Ray a rose and four chocolate covered strawberries. Asked the guy at the counter what he thought of of buying a man flowers, he seemed very open to the idea. Then he skipped away, off to cover more chocolates.

Ray made some eggy deliciousness for breaky, and we both had to work. A nice Valentine's Day. :)

The only other V-day I remember was a few years ago with a boy named...oh, what was his name? Well anyway, he made migas, and he was the second guy I'd ever had sex with. He was 20, and I was 24. He was the ultimate nerdy boy. A history major, and he was going for his master's at Sweet Sue -- that's Texas State. It's hard to believe that he might have a master's at this point!

I remember meeting his mother, we had (again, an egg-related meal,) at a local mexican food joint I'd never visited. I ran late because I had to get money for the date. The whole thing was weird; I felt so odd. She was nice, though, they both were.

He wanted to be friends afterward, but I just couldn't hack it. He acted as though it would be an easy transition...after all, we'd only dated a month, but I'd grown very attached. Here was a man who made love gently, who understood that sex could be difficult, who I cried in front of after we had sex. I opened up to him; I actually told him I was crying, or rather "tearing up." I could have just let him go to bed, but he was genuine, I felt I could trust him.

All in all, I'm glad we dated. The next guy...well, not so much.

His name was Mervan Cr. I met him on 6th street, and he was rebounding. He was guy number three, if I remember it correctly.

He worked as a caterer and had a gambling problem. He'd lose $400 a week easily, if he felt like it. The addiction ran in his family, and he took me to an illegal casino in Austin, where we met some of his relatives. An odd way to spend family time, that's for sure. The room was almost completely dark, save for the glowing of the screens. They had fun music though; it felt like a club. But certainly the social interaction was minimal.

He also took me to a Bingo hall, but we ran too late. I still regret that. While I never gave my money to the casino machines, I wanted to spend $5 on a bingo card, and be part of that scene. The crowd filtered out, and it amazed me how many different people attended the thing. Old, young, middle aged, gorgeous, ugly, parents, odd young people, the elderly. The whole world showed up that night to gamble, and I wanted to engage it, too.

I could still return to the hall, it's only down the street. I wouldn't fancy bumping into him again, though.

I remember feeling slighted by his gambling habit. He wasted away more money a week than I made a week. I was seriously hurt by his wastefulness, and he wasn't even DOING anything to me, per se.

This was the guy who told me vibrators were a bad idea, that they made sex worse, loosened a girl up (not true, ladies.) He seemed to think he could manipulate me into stopping my use of electronics...and for a short while, I did, but I was angry at him. I think deep down I knew he was full of shit.

This was the guy who told me lies just to see whether I'd believe them. He told me he'd been raped by a priest as a kid, then laughed when I showed sympathy. Then, he told me of some sexual trauma he actually had endured, and I believed him again, but this time he told the truth. Or so I think. He didn't laugh after that.

I wish I could remember more details, but this has been years ago now.

I remember playing some game at his house, I believe it was called Austinopoly. He got it somewhere odd, and said that he had two of the games. One he was saving to sell on eBay (now worth $500 or so,) and one he was keeping just for himself.

He lived in a little one bedroom loft that resembled a hotel so strongly I almost expected to find a chocolate on my pillow.

Anyway, why am I happy to never see him again? Well, like I said before, he was rebounding. He was hispanic, and he had a kid. A son, I think. He and the ma were either divorced or they never married. I remember him telling me about all the weight she gained after pregnancy. Sadly, he was a bit similar to Vidal in that he actually had a prejudice against overweight people, one that he even admitted.

So when I met him, it was at a bar, and he had two friends with him, they were a couple. They argued a lot, as she was an alcoholic, and completely out of hand.

I remember him coming up to me, and we talked a bit, he was cute and friendly. He was very small in stature, but had a powerful strength. He was a short, lean, brown man. That's not racism, by the way, that's just who he was. His body was lean and beautiful.

Z, get to the point!

So anyway, he'd just been dumped by his 19-year-old girlfriend, whose name I caught at one point, though I don't now remember it. He had travelled to meet her parents, but they didn't like that he wasn't white, and so rejected him matter-of-factly, on the spot. They were horrified. They were from the northwest somewhere. And so, he had to leave, immediately. I'm not sure how that all panned out, exactly, but it was a fairly horrific breakup.

She was a rich girl, living entirely off of her parents' wealth, and well, that's what rich people do where they're 19, I was there, and we weren't even rich, per se. We were lower middle class.


I met him when he was quite broken up over her, and I was quite broken up over 1) Vidal and 2) nerdy boy. Sex partners 1 and 2 of my entire life, as it were. I was one confused young woman. I wonder deeply how my life would have been different had I lost my virginity earlier. Had I lost it to Joe, had I lost it to some other random guy who happened to go my way.


As I am like to do when researching a man's worthiness, I looked Mervan up on FB to see what he was like. I immediately noticed that he had 2 profiles, and that one was the "real" profile, the one he frequented. Perhaps the other was for family. Women are awfully tricky when trying to find out your first and last name. We just want to stalk you, I promise.

So one day, about three dates in, I sit at my computer looking at his profile--the real one. Remember, I've added him on neither of his accounts; for all he knows, I'm not even on FB. I look, and there are pictures of him, the girl, and several others (her family?! HIS family?!) at a cave somewhere in Texas. They're dressed as tourists, and they're smiling, and she has her arm around him. It's all very bizarre, and it's obvious that the trip was as recent as a few days ago. That's how I found out he was back with his ex. No call, no visit, no email. I just found it online somewhere.

I was livid, and I reeled at what to text him. I probably came up with about twenty different things to hit him with, ranging from "I hope you die," to "Congratulations on reuniting with blondie, hope you had fun spelunking!"

I can't remember what I decided on, but I threw the text out there, and he was apologetic, at least. I can say that on his behalf, he did seem sincere.

At that point, I'd had all I wished to experience of men. I'd grown to understand them as inhumane, cruel, bastards of humanity.

Months later, when I was dating Joe #2, and when we were still honeymooning, he called me. I didn't know who was calling, but he made me guess, and I got it right. Mervan.

If there's one thing I'm good at, it's recognizing a voice.

He told me that he and blondie had broken it off, that it was dramatic as hell, etc, etc, etc. I can't remember the reason really, but I asked him all the details, and geez were they gory. Hopefully I'll be forgiven for that. Really, I just wanted to hear his pain.

He asked me if I wanted to go out, and I told him I was taken. He suggested we all three (yeah, right,) get together at some point. I agreed, but as with Carrie and Aiden, "there are some promises you both know you won't keep."

10:12 pm - Thursday, Feb. 14, 2013


lovesounds - futuresex


about me