backyard crowing


20 year gap crap

Went to Scottie's apartment on Saturday night for some D&D, and it was my first time playing.

Some background: when I was in high school, my "friends" wouldn't let me play D&D with them, which I freely admit is hilarious. Then after dropping out of college, I dated a gamer who played, and he and his posse were in the midst of forming a game when I dumped him for a different life.

So, last Saturday I went from D&D wannabe to second-week invitee. Woo! I gotta go run and tell my mom I'm cool now!

It was a blast. Ten out of ten, would play again. (Except next time I'd add alcohol.)

Aside from Scottie and I at the table, there was Justen, Franz, and some other guy. I was surprised not to see Louey, I assumed he'd been invited.

Scottie's Asian Undergrad Date of the Week was Sarah, and she didn't play, but created a character. If there's one thing about Scottie's "type," it's consistency. Sarah was very sweet, and we had lots to gab about beyond small things. Refreshing!

I am just starting to realize that if I hadn't met R first, I would have dated Scottie. It wouldn't have worked out. I would have been totally crushed... but it would have been for the best. We would not have remained friends afterward.

He is the type of person who, even though his track record is lacking, has the wit and compassion to convince you to give him a chance. But he's not smarmy, it's strange.

I guess you could say I have a crush on him. Eh. Oh, well. It happens. I'm becoming accustomed to this sort of thing, and accepting it. I've come a long way in the realm of acceptable crushes -- this sort of situation once freaked me the fuck out!

Some of my social anxiety bit in as our group headed up the elevator to Scottie's apartment. It's times like that when I just know I look terrified, and I want to come out with it, address the anxiety head-on. "Hello, my name is Z, apologies for the awkward silence. I have social anxiety sometimes. Now, what's your name?"

This approach is the same kind of thing I would say when nervous on a first date. If you step right up to the plate and say, "I'm nervous," they usually chime in with, "Oh hell yes, me too." Human beings are so damn beautiful.

The D&D was fun, but I miss talking to Scottie for talking's sake. Some people really rejuvenate you after a verbal exchange, and you feel like you've been to church. Understood. Encouraged. Given a nod.

All of his friends are quite a bit younger than he is. And certainly all of his dates. I wonder if women his age don't want him? It's more likely the opposite.

So now I have another related story:

In my Creative Prob Solving class, there is a 38-yr-old man in a class of 220 -- he is by far the oldest, because most of these kids are 18-21. I'm likely the only student vaguely in his age range. As it happens, we're in the same discussion section. I'll call this guy Brant.

So, at the end of our 20-student discussion the other week, as we're packing up our books, Brant starts hitting on one of the 20-year-olds in a very obvious manner, and a little aggressively, because she's politely avoiding personal questions like, "Is that guy [in your picture] your boyfriend?"

He studies the same subject Scottie and Louey did, and often has interesting things to say in class, so I'd bookmarked him mentally for our Saturday night fireside chats. I was looking forward to connecting with another deep thinker, and already imagining the great friendship we would have, and how grateful the group would be to gain another soul.

But then he hits on some girl half his age. She can't even drink legally yet. Seriously, wtf?! I hate it when men prey on young women like that. So rarely does a marriage work with an age gap that large, so almost every time, it's a sex thing. And they prey on these young women because they're vulnerable and don't know any better. They see an experienced older man and fall hard -- and one day, they'll be 50 spending their days at a nursing home with their 70-year-old husbands. It's bollocks and it makes me mad.

Maybe she’s smart, but she seems to have taken the bait, from everything I’ve witnessed. They’re not Facebook friends though, so I suppose that’s something. He grabs class handouts for her at the front of the room so she doesn’t need to leave her seat, which is sort of amusing. It’s like the college version of carrying your girlfriend’s books. “Here honey, let me get that for you.” Baha!

The fact is, it bothered me so much that he hit on her that I had to stop and wonder… is it the feminist side of me who’s upset? Am I really so desperate for friendship that I become angry at people I hardly know for not living up to my standards? Or was a part of me crushing on him?

He’s a total Negative Nancy, and I realize that now, so apart from his cradle-robbing ways, he wouldn’t fit into my life anyhow. Another potential bestie down the drain. Oh, well. I had hoped for better.

… all this aside, let’s turn our attention again to Scottie. Scottie who perpetually dates people 20 or so years his junior. Mmmkay. I don’t like that he does it, either. But what makes it more okay for him?

I know him. We’ve had deep conversations. That’s his “type.” He went to PRISON for his affinity for the younger woman, for God’s sake. I’m not sure what to think anymore. Sometimes, age gaps really work. So is it my business? Only if my fellow woman gets hurt. But how do I know if she’s hurting? And what about the women of similar age, who just want to date a nice man, but can’t find one because they’re all courting teenagers?

It’s silly. Men, go hit on women your own age. Or slightly younger, or slightly (HEYO) older! This 20 year gap crap has got to go.

5:21 am - Monday, Mar. 07, 2016


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