backyard crowing
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personhood
Personhood is overrated. I'm going to be a fucking unicorn.
I had a breakthrough today: when I hear myself saying, "I wish I was a person," or, "I don't want to be a person anymore," I can try chalking this up to a brain chemistry thing.
I.E., I suffer from depression, and sometimes my poor mental health is just a part of what my brain does. I acknowledge the negative thought, understand it for what it is (which is meaningless,) and continue on.
Oh, your brain says you don't want to be a person anymore? Okay, then. It can keep telling you these shit things, but you're going to continue.
So it's not ignoring the voice in my head, it's accepting that sometimes my head says the wrong things. It's not Satan, but it sucks, and although it may be unavoidable right now, it's utterly untrue. Those thoughts? Not the truth.
I'm a great person. I try hard, even when I'm scared. I can do this. I deserve a good life, and the positive things that come to me.
Another coping mechanism I thought: anytime I think those thoughts, immediately find a dance song. Then rock out to it! Alternatively: do my makeup, or do jumping jacks.
At that rate, I'd be applying makeup 10-15 times a day, admittedly. The dance thing may work better.
9:06 pm - Thursday, Dec. 24, 2015
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