backyard crowing


an assignment just for me

I am super de duper lonely.

It's late, or early, rather.

I don't want to go to class tomorrow morning. I don't want to be around people. I want to socialize.

Huh? What is wrong with me?

It's the encouragement. I don't get encouragement. R doesn't know how to give it properly. He isn't here, isn't anywhere. He just sits and games. He has no idea how out of touch he is with me and it's depressing.

I need a therapist, and a friend. One or the other might do.

I went back to Craigslist to look for buds and replied to one of the ads. Perhaps I should reply to two, like I did last time, because one person responded and one did not.

Or maybe I should just create my own ad. Or, get over myself somehow. I just want to cry. I have no idea anymore.

Even when I do get a little encouragement, I don't know how to fully believe it. I need more of it, or encouragement in a different way. I need the kind of encouragement that's so powerful it makes me cry.

I stay up all night and I stay up all night and I stay up all night. I need to go home.

It's tough to be strong when your professor has no inkling the damage he causes.

He is unapproachable, completely. Honestly, he could use a solid punch in the goddamn face. I'm tired of his shit.

So what kind of encouragement makes me cry?

Hannah Hart's. And I could pretend this assignment has nothing whatsoever to do with him. It's just for me.

3:20 am - Monday, Nov. 16, 2015


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