backyard crowing



So, I took the Plan B pill tonight. Actually, it was a $20 off brand, but whatever.

The fiance and I were being smart, wearing a rubber, but it got stuck inside me, and he pulled it out. (I don't use birth control.)

During the first part of our conversation, I said: "Well, I could take the morning after pill, or we could wait and see if we might be fertile, but then I'd have to get an abortion, which would be at least a couple hundred dollars, maybe several hundred, because I have no health insurance."

The situation forced us to talk some more about maybe having a kidlet. We both weighed the pros and cons of "letting nature take its course," to just see what would happen. I WOULD like to know what both our chances are of fertility. Nothing has happened to either of us that made us go to the doctor to ask such questions.

And seeing as most people take several months to get preggers, the possibility of the egg attaching is low -- still, you never know...

When I asked him, "What [decision] are you leaning toward?" he said that this could be the right time. I would graduate in May, have a kid in late summer, and we could get married over Spring Break, with like a "real" wedding later.

But I value my (JUST STARTING) career too much to do that right now. Plus: graduation, a baby, AND a wedding all in the same year? That's what my mother did, and it was too much.

I told him it was a lot of stress in one year, a lot of change. And he said something like, "You say that like it's a bad thing." So I explained to him that while change can be good, too much change at once can be very stressful. Even the good changes.

He understood. Later, awhile after I'd returned from the pharmacy and he from the grocery, he said, "Can you feel it kicking in?" I said, "Well, the side effects are mood swings, and possible stomach ache, but I'm fine." He asked me again, "Can you feel it kicking in?" And I told him "Of course not."

Now I wonder what he meant - if that was some sort of passive aggressive guilt trip. Anyway, I'm making the right decision, and I'm 110% confident in it. I'm a bit sad about it, but not because of what he said. I just wish I knew for sure whether or not he was being passive aggressive. Because if he was, that's a red flag.

Still, I'm glad he's showing enthusiasm for having a kid. I do want to have one, if it works out. But I want to get out of Texas, and into a great career, first. No need to rush it. He's 40, so his sensitivity to time is greater than mine at 29.

More later dears. Cheerio!

10:36 pm - Saturday, Jan. 23, 2016


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