backyard crowing


Sparky, I will call him.

I talked to one of my troupe mates today about the little crush I have on Dave.

I would never have mentioned it, except that Chris had a date, and was talking about how he hadn't dated in awhile.

At this, Dave chimed in with a facetious, "Ooh, can I go with you?" And in seriousness, Chris went with it, because he's that kind guy.

A little while later, as Chris was in the bathroom, Dave whined cutely, "I want to go on a date." And then leaned into my shoulder. I'm telling you, guys, he's very touchy feely. As I write that, he sounds like a schmuck, but he touches EVERYONE, and often. He breaks down boundaries with touch.

Which is one reason why I think "Oh, he's not relationship material." But he really, really is. Just not for me.

At any rate, I gave him a hug, told him I thought he'd be quite successful if he asked a girl -- or girls -- out.

And my heart fluttered a little. I knew I was doing the right thing, and I felt okay about it, but as Chris and I walked to our respective cars together, and he asked me how I was doing, I just couldn't small talk about school.

My brain was saying, "Are you really doing that? Did you really just encourage your crush to go ask girls out, random girls?"

So I told Chris about the feelings for Dave, and reacted in the nicest possible way.

He said this happens to everyone -- EVERYONE -- and that in his troupe in Connecticut, nearly everyone had sexual tension with each other, which contributed to their success. They all loved spending time with each other, and that makes for a great group of people who produce beautiful improv.

Dave has such a spark. He managed to convince me to stop smoking "on a whim, occasionally," because why would I do that to my body, even for a few minutes?

His spark reaches other people, too. When he talks, people sit up and listen. He'll change the world, I'm sure.

Take that spark he has, shove it in a box, and take it with you. Glue his spark to your forehead and share it with the world. He's not Jesus, but he's brilliant.

That quote that says, "People don't remember you, they remember how you made them feel"? That's him all over. He makes you feel wonderful.


Perhaps the only reason this crush matters is because it is a harder crush than the crush I had on the two men I cheated with. And after having cheated, twice, on the same guy (gah, that is my history,) I want never to cheat again. In short, when temptation is greater, and you have more to lose, you also sweat more.

And it makes you wonder and worry, is Ray doing the same thing? And when Chris says, "these crushes happen to EVERYONE," you worry that while you are not acting on his feelings, perhaps he is not so strong.

Only he IS strong. That is a belief I hold. Stronger than me, probably -- but again, I have lived and learned. I know what path I will return to.

So why am I writing about it?

Bah! Because I'm doing what Chris suggests, putting these feelings somewhere else, on a shelf, for the people of the internet to see, so they're not trapped inside me. Hi, internet. I love you. :)

8:46 pm - Monday, Sept. 23, 2013


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