backyard crowing


self-esteem roots

I was thinking of this girl in my 360 class who seems to hate me.

...and then talk to me casually, sometimes? It's very confusing.

Anyway, a thought crossed through my head about her: "She looks a little like me. Maybe she's afraid she will end up like me."

And then I realized how fucked up that was.

#1 - I'm legitimizing her dislike of me, and normalizing her treating me as less-than.

#2 - I'm assuming that I am undesirable, and that no one would want to be like me.

I wonder where I get this crap. Did my mom have this kind of sickness? Is it the media? Why would I want to sabotage myself like that? Where does that stuff come from? -- and not just for me, but for everyone else this occurs to?

2:53 am - Sunday, May. 01, 2016


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