backyard crowing


the innie/outie paradox rides AGAIN

So earlier I left a note with the d-lander loveherwell, talking about making friends as an adult, and its challenges.

In my Creative Problem Solving discussion section two weeks ago, our TA gave the introverts one piece of paper, and the extroverts another. The ambiverts did not receive a slip.

As an innie, I had this one:

“During today's discussion, always be first to speak up, and don't think too much about what you're going to say."

I can assume the extroverts got the opposite, based on how they acted.

One of the extros (Brant) read his slip and said, "Oh God, I'm not going to be able to do this."

He looked across the room at me and said, "the girl I've never heard speak."

I wrote a whole entry about him, I know his name, and (roughly) what kind of person he is.

But he doesn’t know me…and neither does anyone else, because I don’t let them in. Part of silence is barrier.

“Your silence will not protect you.” - Audre Lorde

Throughout the discussion, I said some embarrassing things, and some non-add-value things. But I also had some interesting points.

I didn’t tell a dirty joke, and later I thought, “oh, there’s a reason I have a filter.” That lewd thing I didn’t say made me laugh all the way home. It was a joke all mine, I didn’t have to share it to benefit.

The class felt very much like improv. It made my heart beat faster, the start of class was very nerve-wracking…by the end, speaking up became somewhat easier.

It occurred to me that the dumb things I said weren’t objectively dumb, and had I heard them from Brant, I wouldn’t have criticized him. I might not have agreed, but I would have accepted his contribution to the conversation. So why can’t I accept my own dumb opinions? Where does hiding them get me?

If anything, speaking up in class makes me a more engaged learner. It’s akin to taking notes, or making flashcards, or doing an interactive project to make the lesson come alive.

I left class feeling lighter than air, just absolutely happy. I couldn’t stop laughing. I’m not sure why, exactly. Is it because I expressed myself? Even in such a mild way? We were just looking at photos shot on cell phones! We weren’t having deep conversations about life!

Conclusion: extroverts get what they want more of the time — the squeaky wheel gets the grease, as they say.

Introverts save themselves from embarrassment more of the time, and offend fewer people. Extroverts have more friends because they are open with more people. So all I need is a change in personality, right? Heh.

Not happening. But I can fake it.

It’s funny how uncomfortable the extroverts felt with being last to speak, and thinking deeply before responding. These things come so naturally to me that I’ve never seen them as threatening. I can’t imagine fear stemming from being told to sit still and be quiet during class. But it’s totally unnatural for me to do the opposite!

Here’s the Youtube video I talked about earlier, on making friends:

3:07 am - Wednesday, Apr. 20, 2016


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